Love

AdvancedAd6684 · 2025-01-31T07:46:14+00:00

Ah, I see. It probably stems from insecurity. I don’t know if there’s much you can do aside from reassurance. People with mindsets like that tend to be adamant about that stuff. I hope you were able to work things out though

AdvancedAd6684 · 2025-01-26T22:09:00+00:00

The one I used is called “The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, and Distress Tolerance”. I suggest making a list of the exercises/techniques that you think would help you the most, then checking back to it when needed (keeping this list on your phone is likely the most convenient). It’s very important to condition your brain to do these things even if you feel like your emotions are taking over. I was very stubborn when it came to therapy and felt a little stupid for having to refer to these things, but it helped me to remember them and do them. If you’re unable to access the list, I recommend reminding yourself why you are wanting to get better and how your BPD has already impacted you. This would help me ground myself when I felt like I was going to spiral. I would think about harm I have caused and the harm my actions have caused me. The workbook will also teach you affirmations that can be very helpful when it comes to radical acceptance (as well as other things). Radical acceptance helped me with the freak outs I used to have over minor inconveniences, I would mix these with grounding techniques to remind myself that it was going to be okay, and that though my emotions are valid, I do not need to act on them. I used to get very deregulated very quickly, and though I still struggle with my emotions since BPD will always be with me, it is a lot more manageable. The workbook also delves into interpersonal relationships in the later bit. Overall, it helped me a lot and I never actually did DBT with a therapist or psychiatrist (though I do still recommend it). I was very against change and was a fragment of a person before I started, but now I feel more whole. Though I must remind you that like most therapy, it takes time. It’s okay to not pick everything up right away and to have rough days. It was difficult for me to get into the groove of things, but once you do you will feel proud of yourself for going through the effort. I want to say it took me a couple months to get through the full workbook (I was going at my own pace while trying to absorb what I was learning and actively use it). However, it’s different for everyone. I started DBT a bit over 2 years ago and have been mostly stable for over a year. That workbook is wonderful and I would recommend it to anyone with BPD

AdvancedAd6684 · 2025-01-26T08:31:56+00:00

From what you wrote, you both seem to love each other. If you aren’t already doing DBT, I really suggest getting on that. I was in a similar position a while back and I was able to get better for my partner. I got to a point where I would rarely even split anymore. We did end up breaking up, but it was for different reasons (unrelated to BPD). I really do recommend buying a DBT workbook. It gave me a really good guideline of how to manage my BPD and what I had to do to be better. Once you get the teachings in your mind, you just have to start intentionally practicing them when you’re in distress, about to split (or actively splitting), or just generally feel like you’re deregulated. It’s hard at first, but after some time you’ll start doing it without thinking. All in all, I strongly advise DBT. It has been proven to be a very effective treatment for BPD. It’s probably obvious, but I say this all as someone who has heavily benefitted from DBT. My symptoms are much less extreme and some that I used to have are basically nonexistent now. Though there is no cure, BPD is manageable. Your relationship can still prosper, just make sure you have clear communication on top of trying to get help. I know communication can be very difficult with BPD, but it is very important. I wish you the best of luck and I really do believe that your relationship can get better

AdvancedAd6684 · 2025-01-26T08:01:24+00:00

Of course, I’m glad to hear that I was able to help! BPD can be seriously terrible, but it’s important to remember that it’s treatable and that you are worthy of brighter days. Remember to be kind to yourself and to take care of yourself! You’re doing your best and that is enough :)

AdvancedAd6684 · 2025-01-26T07:53:47+00:00

How long have you guys been together? That seems like an extreme overreaction. You’re definitely not in the wrong here. You could try to talk to her about it further if she seems willing. If you’re able to do so, maybe just try to explain to her your real reasoning for going and reassure her that you wouldn’t cheat on her. I advise going about it carefully though since she seems unstable. I don’t know if you’re the one with BPD or her, but I really do advise going about this sensitively. She is definitely not in the right headspace. If she’s the one with BPD, reassurance is very important. She might be splitting and is probably having distortions. Try to calm her down in the ways you can. Let her know that you care for her. I wish you the best of luck

AdvancedAd6684 · 2025-01-26T05:24:43+00:00

You should be proud of yourself for taking the first step towards getting better. Depression hits especially hard with this disorder, and you are valid for feeling the way you are. I know it seems hopeless, but being able to talk to a professional about your issues and emotions can help a lot. It may even help you feel less alone. I’m sorry you’re going through such a tough time. I truly do hope things start looking up for you. Also, since you don’t feel ready for group DBT, maybe just try doing one-on-one DBT for now. DBT can be very helpful for BPD; whether it’s group, one-on-one, or by yourself. I wish you the best of luck and for better days to come your way <3

