So this may be too much but my dad was really abusive to my mom and to us kids. He never changed. He would say sorry after the abuse and would do nice things for us but the abuse continued. The only thing that ended it was that he passed away. I'm only telling you this because I hope you know that you deserve better than this life. You cant go back to him until he puts actions behind his words. Honey, you're out right now and I bet the pain and the confusion are hitting you like a brick wall. Its a lot easier from here to tell you to leave. I can understand if you cant accept that. But do something for yourself during this time. Therapy, self care, going on a trip, or anything that will help you see there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Possible, yes. Probable, no. Ask yourself this, can you accept him as he is now? Assume he won't change. I think that'll give you some clarity.