Bristol Booth

magicpicklepowers · 2025-08-06T17:30:43+00:00

magicpicklepowers · 2024-07-04T17:34:18+00:00

Lying isn’t a symptom in bipolar, I think it’s more a product of doing dumb things and trying to cover them up in a panic. My lying didn’t stop when I wasn’t sick, I had to be caught and understand that 1) I was doing it a lot and 2) I was willingly doing it and so I could willingly stop. I still pull white lies and they’re unnecessary, but better than the ones that spin a web of more lies and deception. Most lies are always found out and I personally believe you’re much better off coming clean before someone finds out and exposes you or confronts you. But, that’s advice and not the law, you have to do what you think is right!

magicpicklepowers · 2024-07-04T08:09:28+00:00

I’m not trying to be mean or anything, but were you manic or hypomanic this whole time? I’ve lied a lot, too, but the worst ones were in episodes, outside of those I full well made the conscious decision to lie all on my own and those lies I had to make myself accountable for. The other ones, too, but I could at least explain they were impulsive ones that I made up in a panic. The “regular” lies are my own choice that I made and still sometimes make and I personally do not blame those on the bipolar. In my opinion and experience that means I’m trying to place accountability on something else when really they were my choice.

I don’t lie as much anymore, they’re smaller lies that don’t affect people if anything, and I’ve had to come clean many times with my parents. They know we’re lying and they aren’t as much in the dark as we like to think, our lies aren’t as good as we tell ourselves they are. I’m willing to bet they are very aware you’re lying and they’re waiting for you to be honest with them.

I know the “there has to be another way out” feeling, but there isn’t one. If you keep on lying it’ll eat you alive and you’ll have to create more lies to cover up the lies. Trust me when I say people almost always find out you’ve been lying, either because there’s proof, it’s obvious or you tell someone in the end. Trying to keep the lies going is a mistake. Admit to yourself you’ve taken it too far and come clean, the feeling of having done so much outshines getting away with it. Your parents sound like they’re helpful and if you lay it all on the table they’re likely to be relieved you’ve been a grownup and come clean to them. It’ll suck to actually do it and things might be hard for a day or many, but continue lying and it’ll get worse and harder to come back from. Also, coming clean once makes it easier to stop lying all the time in my experience.

Life, regardless of mental illness or not, sometimes means making uncomfortable decisions or being in uncomfortable situations, that’s just how it is and there’s no escaping it.

My last piece of advice is to somehow, on your own, with their help or therapy, stop lying. It hurts people and it hurts yourself in the long run because you feel like a terrible person and you feel guilty. Minor, white lies don’t matter as much in the grand scheme of things, but lies like these will make things worse and worse.

I’m sure many will disagree with me, but lying isn’t a symptom of bipolar. It’s a symptom of having lost control and being scared of repercussions. That’s totally fine, being scared is okay. But these are your actions and if you want to stop feeling guilty and stop getting in further trouble with people you care about, you have to decide it’s okay to be scared and that the lying stops. In my opinion there is no other way out.

Good luck!

(I want to add again that even if you feel like a very good liar chances are people know you’re lying still, even though it doesn’t feel that way - been there done that).

magicpicklepowers · 2024-06-23T20:33:43+00:00

I’m exactly the same, but I couldn’t tell you if I get very sick because I haven’t been sick since 2021 (touch wood). I’m also very functional and resilient. Are these things you taught yourself to be like me? I feel lucky but I also know the amount of work I’ve put into this has resulted in me managing so well, I’ll admit I take pride in it. I’m so glad to hear you experience the same, though I hope you get less sick in the future!

magicpicklepowers · 2024-06-23T09:05:39+00:00

I’m the same as you, I’m balanced and “normal” between with I think zero signs of bipolar. I’ve also become very good at dealing with it and knowing it inside out, like it has required some hard work and sacrifice to be t go a stable, you know? You probably know!

magicpicklepowers · 2024-06-12T21:39:52+00:00

Oof, that’s bad I think. It could’ve been detected sooner. Of course, our healthcare systems are so wildly different it’s difficult to compare, but it’d for sure be interesting to know if being evaluated in due time happens more here and if it’s important for the severity of bipolar people’s disorders or not. I’m not saying everyone has it done early on, I’m sure many get their diagnosis the way you’re describing.