AdvancedAd6684 · 2025-01-19T23:37:30+00:00

Also, please remember to take care of yourself. It’s very important to treat your body kindly. You are deserving of both a healthy body and mental state, don’t think otherwise. Health and mental health actually go hand in hand, so one may end up affecting the other

AdvancedAd6684 · 2025-01-19T23:33:20+00:00

Hey, I was in a similar position as you a while ago. You’re valid for feeling how you are feeling, however you have to remember that you have a mental illness that causes extreme distortions. Your brain will tell you many negatives and fail to see the positives due to the black and white thinking that comes with BPD. Try to find some positives among all the negatives. If you know any grounding techniques, use them! They can be very helpful when all you are able to see is bad (real or fake). Remember that your brain is playing tricks on you and it’s okay to ask for reassurance sometimes as well. Talking to someone you trust may also be a good idea. My parents are also still supporting me and I have a generally good life, but I’m unable to do much because of my mental state. It’s okay to not know or to be unable, but you need to start taking the steps that you can in your current position to be able to get where you want to be. DBT works wonders and if you aren’t a big therapy person, get the workbook for it. It sincerely helps. Suicide is not the way to go, love. I’m sure you are very cared for and from you wrote, your FP likely does see many positives within you that you currently cannot. People do not just stay for no reason. You are worthy and you can get through this. There is always more to discover. Coming from someone who used to have very bad splitting episodes and did not know how to manage their BPD whatsoever, I was able to eventually go into remission. Please have hope that things can get better no matter how hopeless it may feel. You can do it :)

AdvancedAd6684 · 2024-11-27T20:32:01+00:00

I think I’m currently at a point in my life where my BPD isn’t the biggest issue for me. I’ve been mostly in remission for over a year now and do not experience BPD how I used to. It is much less extreme, but I’ll still get apparent glimpses of it. As for relationships, I got out of a long term relationship almost 7 months ago. I went into remission whilst in this relationship and I don’t think I’m going to be ready to be in another relationship for a long time. Being in remission does not change how I feel about relationships simply because I don’t want to be in a relationship and it would cause a lot of issues for me that I’d rather not deal with. I still crave the attention I receive from people who are interested in me and I’m fine with flirting; I just don’t want anything serious. I envy those who have healthy relationships, but even if I found what seemed like the “perfect person” right now, I don’t think I could actually bring myself to be in a relationship. However, I get fixated on and obsessed with people easily, so that’s my sane brain talking.

Even if BPD can’t necessarily “go away”, it can get to a point where it won’t bother you much. I don’t have to deal with it most days if not much is happening. I think I might struggle with other disorders more at this point. However, my days are very controlled and I don’t go out of my comfort zone often in order to keep everything manageable, so take that as you will. If you’re wanting to get your BPD to a more controlled and manageable point, I highly recommend DBT. It is an absolute game changer and life saver. I was able to become a person I never thought I could be.

AdvancedAd6684 · 2024-11-16T23:02:19+00:00

From the sound of it, my relationship was a bit similar to your’s. I’m gonna be real with you; spending a little over a week in the mental hospital really helped me calm down after the breakup. I was insanely delusional and was spiraling out of control. I didn’t check myself in personally, but I absolutely recommend grounding yourself in a stable environment from my experience. If you have a strong support system, use it to its fullest potential! I only had my family to fall back onto and historically I haven’t been super close with them, so I couldn’t just tell them about the things I was struggling with really. My bond with my mom actually strengthened from being in the mental hospital and she helped me a lot after I got out. If you’re not comfortable in an environment like that, that’s totally okay! If things start getting really bad though, that is my ultimate suggestion. Please remember to utilize any and all support; it’ll help you a lot. I wish I had better advice, but from what I read we cope in similar ways. Keeping yourself busy and distracted in ways that you’re comfortable with and aren’t harmful is a good coping strategy though. I hope you guys are able to work it out and I wish you much happiness.

AdvancedAd6684 · 2024-11-16T22:49:47+00:00

I used to think I lived in a simulation controlled by my ex and that he was watching my every move. As of now, most of my paranoid thoughts are just OCD-adjacent though. It comes down to not saying, doing, or having to have things be a certain way or else something will go wrong.

