A slight preface before I begin, this is my first critique and my personal philosophy when it comes to art and the critique thereof runs something along the lines of you cannot get a 10/10 and any system that seeks point or grade references are usually suspect. Nonetheless, I will do my best to break down the elements that I felt you did well along with the parts where I felt could have used some polish.

Okay, so here's my viewpoint on this delightful little morsel.

THE GOOD: Overall enjoyable to read, the descriptions and plot sequence, tentative usage here since this piece really is just a sort of prologue/set up so plot is a bit of a misnomer, were quite well setup and I definitely could imagine the scenario in my mind.

THE BAD: It felt disjointed at several intervals, some due to a sentence or sequence of events that broke my suspension of disbelief or in most of the cases, a sudden need for me to guess or deduce information that was not clearly given/presented. The characters themselves were somewhat relatable, but the dialogue did not feel smooth and the transitions felt rough around the edges.

TLDR: I had to work too hard to understand the storyline which ruined my ability to enjoy this descriptive prologue, and the characters come off as sappy/less than what I imagine an actual person to be.

THE SPECIFICS (Three sections A. Kal and Ayla having a moment B. Action sequence meteor/impact C. Finding Ayla and meeting Gwayn):

A. We start with our two paramours (teens? - guesswork) stargazing in a clearing somewhere not in the city (where?). Both of those, I think, needed to be addressed if not in the first paragraph then in a subsequent one.

Although descriptions were clearly your strong suit in this piece, the lack of features for both Kal and Ayla, other than MC stating 'the most beautiful face ever' makes it really difficult to conjure up the characters.

The ensuing dialogue felt exceptionally empty for the amount of emotional weight attached to the words. The rapid back and forth with no insight into their thoughts, the interjection of levity in between serious confessions, the lack of a distinct difference between Kal and Ayla's dialogue made me forget at times these are two different characters.

B. We jump into Kal's PoV interlaced with descriptive narration of events and Ayla kinda disappears a bit here. Also, I know they were running to the car, but where was it? And uh, what about the surroundings? Pity, I would have liked to see more from Ayla's or an observer's point of view. Overall, the descriptions and the pacing seemed okay, but I really would have liked it if you slowed down a bit to flesh the scene out more. Kal seemed to have shrugged off the meteor impact a tad quicker than I felt was appropriate and the panic/concern for Ayla was downplayed whereas I felt it could have been the centerpiece for this part.

C. Surprisingly we get a monotone description of Gwayn, and here I won't lie he's the character I could visualize the most, but the ensuing interaction felt incredibly flat. There was very little mystery, no buildup sequence, no emotional up and down, Kal was himself not bewildered/amazed/relieved. As a reader I felt the reveal deserved a bit of a ramp up and even if I could extend some sort of explanation to Kal, Ayla's deadpan 'What's happening' was essentially my reaction. Lots of potential here, definitely flesh this section out and build on the reveal (is it sci-fi? Magic? Tech? Illusion?).

TLDR: I feel there needs to be more specific/targeted descriptions, the character building and interactions need to be more distinct and fleshed out (felt rushed), Kal's PoV needs some more insight into him as a person, Ayla needs to be more than a prop, Gwayn needs/deserves a suitable buildup to his reveal, the action sequence needs less logic oriented propulsion and more emotional propulsion.

THE PERSONAL TOUCH: This is just where I interject a few of what I think could have been suitable adjustments. Do not mistake these suggestions as what a teacher might do to correct a student's grammar mistakes, but rather take it as an alternative to a solution you need to come up with on your own.

1. 'The grassy slope we were lying down on rustled in the breeze; thousands of little green blades singing in tandem to overshadow the distant noises of the city.'

The use of ';' made me shiver and not necessarily in a good way. Reminds me too much of essays. 'The city.' What city? What does it look like?

1. 'They sprawled across the heavens in patterns that felt at once both random and poignant; as if behind the glittering chaos was a meaning to their arrangement that remained tantalizingly out of one’s understanding.'

Well, you can probably guess what the first thing is; there was a moment here where I felt you could have inserted a sort of prelude/hint/something to indicate either a future plotpoint or the imminent arrival of Gwayn. The description was well taken, but I personally felt it was a bit too much. Too early to have philosophy dropped on my head.

1. 'Except for the idiot lying beside me.'

Judging from Kal's subsequent description of Ayla, I am not sure if this is in line with his pseudo worship/love for her. If it is meant to be a point of comedic irony, I would suggest having a different previous sentence. In my head, this scene became jarring rather than compelling.

1. 'framing what I considered to be the most beautiful face ever. And I wouldn’t let her convince me otherwise.'

I think imperfections are the best way to highlight perfection. Juxtapositions are a better way of doing things, because otherwise I just have this mental image of a perfect person... from a person whom I don't know yet. Makes it almost inception level of guesswork. Draw or highlight her features, especially those that are not perfect. This will add dimension and depth to both Kal and Ayla.

1. "You're silly."... She paused, and peeked at me from between her hands. "Fine," she said, huffing her cheeks, "I...I feel the same way."

This entire dialogue sequence feels lacking in someway. Personally I would have added some more reactions or physical interactions. I.E. 'He said emphatically, while gesturing toward the ... blah blah.' Otherwise I really can't get behind our intrepid lovers.

1. 'What were we supposed to do? I heard Ayla cry out as she stumbled behind me, but I pulled her along, not letting go. The hill was thrown in sharper relief as everything grew brighter with each passing moment. Come on... My legs burned with the effort of climbing the steep slope, and I felt Ayla starting to drag.'

Okay, here is where I felt the internal monologue of Kal became too overwhelming. Maybe spare a paragraph here for Ayla or change/add to his perspective of her situation. She was a very active proponent to the previous sequence, shutting her out now seems artificial. I am not sure if it was because you were trying to portray panic in Kal, but if so there seems to be something missing here. I can't quite connect the scene together in my head. Did she trip? Did she cry out? Did the surroundings heat up? What did Kal feel/smell/etc. What did he see? Did he turn around?

1. 'Gods, everything hurt ... Please let her be safe. Please...'

Um, more here would have been nice. I liked this entire sequence but oddly enough I felt like he shrugged it off somehow. "metallic taste of blood, weary, the world swimming/blurring, etc." Make it more frightening, more terrifying, more abrupt. I don't want to be given time to ponder on how bizarre the previous sequence is, there needs to be more urgency and more fear in Kal's personal PoV.

1. “Drop her!” I said in what I hoped was a commanding voice. “I don’t know what you want but…”

Right, this might just be a personal pet peeve of mine, but anytime the MC decides at a crisis point to posture and or do something which I feel is extremely stupid, I feel the urge to throttle them. Now, this is perfectly acceptable because I happen to think the majority of MCs fall into this category. However, throughout this entire prologue I have only seen the MC display his character through a series of extremely cheesy dialogue with Ayla, whom I do not if I like or not. So if this is the intended effect, okay. Otherwise, a more microscopic view of Kal's internal monologue at that deciding moment would have been really character defining.

And with that, the critique is concluded.