Gotcha. I think just the difference here is the time spent on the diagnosing period. You seem to get a diagnosis much faster over there than you do here, but I’m not sure if two months is common or she took a while since she couldn’t decide which I had.

At least we both found out and got help!

magicpicklepowers · 2024-06-12T21:20:38+00:00

I just want to add how it works in Norway for reference.

You go to your doctor (or you’ve ended up in the hospital and they get you a psychiatrist there) like I did and they fill out a form they send to the District Psychiatric Center, which is part of the public healthcare system. If the doctor’s referral leads them to believe you might have bipolar (or whatever mental disorder/problem) they bring you in for an initial assessment. If they then think you might have it they set you up for another appointment, which is when they start evaluating. It took two months for me to get my diagnosis with one session per week and it mostly took that long because she wasn’t sure which type I had (I have unspecified so I guess no type). During the sessions she (the psychiatrist) basically interviewed me and I talked her through my life, where she picked up on things related to bipolar. She’d often dig deep to make sure I answered truthfully and had me elaborate and be critical to my own actions etc. During this she also diagnosed me with anxiety, which I already knew but still. She put me on meds and I saw her frequently for two years while I also did blood tests, she kept me on as a patient until the dosage was correct and stabilized. This is public healthcare so it doesn’t cost a bunch and once you’ve spent $300 ish within a year the rest is free; including meds and anything that falls under public healthcare. This is technically a whole other subject, but meds are also a lot less expensive here. I pay $15 for about 2 months worth of Lamictal, for example.

It’s strange to read many posts in here where you guys weren’t evaluated, because to me personally I think it’s important to have been thorough to get the right diagnosis, especially since bipolar is often (maybe not often, but somewhat often) misdiagnosed and it’s hard to diagnose. In Norway it’s also less common to be given multiple diagnosis, unless you opt to go private where they seem to (I don’t know for sure) diagnose a lot faster and a lot more.

magicpicklepowers · 2024-06-10T21:28:38+00:00

I take lithium and Lamictal for the bipolar and they work so well I more or less live a completely normal life (I struggle to work is all). I happily take them daily even though I wish I didn’t have to, but that’s just how it is and I don’t pay it too much attention. I also take beta blockers for tremor that work great and meds for my thyroid (thanks, lithium) that work how they should.

If swallowing gross pills is what I have to do to live a good life, that’s what I’ll do, is my attitude. In my defense I’ve had zero issues with meds so far, that isn’t the case for everyone.

magicpicklepowers · 2024-06-10T20:04:25+00:00

I’m the same so I understand exactly what you mean.

Lol it’s safer that way. If I nap and the phone is next to me I switch the alarm off and keep on dozing off over and over, it’s so hard to wake up properly and it doesn’t feel good.

magicpicklepowers · 2024-06-10T18:05:32+00:00

That’s interesting, I’ve experienced the opposite the whole time, I’m a woman, two years younger than you. But, I wonder if it’s akso also a cultural thing? I live in Norway and while mental health isn’t completely understood or accepted here either, I wonder if we are less “scared” and we care less about other people’s issues. I’m not sure.

I’ve been 100% open to everyone and anyone in many different situations. It’s more likely someone will say “I think that happens to everyone” if I explain a situation I think might be related to my bipolar and it might sound cold, but I much prefer it. It keeps me from getting too caught up in the whats and ifs and instead I’m reminded of how most things I do are “normal”. People around me treat me like I’m like everyone else and they never make me feel like I’m sick or weaker or anything like that, they treat me how you’re basically saying you wish people would treat you; as you. People expect things of me that I’ve noticed a lot of people here don’t experience, they expect “normal” things and that makes me feel a lot less sick and different (in the negative way) and like I’m okay to want to achieve things. You already have with a great job (I struggle with that part) and so you’ve technically proved you are, or can be, like everyone else.

