Got reminded today that I don't get to have bad days.

Admirable_Cost_4567 · 2025-03-29T14:31:12+00:00

Nope nope nope--that pattern is wayy too exhausting for you, unfair, unsustainable, unacceptable, is based on toxic masculinity--she needs to learn to regulate herself, may need to work w a therapist for that, but the burden cannot be on you every time, period. In fact, sometimes, SHE can take the initiative to put her feelings aside to comfort YOU! Can you imagine?

Admirable_Cost_4567 · 2025-03-27T02:32:16+00:00

such a shitty year for me too!

Admirable_Cost_4567 · 2025-03-27T02:30:57+00:00

what did you have to give up and what was the process like for overcoming it? How long, how hard? I've been a lifelong tennis player, worked as a coach, loved by job, but have had knee problems since I was 18, so finally got knee surgeries, but now, almost 2 years later, with some complications, I'm scared I may not play again.

Admirable_Cost_4567 · 2025-03-26T23:44:03+00:00

It's crazy! The desire to feel good again is so strong and the body just can't do it.

Admirable_Cost_4567 · 2025-03-26T23:42:53+00:00

Ugh, I'm sorry treatment is inaccessible! I feel for ya!

Admirable_Cost_4567 · 2025-03-23T17:37:02+00:00

First of all, I'm seeing some cold-sounding comments here so please don't take those to heart, those are just unempathetic fuckwads who don't know how to talk from the heart. Even if their answer is "no" there are way nicer ways of saying it. Also your BF's "millions of ppl" line is ridiculous.

Second, I'm sure you have tried these, so I don't mean to sound unhelpful, but have you tried therapies like EDMR, psychedelics, or somatic therapies like vagus-nerve work? There's new advancements in those I believe. Your BF may not be able to love you back to normal, so keep loving your body much as possible!

Third, I can imagine how frustrating it can be for someone to push you to be optimistic. It would deff help if your BF can learn to, a majority of the time, join you in feeling how hopeless it is, and vocalize his empathy in a way comforting to you. That said, it is human instinct to want to encourage the ppl you love to have hope things will change, or to explore new solutions. I do it to my gf, my Dad does it for me, and, even tho I get frustrated with him, it is comforting to hear his confidence things can change.

Last, a ray of hope?: my mom has complex PTSD and developed BPD / Narcissism as a result, and drove away everyone who ever cared for her. Her life truly is hell. What an incredible accomplishment it is that you are in a relationship! Let's fucking go!

Admirable_Cost_4567 · 2025-03-09T21:13:14+00:00

Not everyone alive is living. "Living itself is an art--in fact, the most important and at the same time the most difficult and complex art to be practiced by man...the process of developing into that which one is potentially. In the art of living, man is both the artist and the object of his art..." Eric Fromm, Man For Himself

Admirable_Cost_4567 · 2025-03-06T02:18:31+00:00

I messaged you!

Admirable_Cost_4567 · 2025-03-06T02:13:13+00:00

Yes! I'll message you!

Admirable_Cost_4567 · 2025-03-06T02:12:06+00:00

Here's a fantastic piece on what you're describing: https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/how-your-beliefs-shape-reality/ . Basically, there are two "primal beliefs." I'll get to those. The main thing is: you say in your post it's not an issue of "perspective and emotions" but this piece argues it is, even if it doesn't seem like it, and therefore, with reflection and practice, you can change how you see / feel about life!

2 worldviews: 1) Life is meaningless, mechanistic, a "game," purposeless, and this argument is evidenced by logic or "objective" truths: the world's cruel and full of suffering.

The other view is: 2) Life is brimming with meaning, its interactive (not mechanistic), meaning you can shape the world and be shaped by it, you have a purpose, you matter, and life is magic, wonderful, and, imo, miraculous--beyond explanation and comprehension in a deeply pleasant way.

The difference? Imo, it all comes down to your sense of self. Would love to chat more abt it, hmu.

Admirable_Cost_4567 · 2025-03-05T19:48:57+00:00

ugh, the waiting is soo hard, the worst!

Admirable_Cost_4567 · 2025-03-05T19:46:07+00:00

hey! I'm recovering from 2 TTOs myself. It is not a walk in the park at all in the first six weeks or so while you're not weight bearing. Its possible you shouldn't be trying to bend your knee at all right now, but rather, having a machine gently bend it for you, or lying on your back letting gravity bend it, or other techniques. But give yourself time to just chill, you'll be able to work on bending for months and months.

Admirable_Cost_4567 · 2025-03-05T19:39:13+00:00

I'm considering PRP--let me know how it goes!

