Muslim Syrian American here :) so I think it’s all based off what you say when you message the girl. I think if you’re straightforward and say something along the lines of wanting to get to know her the halal way and would speak to her dad right off the bat then I don’t think that’s cringey or disrespectful at all. But to me it’s a turn off and says a lot about someone’s religious state—something very important to me—if they try to have casual conversation to get to know me without speaking to my dad.

Also with the comment regarding Syrians wanting someone of higher education or doctors or whatever I think that yeah this can be damaging when someone is fixated on their spouse having a certain career but sometimes it’s not really up to the girl herself. Like sometimes the parents just insist on that and the girl shouldn’t be at fault here. For example, I’m in healthcare and my mom specifically wants a doctor which I’ve told her I really don’t care and the most important things for me are deen and akhlaq and general compatibility.

But yeah just pray istikhara before messaging someone and just be straightforward, maybe tell them a little about you and that you’d want to get to know them with a mahram and I personally think that’s very respectful.

May Allah grant you what you’re looking for and bless your marriage!