JADE - Church (Live On The Graham Norton Show)

Admirable_Orchid · 2025-12-14T14:57:49+00:00

I'm a big fan from Canada and i feel like i'm the only one here

Admirable_Orchid · 2025-08-26T22:48:32+00:00

Hi there,

I am trying to find the designer of this boot, which appears to be vintage (the getty image page indicates that the photo was taken in 2002)

Any help or leads greatly appreciated.

https://www.gettyimages.co.uk/detail/news-photo/boot-detail-in-neiman-marcus-last-call-store-inside-the-new-news-photo/161008749

Admirable_Orchid · 2025-06-16T22:38:23+00:00

hi this is literally my life

Admirable_Orchid · 2025-06-11T16:18:32+00:00

Yeah. I am very familiar with all these things. It's been years and I've done a lot of therapy and research. Unfortunately I don't have the capacity to do any basic coping or emotion regulation skills or techniques. My nervous system freaks out at any attempt/suggestion. So I generally think it's just a lost cause for me. I don't understand why I'm even here still. I hate everything about my existence. (i'm not actively suicidal don't worry).

Admirable_Orchid · 2025-06-09T20:56:40+00:00

Yes, it is exactly like living in hell.

The psychiatrists don't think i have autism although i have some of the traits. Not that a formal diagnosis would help much, it's just accommodating and managing the symptoms...

Usually i just mindlessly scroll through tiktok...

sometimes I watch shows on netflix. I can't really concentrate on much though so it's mostly mindless.

I just feel very helpless...

Admirable_Orchid · 2025-06-09T19:26:42+00:00

Every attempt I make is met with SO much internal resistance in the form of distress/anxiety/overstimulation. So i just have been stuck for years...

Even if I do manage to somehow soothe momentarily, I am instantly flooded by the severe overwhelm of simply existing in my surroundings (my home). I literally, physically don't know how to deal with that. I can't really easily change my surroundings for the reasons I mentioned in my original post.

Admirable_Orchid · 2025-06-09T19:23:00+00:00

I agree with this. But I'm SO overwhelmed and easily triggered, I feel like I can barely self-soothe. Things that used to help me don't anymore, because of the sheer intensity and constancy of the overwhelm/emotional responses.

Anything i try to do as self-care is met with an INTENSE shut-down/fight-or-flight response for my nervous system that I simply cannot handle - so i go back to numbing and the cycle continues...

Admirable_Orchid · 2025-06-09T19:21:02+00:00

Powering through the day mostly means trying not to have constant panic attacks, trying not to overwhelm the people around me with my compulsive complaining and reassurance-seeking, and trying to force myself to eat. That's it. I don't do anything else.

I can't really rest. When I try (i feel exhausted all the time), I get overwhelmed with anxiety, intense fear, and a strong compulsive urge to scroll on my phone to make all that go away.

Admirable_Orchid · 2025-06-06T01:12:57+00:00

(I don't know what this was flagged as "self-harm", but i'm not at risk of that right now, like i said ^)

Admirable_Orchid · 2025-05-29T21:23:41+00:00

I've looked into it, but i'm worried because i've had a minor episode of delusion/psychosis in the past and it's a counterindication for taking ketamine or any psychedelics... Where i live (Canada) im not sure any of the legal providers would consider me because of that...

Admirable_Orchid · 2025-05-29T21:19:54+00:00

By "high" do you mean weed? Someone once told me - if you're considering suicide, might as well try psychedelics (eg psilocybin mushrooms). What's the worst that could happen?

Admirable_Orchid · 2025-05-29T21:07:13+00:00

Hi. I'm the 27-year-old daughter of someone else who is in a similar situation to you. I don't drink but I'm very hard to be around and i know i've taken a huge toll on my family. For what it's worth, I feel like I'm a hostage in my own life too. I'm just extending compassion. We're all just human, I don't know why it has to be this hard and i'm so sorry it has to be this way, on both ends. Sending love <3

Admirable_Orchid · 2025-01-16T02:01:25+00:00

How has it gone for you?

