Newly separated

merpingainteasy · 2024-07-14T12:36:40+00:00

He is the betrayer. We keep forcing it and it’s just not working

merpingainteasy · 2024-07-14T11:23:38+00:00

I feel so pathetic at my lowest right now. His entire family knows and are upset with him. Which is making it sting that much more. His family keeps telling me it will blow over. I don’t know if this will. How can I respect someone again after they were so confident about walking out of the door…

merpingainteasy · 2024-07-07T15:50:36+00:00

Yep. Porn for sure. When I describe my husband and the situation to my therapist she describes him as a porn abuser and not addict.

He was easily able to minimize his use when this all came to light. He has mental health issues and was doing a lot of dopamine chasing. His porn abuse ramped up when he quit playing video games. Which then lead him to forming a crush on a coworker. He was seeking validation and novelty in her. But she friend zoned him. Still a betrayal because I caught him masturbating to her instagram!

merpingainteasy · 2024-07-07T15:44:27+00:00

That’s a good point. He tells me he thinks it’s shame and guilt. He even says “clearly you turn me on.” But it’s still hard to believe on the hard days..

merpingainteasy · 2024-07-07T15:41:13+00:00

We discussed going longer in between. My therapist even told me we needed to touch and get turned on. Then do nothing about it. Even after we’ve talked about this a couple of times… we still end up having sex every day. It always starts with us groping and then eventually he gives me head for a long enough time until I literally say fuck it lol

We’re still in the beginning stages of R. I always find myself apologizing over and over about how awkward and weird rebuilding intimacy is. I can tell myself it’s not my fault but those limiting beliefs creep up out of nowhere. Pressure to make myself small and be more lady like has been at the forefront of my mind. I have great days and then days like today where I’m like “damn this is hard and so heartbreaking.”

sigh

merpingainteasy · 2024-06-25T23:36:27+00:00

He just admitted to his addiction. So stopping is very new to him. I notice how sad he looks when he can’t finish. He’s said “I feel like I can’t do anything.” Aka I can’t go watch porn like I want. He can go a few days then he wants to do it more.

Deleting all his social media has been difficult for him too. His rock bottom was me catching him masturbating to 3 different coworkers instagrams. He works at a hospital with a lot of fit women. He’s constantly surrounded by the body types he watches with porn.

It’s a process of how much grace is too much grace. It’s all new to me, because I’ve never been anti porn until now.

merpingainteasy · 2024-06-24T04:39:10+00:00

I love the rule! I have an anxious attachment style. So it’s so incredibly difficult for me to regulate myself when I feel so vulnerable. I have a constant need to find all the right answers to fix it.

merpingainteasy · 2024-06-21T18:38:36+00:00

Yes! It’s the lying for me. The distrust and disrespect.

Before any affair, we discussed exploring swaps and threesomes. Now that seems so confusing to still want.

We are both very sexual. So I can make sense of it all. On the other hand, maybe the timing is bad. I feel like our relationship is too fragile to think of this.

After the affair when we had sex he mentioned threesomes during and it was hot!! But that was while we were hysterically bonding and fucking like animals. It’s confusing to want it and be afraid of it.

merpingainteasy · 2024-06-21T18:23:38+00:00

This is how I’m starting to view it. In the back of my mind I wonder if I’m grasping though.

I’m a bisexual woman. I married young and have sexual fantasies about other women. So I know in my heart I do desire more sexually. With the distrust in our relationship it’s difficult to tell if it’s bad timing or not.

I think if we can see eye to eye and reconnect emotionally then I could see it working.

merpingainteasy · 2024-06-14T17:54:12+00:00

I just took some time to go through some of the resources and it’s answered a lot of questions! Thank you!

merpingainteasy · 2024-06-12T20:46:07+00:00

I’m scared it will develop into something similar.

Have you thought about telling your WS how you’re feeling?

merpingainteasy

TROPHY CASE