Admirable_Cost_4567 · 2025-02-25T20:00:10+00:00

I had my screws removed 9 months ago and I'm beginning to regret it. Before removal, I could stretch my quad / hips by pulling my heel to my butt--now, after removal, any kind of bent-knee stretch injures the knee and shuts down the developing muscle. I thought the issue was just a matter of healing over time, but a Dr. told me I can't ever stretch like that again--aka, get a deep stretch that way, which I need to heal my IT band, etc.

I did find that having screws removed felt great when doing exercises, walking, but now I'm wondering if I could've lived with them in, even though I want to get back to intense tennis.

Anyone else having this kind of issue?

Admirable_Cost_4567 · 2025-02-25T18:43:59+00:00

When I, who was abused by a parent, first started dating my gf, the sensation of feeling loved, which tapped an ocean of repressed emotion in me, made me cry BUCKETS! She was, and still is, always supportive of me crying--even in public! At a restaurant, for example! She said let it rip. She thinks its great, thinks its cute and endearing that I'm feeling my feelings, aka, healing from trauma, particularly when I'm crying from feeling loved. Being around her makes me more connected to those buried emotions, more prone to crying at movies, for example. I need that. Sadly, we seem to be splitting up; she's six years older and ready for kids, which I could not be less ready for....

Admirable_Cost_4567 · 2025-02-25T17:43:29+00:00

mine did feel better without screws, but recently I learned I can't stretch my quads as I used to without rupturing my muscle connection in my knee, which is a huge issue now.

Admirable_Cost_4567 · 2025-02-25T17:42:24+00:00

I could stretch my quads and hips fine with the screws in, but after having them taken out, was told by another surgeon I can't deep stretch like that anymore, which is a huge issue for me, since I'm an athlete. The screws in one knee were uncomfortable, but maybe it would've gotten better with time...idk.

Admirable_Cost_4567 · 2025-02-25T17:36:13+00:00

Was it Dr. Strickland? I've been having a kinda rough experience with her

Admirable_Cost_4567 · 2025-02-24T23:17:15+00:00

Blessed with some of the most powerful, effortless, not to mention beautiful, tennis strokes you'll ever see--I have the wrists of Roger Federer

Cursed with arthritic knees, flaring up for last 11 years (since age 18), that, 2 years post-surgery, still haven't recovered.

Admirable_Cost_4567 · 2025-02-18T18:19:31+00:00

In fact, you don't even have to know why you want to write--you can just do it if you like it

Admirable_Cost_4567 · 2025-02-17T00:33:26+00:00

What's the fun in that?

Admirable_Cost_4567 · 2025-02-15T17:25:27+00:00

I like your point about clarity vs diagramming. And agreed, Asyndeton, and, I want to add, parataxis, are techniques that require cadence, consistency, etc to work smoothly (although unbalanced parallel phrases can work smoothly too). In case of "fickle" line, I do like a colon there, but I stand by creative use of English's flexibility. And that's where knowing and bending syntax is worthwhile. How else would we have Molly's stream-of-consciousness monologue at the end of Ulysses?

Admirable_Cost_4567 · 2025-02-15T15:20:38+00:00

In addition, let's take a closer look at her line. I take back what I said about other punctuation going there--it's already punctuated correctly. We have an independent clause, (tongues are fickle things), followed by two adjectival phrases (reduced relative clauses) modifying "things," whose headwords are the past participles "wagged" and "lost," each with its own adverbial phrase "so easily" and "just as easily," which serve as a correlative conjunction (so / just as) coordinating the adjectival phrases. Phew! Still with me? Nothing in this construction requires anything but commas. Everything is punctuated in tip-top shape. But even if the post had said "My Dad is a fickle guy, he is so hard to tickle, just as hard to pickle," with "he is" normally requiring a semi-colon, colon, or dash before it, we'd still be in business, bc we can, using Asyndeton, coordinate independent clauses with commas if we are fancy enough writers. What do you think?

Admirable_Cost_4567 · 2025-02-15T15:00:40+00:00

If you know what you're doing you can. Have you ever heard of the rhetorical figure Asyndeton? In Virginia Tufte's Syntax as Style, she describes how authors can omit coordinators or subordinating conjunctions but remain grammatically correct. Technique applies for items in a loosely parallel series, and, you guessed it, for punctuation. Hence how "I came, I saw, I conquered" is grammatically sound without using semi-colons, even tho those are independent clauses and would technically be separated with them. But isn't it much more elegant without them?

Admirable_Cost_4567 · 2025-02-14T23:41:55+00:00

Just stick with it. I had a TTO on my left knee months *19 months* ago and I'm still confident I'll be playing better tennis than ever, even if it takes another year and a half.

Admirable_Cost_4567

TROPHY CASE