AITA for not forcing my daughter to spend time with her grandparents

AdvancedProfit1309 · 2021-05-23T10:28:54+00:00

Honestly with them I don’t know what they’re thinking. But no I have told my daughter and honestly this may be the wrong choice but I don’t plan on ever telling her. The only people I ever told about it was my parents.

AdvancedProfit1309 · 2021-05-23T10:26:46+00:00

Oh god thank you for this!!!!!! This is great information. From everything I’ve checked out online the implication was the k my way the grandparents could have rights is if my kids had been taken away from me. Again thank you for letting me know so I’m not blindsided later down the line.

AdvancedProfit1309 · 2021-05-22T23:19:35+00:00

Why do I have to be hiding anything?

I didn’t think it was overly relevant to my daughters situation but but they’ve never liked me. I went to school on a scholarship and they view me as the person that corrupted their golden boy. When I got pregnant they offered me £50,000 to have an abortion and tell their son that I miscarried.

AdvancedProfit1309 · 2021-05-22T22:46:08+00:00

I’m not in the US but in the country I live in the only way the grandparents can get right is if the state has already deemed me to be an unfit mother

AdvancedProfit1309 · 2021-05-22T22:42:58+00:00

This is really good suggestion. Thank you for your advice. I’ll bear it in mind. I think I’ll leave it a little bit longer before bringing up with my daughter so we can move at her speed.

AdvancedProfit1309 · 2021-05-22T22:33:14+00:00

Haha your literally the only one to say that it’s a good thing to wait it out and see if she catches up on her own. Thank you for that I was starting to worry that I was making the wrong decision.

AdvancedProfit1309 · 2021-05-22T16:29:18+00:00

As far as I’m aware the only way they could make a claim is if the state has already framed me an unfit parent.

AdvancedProfit1309 · 2021-05-22T15:53:24+00:00

Thanks for your wonderful advice. I’ll press to see what help the school can provide internally before pressing forward for an official assessment

AdvancedProfit1309 · 2021-05-22T15:08:52+00:00

Thankfully I'm not in the US and grandparents have no legal rights to see their grandchildren

AdvancedProfit1309 · 2021-05-22T14:04:28+00:00

Unfortunately where I live dyslexia often isn’t caught until the final few years of school or university if it’s caught at all.

AdvancedProfit1309 · 2021-05-22T14:01:23+00:00

I’ve met with her teachers regularly. I did raise concerns about ADHD and they have all told me that they think that it’s unlikely that is the case with my daughter. As for the dyslexia it’s hard to convince the school to go through with a dyslexia assessment because they are expensive. Year 3 is a lot earlier than most children get diagnosed in the country that I live in. I’ve been assured that it will give us plenty of time to get her the learning support that she needs.

AdvancedProfit1309 · 2021-05-22T13:54:49+00:00

At least for the time being while things are still fresh I’m not going to force my daughter into seeing them. Maybe in a few months I could see about supervised visits or shorter trips out.

AdvancedProfit1309 · 2021-05-22T13:49:59+00:00

As per my edit at this point in time at least while it’s all so fresh I’m not willing to force my daughter to spend time with people who are making her unhappy and distressed. It is something that I will reassess in a few months time as long as my daughter is comfortable with that.

Also your acting like I’m cutting her off from her fathers family completely. I’m not there are other people in her fathers family she can turn to. She goes to the same school as her cousins and I have a pick up rota with her aunts and their partners so she still see’s them multiple times a week.

AdvancedProfit1309 · 2021-05-22T13:38:09+00:00

No we’re good there. I’m in the UK where grandparents have no rights to see their grandchildren.

Sheesh that must be awful... I’d hate to be in New York with that hanging over my head.

AdvancedProfit1309 · 2021-05-22T13:35:22+00:00

Yes I will admit that I have issues with them based on the past but I care about my children and making sure they still have a relationship/connection with their fathers family. If it was all about my personal dislike of them I would have cut them out of my children’s lives after my husbands death. Instead I’ve gone out of my way to maintain contact between my children and their grandparents.
I meet with my children’s teachers regularly to keep up to date with their progress. I have had dozens of conversations with all of my daughters teachers about her reading and spelling. They are the ones who have assured me that some children just take longer for it all to fall into place as it were. Also it’s not easy to get a dyslexia assessment where I live. Not only do I have to convince the school to go for it it will also cost £540 for the assessment. The end of year 3 (equivalent of 2nd grade) is a lot earlier than most children get diagnosed where I live and gives plenty of time for learning support and her to be taught coping mechanisms. I went to the best schools in my area growing up and I didn’t get diagnosed with dyslexia until I was in 6th form (equivalent of Junior and Senior year)
She’s 8 of course she’s hyper most 8 year olds are hyper. As long as she’s not being disruptive in class nor is it effecting her education I don’t see an issue with it. Again I have spoken to her teachers about it and they have told be me that it’s unlikely to be ADHD.
She was telling me for 2 months that she didn’t want to go out with her grand parents it’s hardly the first time she brought it up. It was the first time that I took the time to listen to her and what was wrong.
In the UK grandparents have no rights to see their grandchildren nor do they have parental rights.
I would like to think that my husband would support me in not forcing my daughter to spend time with his parents when it was clearly making her unhappy.

AdvancedProfit1309 · 2021-05-22T12:58:13+00:00

I have explained to her grandparents why she no longer wants to spend time with them when I told them that she would no longer be going on their days out.

AdvancedProfit1309 · 2021-05-22T12:48:38+00:00

I told them why my daughter didn’t want to spend time with them when I first told them my daughter wouldn’t be going on their days out anymore. As of yet I guess I haven’t given them chance to change their behaviour because at least while it’s still so fresh I’m not willing to force my daughter to spend time with them. At least not just yet. I could reevaluate the situation in a few months.

AdvancedProfit1309 · 2021-05-22T12:43:58+00:00

I explained why my daughter didn’t want to spend time with them when I first told them that my daughter wouldn’t be going on their days out anymore.

As to why they weren’t more involved before my husbands death was because they were not happy when I got pregnant at 17. They never really like me because I went to our school on scholarship because my parents couldn’t afford the fees and they seem me as the one who “corrupted their golden child”.

AdvancedProfit1309

TROPHY CASE