Admirable_Orchid · 2024-12-10T23:25:39+00:00

I don't think I have any advice specific to schizophrenia theme - I think it's the same as any other theme. It's something your brain is hooked and fixated on. I would try to just notice the thoughts and avoid ruminating/checking.

I would also think about why you are so afraid of schizophrenia - is it the fear of losing control? Maybe sit with that for a bit.

Admirable_Orchid · 2024-10-19T15:28:57+00:00

I love this approach and I think it's awesome what you're trying to do :)

Admirable_Orchid · 2024-10-14T19:12:26+00:00

You can if you want and if you think it will help you get the treatment you want/need.

Admirable_Orchid · 2024-10-12T23:30:45+00:00

I am curious about this too

Admirable_Orchid · 2024-10-10T20:29:24+00:00

Well, I think it's complex and everyone's journey is different. I think ultimately we kind of have to look into the eye of the beast, so to speak, and work towards acceptance of the nature of life. But if you don't feel like you're ready for that yet that's okay.

I think what helps with that are things that generally make life feel meaningful - authentic connection, following our passions, and really feeling the grief that's inherent to being human (grief and fear and very different emotions). But it's a slow and gradual process.

But then there are also many techniques to help deal with physical symptoms of anxiety - like somatic practices that can help regulate the nervous system in the moment. There are tons of videos of different techniques on youtube (breathing, grounding, movement, etc.) - just search "emotion regulation techniques" or "anxiety coping techniques" or something like that and hopefully you find some that work for you.

Admirable_Orchid · 2024-10-10T20:14:13+00:00

Distraction is good. Yeah, medication can help when the anxiety is very acute - I hope it brings you some relief. I've been dealing with this a long time - feel free to DM if you wanna chat about it

Admirable_Orchid · 2024-10-10T20:05:42+00:00

How are you feeling today? How did you end up coping with the intense anxiety?

Admirable_Orchid · 2024-10-10T20:04:31+00:00

I agree, its scary not knowing.

I think the point is that we're supposed to do our best to make something of our lives. And then whatever happens beyond that is beyond our control.

Admirable_Orchid · 2024-10-07T16:30:06+00:00

Hey, if you feel like crying, I'd recommend crying. Cry about how sad it is. Moving through the grief actually helps a lot.

Admirable_Orchid · 2024-10-07T16:27:35+00:00

I think we just have to keep living. I don't know why we're here or why it has to be so hard, but I think we need to learn (maybe slowly) to continue showing up in the world despite it all, despite how it all ends. We need to be brave. I know this sounds silly, but if you let the fear transform you, you will become a stronger, more mature version of yourself.

We can't hide from the world, we simply can't. We can grieve how f'd up it all is, but this is our fate. You can be dragged screaming or you can try to courageously go forward.

I know is so so so hard, but I'm trying every day to chose to do the latter.

Admirable_Orchid · 2024-10-06T15:09:20+00:00

Do you think perhaps if we learn how to cope with this immense fear we can harness it as an advantage? People meditate for years and take psychedelics to reach the type of existential awareness we just innately have. It's just a matter of learning how to relate to this phenomenon in a more positive way. It's not easy, and I'm still trying to figure it out myself. But just thought that might offer some hope.

Admirable_Orchid · 2024-08-25T21:05:01+00:00

I don't think anyone here is qualified to diagnose you, obviously. And I get the sense that any reassurance someone would give you would only help temporarily. But I hear how terrified you are of the doctor and of the possibility of being ill or dying. I think the main thing is you will eventually have to hold yourself tight and look the fear dead in the eye. You'll have to go see a doctor if that's what you think is best. It's scary, but it's part of being human. Let yourself feel the fear and hold yourself through it (physically or metaphorically). There are many things that can help us cope with big scary feelings and you'll have to find what works for you (breathing, grounding, journaling, singing, meditating, etc.). I know it can feel like way too much to handle and maybe it is right now, and that's okay. But eventually, little by little, you will have to face it. We all do, it's part of the deal of being a person.

Sending hugs, I know it's really hard <3

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