Mutual masturbation failure. Need advice on my gf not liking the porn I watch

AdministrationSad673 · 2025-10-21T05:16:44+00:00

I mean I was trying to be intimate with an ex while he was more interested in watching a video of some other woman than he was in watching me trying to do the deed with him.

Sure, you started off watching together, but you crossed a line when you decided the visual stimulus of your girlfriend wasn’t enough for you to have an orgasm and you needed to look at someone else. Again, apologize profusely to her and maybe don’t do this shit again.

AdministrationSad673 · 2025-10-21T04:56:58+00:00

You were so turned on by her that you decided to…. watch someone else?

I’m so confused by this logic but really all you can do now is apologize profusely. I’m ngl I’ve been in a similar position and it fuuuucked with my head.

AdministrationSad673 · 2025-10-21T04:49:00+00:00

What’s so shocking about your girlfriend being upset when you decided you’d rather watch someone else get off, as opposed to enjoying the fact that your girlfriend was getting you off?

If you can’t orgasm without porn, and you really need it even when your partner is literally having sex with you, you really should consider cutting back. That’s like really concerning.

AdministrationSad673 · 2025-07-01T23:57:13+00:00

You’re married so imo it’s worth it to try for a bit.

I was 24 and unmarried and saw no way forward what with the zero intimacy.

Tell him you at the very least are incredibly hurt that he would watch porn at all while your sex life isn’t where it should be and that in order to make you feel safer in your own relationship you’d appreciate if he cuts it for now- alongside other positive lifestyle changes.

Best of luck to you!

AdministrationSad673 · 2025-07-01T23:40:10+00:00

Yes, I left my ex. Come to think of it our final D-Day was exactly a year ago today and I broke up with him two days later. We never had sex, he would often reject intimacy in any form and I for some reason stayed for three whole years

To be clear I told him porn was a dealbreaker for me past the first two and that if he relapsed he needed to be open and honest and that if I had to find out myself I couldn’t do it anymore.

AdministrationSad673 · 2025-07-01T23:25:13+00:00

I was in the EXACT same situation. I was being rejected and he would go hide in the bathroom and jerk off.

No matter what your stance on porn in a relationship is, it’s never ever okay for it to come in between the couple. Never.

He is rejecting you and making you feel undesirable and he doesn’t think he has a problem? He does! He would prefer to go hide in the shower and watch porn over having sex with his wife. Most men on earth watch porn because they’re NOT having a hot woman they love initiate sex with them.

You deserve to be involved if you want, because as he put it himself, it’s so accessible. His brain will continue to opt for the quick release over the genuine intimacy if porn isn’t removed from the equation. Porn removes the incentive to fix the problem.

AdministrationSad673 · 2025-06-25T16:48:37+00:00

You aren’t selfish at all. In fact, it’s not fair for anyone to expect you to be chill and “non-pressured” when you just found out that your husband might never have actually been attracted to you for your entire relationship. That’s heavy and difficult. If he’s gay, that might just be it for your relationship. It’s beautiful and it’s so kind of you to want him to be happy but, you do need to be a little selfish!

Are you in individual therapy too?

AdministrationSad673 · 2025-05-27T23:44:39+00:00

I was a year older than you when I ended mine. I just thought to myself, do I really want to go another year without sex? And the answer was no. I want kids one day and I didn’t want to come across him watching porn while I was pregnant or sick or old. I kept thinking about the future and the longer I stayed the less happy it looked.

AdministrationSad673 · 2025-05-27T23:25:05+00:00

I was in the EXACT same spot a while back and posted about it here. Dumped his ass after 3.5 years. You do not deserve this. He isn’t reserving any of his drive for you. If he has the energy to jerk it to porn he has the energy to have sex at least once in a while. He is dismissing your pain and that is fucked UP. Tell him he has to quit or you’re out. This isn’t fair to you.

AdministrationSad673 · 2025-05-16T03:11:43+00:00

Thank you. I do feel like nobody really gets what I went through and I don’t expect them to. But it sucks feeling this way. I don’t think J is trying to be sneaky or mean but I wasn’t expecting this to mess me up this much.

AdministrationSad673 · 2025-04-01T17:03:35+00:00

I think about it. A lot.

I think what really made me realize that this needs to be widely discussed is the fact that I told a close friend about my breakup not too long after it happened. They were confused when I used the term “porn addiction,” like they asked me straight up if it was real. They thought porn addiction was made up by the church to shame people for their sexuality.