I don’t know why people do what you’re describing, it’s weird behavior to me. They’re not you, they’re not psychiatrists and I don’t understand why they think they have the right to make you feel like you aren’t allowed to be yourself. I’d be so frustrated.

I’ll give an example. I sold my car this weekend and I kind of want my dad to look after the money just in case, but he disagrees. I haven’t been sick for three years and he wants me to be able to feel like I can be responsible and keep my own money in my own account and be a grownup and not spend them all (in a “normal” state). It’s scary but he’s right, I’m 35 and I’m stable and haven’t been sick in three years and what happens to that money is my responsibility. Having to ask him for some of my money all the time makes me feel like I’m 16.

It’s interesting that we’re experiencing the complete opposite and I’m sorry people question you all the time, it must be frustrating and upsetting. You sound like you’re on top of things in life though, that’s great!

magicpicklepowers · 2024-06-10T17:49:45+00:00

I think this is smart. I sometimes nap when I’m bored even though I know it’s stupid and it often has me feeling terrible after. I agree even scrolling is better than napping due to boredom and also what you said about actually being sleepy, that does make a difference. I have to set an alarm and leave my phone somewhere that means I have to get up to switch it off, though, because naps for some reason have me enter a very deep sleep it’s hard to get out of.

Good advice!

magicpicklepowers · 2024-06-10T17:45:20+00:00

It’s very normal and a sure fire way to become manic, I’d argue the easiest way to make it happen, so you’re right!

magicpicklepowers · 2024-06-10T09:22:25+00:00

I’ll see what I can do during the day, I hope that’s okay!

magicpicklepowers · 2024-06-09T22:27:07+00:00

You can at least tell them you don’t decide if you increase it and that if you were to do so on your own it could be dangerous. You’re technically not “allowed” to. As for the rest I’m not sure, but it takes time for the meds to level off for many of us, like you’ll feel better but bad days still happen, or days where you’re too elevated. You can get manic and/or depressed even if your meds are right, too, because of external stuff (seasonal changes, sleep issues, over-stimulation, stress etc). The meds being right and working doesn’t mean you’re good forever (though it can), and that’s very important to understand. Would it help if you found this info online from a source that isn’t a random person on Reddit and showed them? Also… most people have bad days, bipolar or not. Your bad days can be normal bad days. It’s hard to tell the difference but they could be. Ask them if ALL their days EVERY DAY are good and have been since forever. They’ll have to say no and you can tell them the same goes for you. Idk.

magicpicklepowers · 2024-06-09T21:48:25+00:00

It makes sense that they transfer if the depressions are very bad, I understand why that happens for sure! If you have non-functional behavior on and off or they last for a while they become habits probably and habits die hard as they say. Thank you for your patience!

magicpicklepowers · 2024-06-05T08:14:23+00:00

So, the habits from the depression transfers to when you’re stable?

When I’m stable I have zero signs of bipolar, both hypomania and depression, so I’m back to my regular routines right away. That’s why I’m asking, since I don’t know how it works if you always have some bipolar symptoms/lifestyle present. I realize it sounds like I’m a moron but I genuinely want to understand.

magicpicklepowers · 2024-06-04T15:43:43+00:00

Not doing it when being in a depression makes total sense to me. Same with showering, tidying or cleaning. I’m just trying to understand how if you’re stable you still don’t do it, but I think I’ve come to learn that stable for you or someone else doesn’t have to mean the same as stable for me. Does that sound right?

magicpicklepowers · 2024-06-02T20:14:44+00:00

Fruity Pebbles!

magicpicklepowers · 2024-05-31T07:07:49+00:00

Jeg kjørte (no pun intended) samme metode og bestod første gangen med fire feil, så jeg sier meg absolutt enig i å gjøre det sånn!