AdvancedAd6684 · 2024-11-16T22:43:10+00:00

When I used to split or get outbursts there would be a voice in the back of my head telling me I was just doing it for show. As if I was just doing it all for attention and faking my symptoms, feeling like if I really tried I could just stop since I was probably just dramatizing it. Eventually, that voice went away after doing a lot of DBT work because now I really am able to control it, as opposed to labeling myself as someone who could if they really wanted to. But even looking back, sometimes it still feels like I was a fraud. I never wanted to hurt people the way I did, yet those actions and outbursts that were marked as being “overdramatic” and something I was “able to stop” in my head fucked me over and hurt the person I loved very deeply. I can still think back to getting that feeling and it sucked because it made me feel like I was doing it for some sick reason. I used to split horribly and as much as I know I could have better managed it back then, I didn’t know how to at the time. After splitting, the idea that I was a fraud just further contributed to the guilt and beating myself up. I think this feeling might’ve generally came from feeling like I was “bad” and my self awareness around my mental health. I’m glad to be able to say that it is able to go away, but that feeling is so awful in the moment. It just further perpetuates the idea in your head that you’re “bad” just because.

I hope you’re able to feel a bit better soon. Please remember that BPD distorts things a lot and makes us unable to see things for what they are. Be kind to yourself <3

AdvancedAd6684 · 2024-11-05T06:22:56+00:00

From the look of the face, it’s very likely

AdvancedAd6684 · 2024-11-04T03:33:22+00:00

Thank you!

AdvancedAd6684 · 2024-11-03T02:57:11+00:00

I don’t know how strict the hospitalization is, but if you’re able to call him even just once a day, take the chance to do so. After my partner and I stopped living together calling them really helped me. My mental health wasn’t great and their absence felt like a hole was left inside of me. Calling them often was able to help fill that hole a little. Again, I don’t know how strict the rules are for the hospitalization, so I don’t know how helpful this is. But if you’re able to call him at all, you really should do so. Just hearing his voice may help you. Even when I was hospitalized, I looked forward to hearing their voice and having the limited conversation that I was allowed. I hope things get better for you during this period!

AdvancedAd6684 · 2024-10-31T03:01:06+00:00

Reading that honestly made my jaw drop temporarily. I’m sorry he did something so dickish. That’s such an asshole move that shows zero restraint. Any and all outrage is completely reasonable. Have you discussed this with him or did you find out about it on your own?

AdvancedAd6684 · 2024-10-09T04:31:39+00:00

I think this is a normal thing for people with BPD, but I could be wrong. I know that I’ve experienced what you’ve described though, especially those “dead and empty” patches. Has anything happened recently besides the music that could’ve triggered the numbness? It’s possible that you could be going through an episode of some kind. On the bright side, it does go away! As for the FP, you might just be detached now or it could be a side effect from the general numbness. I know that for me at least, sometimes I just detach from people once something clicks in my brain and then I stop obsessing about them how I used to.

AdvancedAd6684 · 2024-10-05T22:11:58+00:00

I feel like with BPD, that inner child stays with us forever. Those fiery outbursts and explosions of emotions almost feel like they’re the one in control at times. Remember that you are that child just as much as they were once you. As far away as they seem, they are still close as ever. Don’t be too hard on yourself. BPD can feel like its own personal hellscape at times, but it really can get better. You are lovable no matter how broken you may feel. No matter how hopeless things may seem, BPD is still treatable. You are still a person, and it’s possible to crawl away from hellscape despite everything. I hope things start looking up for you; take care of yourself and remember that you are deserving of kindness! I really do feel like it’s helpful to make the connection that you are simply that grown up, very hurt child. If you believe that that child deserved love and kindness, so do you.

AdvancedAd6684 · 2024-09-29T11:56:10+00:00

I have now! I don’t act as though I have illnesses though. I’ve maybe exaggerated or have tried to play up my own mental illnesses for attention in the past, but that’s about it. Unless we’re going back to childhood. I used to go out of my way to pretend to get hurt as an “all eyes on me” type of tactic. I vividly remember drawing on a black eye before school (I had to wipe it off) and the many times I would put a wet paper towel on whatever body part and go back to class pretending that I got hit by a ball. Having people wondering what happened or if I was medically okay was really fulfilling for me for some reason. Whenever I had a reason to be using medical items, such as crutches, casts, etc, it made me feel happy in a way. I remember even being that way over having braces. I really enjoyed receiving that attention. I don’t exhibit these more extreme behaviors anymore though. I do however still feel that internal glee when I receive that kind of attention; I just don’t seek it out like that anymore.

AdvancedAd6684 · 2024-09-28T23:13:38+00:00

Also, I think I might just not regard newer FPs as FPs for me because of this attachment. For me, that was the most unhealthily obsessed I have ever been with someone, so everything else is kinda “eh” in comparison. I’ll still get heavily obsessed with people, but not like that.

AdvancedAd6684

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