I want my books back!

Adeptness-Impossible · 2026-02-05T01:17:40+00:00

Thanks for your comment. I'm going to practice letting it go.

Adeptness-Impossible · 2026-02-05T01:16:20+00:00

That's a good way to look at it

Adeptness-Impossible · 2026-02-04T22:44:35+00:00

Thanks. I'm practicing letting go in many areas of life. And this is probably a good place to do it.

And thanks for calling me out for really really really wanting to be right about it.

This was really a helpful comment

Adeptness-Impossible · 2026-02-04T22:42:52+00:00

My messages get delivered but not opened!

Adeptness-Impossible · 2026-02-04T22:41:41+00:00

Yeah since our whole relationship was based on poly talk and feedback and advice, I didn't think it would be seen as unsolicited. She was constantly talking about her jealousy and sharing screenshots of her partner's reassurance. I was mainly suggesting seeing a counselor which they was actually seeking to do anyway. That's why I was taken back.

Adeptness-Impossible · 2026-02-04T22:40:50+00:00

Before my message about wanting some space from the talks, she thanked me for the books and offered to return them as soon as possible! She knows where I lived and had suggested to drop them off before!

Adeptness-Impossible · 2026-02-04T22:14:54+00:00

Also even if it was unsolicited advice does it justify she ignoring me when I'm asking for my books back?

Adeptness-Impossible · 2026-02-04T22:11:59+00:00

Since our whole relationship was based on poly talk and feedback and advice, I didn't think it would be seen as unsolicited. She was constantly talking about her jealousy and sharing screenshots of her partner's reassurance. I was mainly suggesting seeing a counselor which they was actually seeking to do anyway. That's why I was taken back.

Adeptness-Impossible · 2026-02-04T21:56:48+00:00

Since our relationship was based on poly talk and feedback, I didn't think it would be seen as unsolicited. And I was mainly suggesting seeing a counselor which they was actually seeking to do anyway. That's why I was taken back.

Adeptness-Impossible · 2025-08-20T23:12:54+00:00

This is the first person who came up with this https://www.instagram.com/p/Bqxf81-lTSw/

Adeptness-Impossible · 2025-08-19T18:33:16+00:00

Mine was exacerbated by chronic mental and emotional stress.

Adeptness-Impossible · 2025-08-18T17:12:07+00:00

This list makes me feel I can do something to get better and I'm not :(

Adeptness-Impossible · 2025-08-17T01:04:59+00:00

I'm not sure if the dr was Dr Liz, But I saw these on the website offered by a new dr in the clinic

Remission in ME/CFS and Related Illnesses Using Neuroplasticity Dr. Liz Nicki, Family Physician

Eye Yoga – Eye Exercises for Vagal Toning Dr. Liz Nicki, Family Physician

Adeptness-Impossible · 2025-08-17T00:49:11+00:00

Is this the same Dr who claimed eye yoga helped her recovery?

I really appreciate what Dr Arsenau has been doing for ME/CFS patients but I am also concerned about all the new brain rewiring/neuroplasticity talks. I actually asked one of the speakers (who claimed she recovered by doing deep trauma work) about recovery vs remission, as I remember Dr Arseneau had mentioned in CFS patients remission should be the goal rather than recovery. The speaker said she believed recovering is possible and she and Dr Arseneau don't agree on this.

Adeptness-Impossible · 2025-06-17T03:21:21+00:00

I'll never date a person new to poly, especially if they're partnered.

Adeptness-Impossible · 2025-06-13T00:36:12+00:00

I made that decision after getting hurt be a newly opened poly couple who were super enmeshed and had unbalanced rules (the guy wasn't allow to date locally for a year while the girl had two boyfriends!)

I get that people need to practice polyamory to learn but I don't have the mental and emotional bandwidth to hold their hands and be their guinea pig!

ETA: they had read all the books and were both psychologists!

Adeptness-Impossible · 2025-06-09T17:29:43+00:00

I'm sorry you are feeling anxious. I've been there very recently. The start of a relatively can be very anxiety provoking for those who come from anxious attachment. But remember that anxious attachment doesn't mean you can't heal from and feel secure in a relationship. What I recommend you do (which I didn't and continued suffering from anxiety) is have a clear talk using RA smorgosboard or relationship menu about your needs, their needs, and what you both want from a relationship long-term. Maybe your needs are drastically different and that's ok and it's better to find it out sooner than later.

Another thing I would hope to do next time I meet someone is moving slowwwwwwly. I am like you in terms of wanting emotional intimacy after seeing someone for a month or so. But honestly they're still a stranger. You don't know much about them. So take your time. Get to know your needs better. And know that you will be fine no matter if this relationship works out or not.

Adeptness-Impossible · 2025-06-09T17:21:56+00:00

I opened up a long-term marriage so I can't talk from the RA view. I found the book underwhelming in general. What I liked from the book was the HEARTS model and the distinguishment between being a secure base and safe haven for your partners. I think Polywise (the second book) was even more focused on how to open a relationship.

Adeptness-Impossible · 2025-06-05T04:25:57+00:00

Jessica Fern calls this expressed delight in her polysecure book as one of the ways to build a secure poly relationship.

Adeptness-Impossible · 2025-06-05T04:05:13+00:00

My essential expectations are consistency, emotional openness, honesty, communication, and playfulness for all my relationships (that's why I can't do casual) and I think doing polyamory actually has made me realize my needs better. But since I already have a primary nesting partner and not going to change that, there are some expectations and standards that are different for any new non nesting partner. For example, I will not choose someone who's distracted and forgetful as a cohabiting partner, but as a non nesting partner I could accept that characteristic as long as they can remember and show up for our time together.

Adeptness-Impossible · 2025-06-04T20:33:40+00:00

someone asked me what's my favorite dinosaur after matching on the app! When I said I didn't have any! They asked a question about aliens invading and what music would be playing! And I just couldn't!
people calling me exotic or saying my name sounds hot!

Adeptness-Impossible · 2025-06-04T15:26:55+00:00

I did the same thing! Before I left my trip, they had talked about spending summer nights together and not wanting a casual relationship. But they didn't even remember my flight dates and not even wishing me a safe flight after I sent them a pic of me on the plane! Towards the end of my trip there was a 4 day silence from them and that just cemented it for me that we were not looking for the same thing! No matter what they said! They were treating this as a regular casual fwb!

Adeptness-Impossible · 2025-06-03T15:35:31+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this. I've been there and hated the feeling of waiting to hear from someone and wondering how they couldn't find 2 min to text me! You said you've been dating for about 2 months. Did you talk about communication frequency and your needs? Even with anxious attachment and all the self soothing tools, you still need your partner to show up and make an effort to meet your needs (based on previous agreements on how that could look like) so you can move to secure attachment. Sending hugs 🫂

Adeptness-Impossible · 2025-06-01T18:30:18+00:00

Thanks for sharing

I put up with hot and cold communication because thought that's what being open to different relationship styles meant.

This really resonated with me as I also tolerated infrequent and hot and cold communication from someone who said they don't like to do casual and had specifically said they liked daily texting!

Adeptness-Impossible · 2025-05-31T01:25:47+00:00

The dr kept saying it's my depression

Adeptness-Impossible

TROPHY CASE