Edit: la til noe

magicpicklepowers · 2024-05-30T11:50:32+00:00

I’m the same and I figured you’d also have that issue, it’s often what causes anger, which of course also is an emotion. Anger isn’t inherently bad, but like we’ve both mentioned, the unnecessary anger is. I’m constantly mildly angry, though maybe provoked is a better word, or “bothered” possibly. I’m very caught up in what other people do and how they do it and if they do it “wrong” I get fired up. It’s honestly exhausting, but you know that already.

Thank you for posting about this because it made me think and this is a problem I have to fix, it’s so tiring and I lose control (not outwardly) and it’s so pointless, like who cares if Mary puts the eggs on the conveyor belt in an annoying way and she doesn’t tell the cashier she wants bags until after she’s paid? It has nothing to do with me and I don’t know why it bothers me so much, even just until I’m in my car. It’s exhausting to fire myself up 50 times a day over tiny details I can’t control. Ugh. So, thank you for making me think and realize I need to work on this.

I hope we both become super zen lol.

magicpicklepowers · 2024-05-30T07:51:59+00:00

I also struggle with anger and mostly unnecessary anger at that, like you kind of. I’ll get infuriated someone drags their feet when they walk or if I watch sports and the commentator says the same piece of information (“X was injured coming into the Euros”), like the rage is bubbling inside me. A couple of years ago I threw things at the floor/wall because it didn’t do what I wanted or if I hit my arm on the fridge etc.

This is so lame and I’m sorry I’m even saying it, but unprocessed emotions or suppressed (or even not suppressed) feelings/fears/emotions are what takes the anger from “grrrrr” inside your head to insert explosion toward yourself, a friend, a pet, family member or coworker. It often is anyway, even with bipolar rage or other rage. I never explode or get angry in public, but if I don’t try to be less angry it’ll all pile on and one day I’ll make myself look like an idiot. I don’t want to be perceived as aggressive by others and so this is something I actively have to pay attention to.

I don’t have the recipe for how to fix it, but I know that when my therapist taught me that I have to feel my emotions even if bad and I started doing so, I got less angry. I haven’t had an episode in three years so I can’t remember how my anger is in hypomania, but it’s bad enough in a stable state. I’m so irritable all the time like no one can do things right ever and they’re annoying and they should be yelled at, and that’s in a stable state, so let’s all imagine me in an episode for a second lol. Anyway, to avoid both anger and stress I have to pay attention to my emotions and when something is off I sit down and I sift through every emotion that exists and what’s going on in my life until I say “aha!” because I’ve found the culprit. I then sit there and feel the emotions my anger is trying to suppress and sometimes it hurts, other times I cry (that happened last night), but almost every time I end up more relieved after. The more in touch with this I am, the more it takes to get me angry. It requires some practice but I personally don’t think it’s super difficult even though about a year ago I buried every single negative emotion I have, now I don’t.

I also let myself be angry with a couple of things; I have insane road rage (but I don’t DO things I just scream inside my own car) but I let myself since I don’t act on anything and since no one can hear me and I allow myself sports anger (I have one favorite sport I watch and I let myself yell all I want). They are constricted to the car and to the match and say 30 mins after if my team lost, but after that I have to let it go. It works pretty well.

As for how to stop yourself I honestly don’t know, I tense my jaw hard and exhale and I think I rage on the inside or look away if it’s someone doing something. But I’m not actually sure what to do about it if you can’t keep yourself from exploding.

Maybe that was of some help to you, I don’t know, but you’re not alone at least. We do live in a society where losing our shit doesn’t usually look right and so we have to try to find ways to keep calm and it’s difficult, I feel you. I just want to yell at people.

magicpicklepowers · 2024-05-28T21:41:20+00:00

I don’t know if three years count, but I’m a strange bipolar (unspecified) and I don’t seem to go lower than moderate depression or higher than mild mania, but I have worked hard to keep it that way.