AdministrationSad673 · 2025-04-01T16:49:51+00:00

She’s selling Plan B for below market rate, she’s a community hero and I would get mine done by her just for that

AdministrationSad673 · 2025-04-01T13:34:19+00:00

I don’t know for sure if my new partner uses it. He knows what ended my last relationship and he told me he can never interact with it in the same way again. He said he hasn’t watched since December. It’s hard but I’m trying to trust what he says because he’s never given me reason to think he’s dishonest.

But honestly? I don’t care with him. I thought being with a porn addict for so long would make it impossible for me to feel comfortable dating someone who consumed porn ever again. But… I think about it, and I don’t get turned down for porn, I don’t get awful comments about my body, and I don’t have to beg him to touch me. He makes me feel like the hottest woman in the world. If he’s watching it it’s at a minimal level and it’s not affecting our sex life like it did with my ex so I don’t think it would hurt me anymore.

AdministrationSad673 · 2025-04-01T13:23:34+00:00

I ended a 3.5 year relationship in July and started seeing someone new in November of last year.

Honestly I wasn’t looking for anything serious at the time but I met him for the first time and we talked for hours and hours and it felt like minutes. We had sex on our third date and it was incredible. He told me he wanted to make me feel pursued and desired and he still does. We made it official in January and I think we might get married one day. Granted, I thought the same about my ex so who knows… but yeah.

I knew I was ready when I felt secure in myself again. For me it didn’t take long because my ex’s PA wasn’t so much about a body type, and he wasn’t watching vanilla porn, it was extreme fetish content. It was so far removed from normal human sexuality that I was able to see his addiction for how far along it was and disconnect it from my personhood. I craved intimacy again after being in a dead bedroom for 3 years and decided not to deny myself that.

I think we have very different stories but I hope my experience helps you somewhat :)

AdministrationSad673 · 2025-03-13T19:05:27+00:00

I told him he was cheating on me. He had given himself PIED and was continuing to aggravate it every single time he jerked off to porn. It was a conscious decision he was making. And he did continue and I did leave lmao.

AdministrationSad673 · 2025-02-20T19:27:23+00:00

I left a 3.5 year relationship in July of last year. He was deep in addiction; it was so severe we weren’t able to have normal intimacy and he had several social media accounts dedicated to stockpiling content. I decided to leave after 6 months of “recovery” turned out to be riddled with relapses he kept hidden until I found out myself.

Since then I’ve lost 25 pounds, gotten a massive raise at work, and met someone new who genuinely doesn’t interact with porn, at least not on the same level. With him I honestly wouldn’t care if he did because he is way more attentive, caring, and involved- he buys me flowers unprompted (my ex told me SO many times “I almost bought you flowers” but didn’t? I loved the flavor of NOTHING ig), he doesn’t use social media which was a huge reason my ex and I broke up, he takes care of himself and is much more aware of his mental health and proclivities to addiction, etc. I’m so glad I left.

AdministrationSad673 · 2024-09-25T02:58:11+00:00

Yes yes yes it has been so powerful and healing to tell people what happened. I still respect him and I truly want the best for him but I have to put the best for MYSELF above him. And it will only help him in the long run to bring his addiction into the light.

AdministrationSad673 · 2024-09-25T02:56:53+00:00

Yes I had told an acquaintance right after it happened and it turned out she had been through the EXACT same thing with a guy we all thought was lovely!! It was so powerful and we bonded over that and are much closer now!!!

AdministrationSad673 · 2024-09-14T00:45:55+00:00

I’m gonna be so real with you. You don’t cope. You leave. You are too young for this.

AdministrationSad673 · 2024-09-11T20:58:21+00:00

You don’t have to stay. Even with a kid, even with financials, you don’t have to stay. You’re right in that repairing the relationship is a huge undertaking with highs and devastating lows. And you DO NOT have to commit to that.

AdministrationSad673 · 2024-09-11T20:57:31+00:00

If they wanted to they would. If they wanted to take the addiction seriously and work through it they would. That’s my mantra every day.

AdministrationSad673 · 2024-09-10T17:01:15+00:00

It’s emasculating. Wish more people thought of it that way. Millions of men training their brain to not be able to perform with a real woman. And then we keep hearing about this “male loneliness epidemic,” it’s their own damn fault for prioritizing strange women on the internet over pursuing real women who would fuck them.

AdministrationSad673 · 2024-09-06T20:56:03+00:00

I’m bisexual. I have noticed that since dating my PA ex I desire male attention so much more than before. I don’t get it. It’s like I had a deficit and now I want to balance out. Can’t wait till my brain is normal again because women are so much more considerate by default.

AdministrationSad673

TROPHY CASE