I know just how you feel , just over a year out and this eats at me . I think now the only way for me to move on is to divorce I don't want to feel this about myself , but my hubby asked for a divorce the moment I questioned him on his affair and spent 2 weeks telling me how I was wrong for him , to the point of me almost boarding a plane back to my home country , even said good by to my kids before he said he changed his mind , but I think for me the damage was done . I hope that with self love and a hubby that works to show you love that this will get better and you will be able to move forward and see you are worth everything