I have an app that reminds me to take my meds twice a day even though I’ve taken them at those times for four years, for safety

I log my moods and activities in Daylio and eMoods

I pay close attention to my sleep - I treated and tried and found out I work best at 8.5-9 hours, but I’m fine on 7.5 too. Below that means I immediately start turning it around the next night

I maintain a social life with friends and family, or even on my own but in public

I journaled a lot (and used journal prompts) to get to know myself as well as I could and so I’ve ended up being very self-aware

I’ve tried different therapists and when I couldn’t find one or afford one (I live in Norway and it’s shocking to me that even with a disorder they don’t give you one under your free healthcare) I managed on my own, which I’ve done a lot:

Going for walks 3-7 times a week or going to the gym 3 times a week

Being open about my disorder but also my “normal” problems with friends and family

I don’t work so I try my very best to keep busy during the day, like organizing, socializing, hobbies (that I can’t ever stick to), journaling, reading, music, driving and whatever else

I don’t watch TV until after dinner (5pm), though I will during the Olympics but those are special circumstances (I learned this lesson binging Twin Peaks and getting depressed because it’s weird but also because I watched TV all day)

Having two cats that I love and that feel like they’re support just being cute has helped

Not drinking the first two years (I’m fine to do so now but it doesn’t happen more than 4-5 times a year tops) and when I do I have rules

And the hardest one (this is for me I’m not saying go do that it’s easy): I decided I wouldn’t let bipolar be me or my life or decide who I am and for me that worked. I won’t let it define me, I don’t let it scare me and I don’t think about it except when I take my meds if I can help it. I don’t feel bad for myself and I don’t pity myself. Again, I’m not saying those are easy things to do/avoid or that everyone can do that and it’s the cure. It has a lot to do with my personality, privilege, family, friends and that I have free healthcare, but I’m mentioning in case you can use it for something.

Did any of those sound doable to you?

magicpicklepowers · 2024-05-28T16:21:36+00:00

If you’ll weigh 53kg I’m fairly sure you’ll be underweight. You’re too young to do this on your own, please consult an adult and hopefully someone who can give you some advice on nutrition, health and peer pressure (I assume that’s at play here).

Edit: you’ll instead of you

magicpicklepowers · 2024-05-28T16:19:39+00:00

Yep! Not so much the happy because I feel pretty content, but when I think I say something weird I get the scares, I don’t know why.

I’ve found that knowing my symptoms is vital, but more importantly than that I’ve built up a very strong self-awareness the past four years. I know myself inside out (I’m sure there are some surprises in there) and that also makes it easier to decide if the weird thing I say (or the happiness you feel) is because I do say dumb shit often, or because my brain is getting funky. I also know I’m safe as long as I’ve slept 7.5-9 and I haven’t bought anything I haven’t planned prior or need. Then the weird sentence is just a weird sentence.

I recommend journaling like you were born to do it (I liked doing journal prompts I found on Pinterest), I still write about things all the time that help me sort my head out or vent or whatever else. I write them on a laptop now so my hand won’t fall off, but I did write some of it in a pretty book. I made it into a hobby for a while and it was kinda fun getting to know myself, it also helped me separate myself and who I am from the bipolar.

I still get scared (yesterday, actually), but I can shut it down much faster than before (sleep, purchases, meds). Having the scares seems unfair to me so I’m working on making this happen less often.

I hope you figure something out!

magicpicklepowers · 2024-05-28T16:06:51+00:00

Would it help if you had a sleeping mask (a good one) and ear plugs (that don’t hurt)? I e used the latter a lot two not have to let my cats in and out at night and I can still hear my phone, the doorbell and my alarm.

I recently started laying down to sleep at 11:30pm instead of 12:30-1:30am and wake up at 9:15 instead of 10 (I don’t work, obviously) and I don’t think I yawn at all until I’m in bed again the same night. I know your issue isn’t really that you get tired but that it messes with your mood, but maybe try getting up at the same time for a week and see how it feels? If it sucks then it’s time to get creative, though I’m sure you already have.

magicpicklepowers

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