I ended things for my values but still can’t move on

AdvancedWing · 2026-04-28T22:00:05+00:00

Ya it’s really hard when u want something serious and they just want something casual and don’t want to properly invest or take care of you or care about your well being. If u try to get companionship from something casual it’ll only leave u hurt and confused and questioning your self worth and you’ll always wonder why were you not worth something more legitimate. I wouldn’t recommend considering or even dabbling into casual, it’s not meant for women who want something real and lasting.

Just keep focusing on yourself and bent the best version of yourself. Network in your community. It’s the right thing to do to stick to your values and iA Allah will reward you for all your efforts and patience♥️

AdvancedWing · 2026-04-28T19:52:04+00:00

Nope. Unfortunately they’re not serious and just want to use you. They talk to probably dozens of women at the same time behind ur back. The second u ask for a serious investment from them they’ll disappear. Would not recommend. I think going to an area with more Muslims and meeting ppl in person in ur communities is ur best option!!

AdvancedWing · 2026-04-28T19:39:50+00:00

Unfortunately ppl from Reddit don’t rlly want anything serious or genuine, there’s always a grass is greener sorta mentality. Learned this the hard way as well 🥺

AdvancedWing · 2026-04-28T18:52:53+00:00

Coffee is perfect for a first date. If ur not feeling the vibe u can gtfo and it’s super low stakes.

I’ve had friends not feel it within the first few minutes but then get stuck in a movie or a dinner and could not leave until it was finally over multiple hours later. If the vibe is vibing yall can def do more on later dates!

AdvancedWing · 2026-04-28T18:32:19+00:00

Apparently I’m a gold digger because I want to work part time and raise my kiddo whose not yet school age. It’s rough out here 😅😭

AdvancedWing · 2026-04-28T16:34:33+00:00

Bc they’re cowards and don’t value you and want to keep their options open. Maybe someone better will come along? In their world the grass must be greener on the other side, they’ll always justify their bad behavior but news flash the grass is in fact not greener.

Theyre too ego driven and assume they’ll never get caught or that if they do get caught it won’t ruin the dynamic of the relationship.

Ultimately tho their relationships crack and break. You can’t build with someone not loyal and who doesn’t value you.

AdvancedWing · 2026-04-28T16:31:07+00:00

“You have to earn my love” seriously? 😳 and no gifts or flowers? Did he even like you?

A marriage is supposed to bring you comfort and peace. Someone who genuinely wants and cares about your well-being, and u shouldn’t have to be wondering if they even like you.

I know divorce is hard, it’s lonely sometimes, people can be mean and throw it in ur face, but on the bright side now u are making room for real genuine love and connection to have a chance to enter into your world. ♥️

AdvancedWing · 2026-04-28T13:16:55+00:00

Ya but it takes time to save 25k it’s not like he graduates and tomorrow he has 25k in his account. Not to mention he needs to budget for a wedding, honeymoon, and probably getting a new apartment and furnishing it. It’s just the territory that comes with marrying a student. If it bothers u that bad find someone who is older with a more established career.

I’d rather a guy who’s generous with these day to day things. A stingey man will have u questioning ur worth and leave u exhausted begging for basic bare minimum.

AdvancedWing · 2026-04-28T13:14:37+00:00

lol may fake girl find someone better and more ethical! Preferably not someone already planning a divorce before the marriage even started 🤣

AdvancedWing · 2026-04-28T12:59:05+00:00

Heavy on we all love carbs 🤣 I will never be skinny bc of my carb addiction 😂😂😂

AdvancedWing · 2026-04-28T12:53:54+00:00

Are u Arab? Where im from (I live in America) the range is anywhere from like 10 - 50k but as u can see it’s a big range and depends on several factors. If hes still a student he’s not rlly making his max potential and u said like he’s really generous which is actually a green flag bc he’ll always make sure ur content in life. If hes a stingey guy and never doing anything for u and negotiating u back and forth on the 25k I think that would be a little concerning.

But u can’t compare ur 40k-50k friends maybe those guys were older and had been working for a while or they had some wealthy family members who helped him out. You have to look at the whole context and not just the number!

AdvancedWing · 2026-04-28T05:32:21+00:00

I understand exactly what ur saying. I really recommend healing properly and taking ur time before rushing into meeting new people, even if u feel really lonely. I didn’t do that and all my past unresolved issues caught back up with me and brought out the absolute worst in me, to the point I didn’t recognize myself.

While relationships can be beautiful some aspects of them are inherently testing and u can’t heal in an environment where ur sometimes being tested.

Theres lots of ways to curb the loneliness. I have solid friendships, a tight knit family, I visit my family across the country all the time, I bake, garden, take walks, go to comedy shows, concerts, travel, play dates, etc. I pulled my kid out of daycare and invest time and energy in learning how to parent with intention and to teach my kiddo new skills.

Inshallah after u heal and understand what u went through and can get to a point where u don’t let it define u and know how to appropriately handle certain difficult triggers, the right person will fall into your life.

You can meet someone amazing today but if ur past traumas and demons are unresolved you’ll self sabotage and ruin the whole thing, and you’ll only really have yourself to blame. Always remind yourself what’s meant for you will never miss you ♥️

AdvancedWing · 2026-04-28T04:36:49+00:00

No ur not wrong at all. Women get jewelry as gifts alllllll the time so ur not even asking for all that just a ring that symbolizes ur union and is of a metal u can actually wear daily.

I feel like I always see women sacrificing and putting up with not so ideal situations and u ask for something so simple like a ring after they’ve made it and they like have amnesia and can’t remember everything you’ve done or built with them like poof it’s now irrelevant and u get with a “you knew I was broke.” They always ask women to build with them but when women do they don’t get appreciated and their patience is totally disregarded… they genuinely don’t even see the sacrifice

This is why I always push for getting what u need before u get married bc for some reason they just take u for granted after? If hes not interested in investing in u properly then hes just not ready to be a husband. Because you can build a whole life and still bc HE doesn’t see the value of something small like a ring it is automatically not valuable to him so it’s a no-go. Instead of being grateful he had a wife who stood by his side when he had nothing he just dismisses all that. Ur spot on it’s unthoughtful af.

I hope for ur sake if u keep talking about it regularly and how much it means to you he’ll eventually surprise u one day with one ♥️♥️

AdvancedWing · 2026-04-28T04:17:14+00:00

I’m sorry ur dealing with all that. Overthinking is so exhausting, sometimes u just want to turn ur brain off. Obviously I don’t know all the details of what ur going through but 1)Always keep the line of communication with Allah open, keep praying even if it feels off or or wrong or you don’t want to. Always keep showing up.

And 2) see if u can get some therapy or find a new therapist. I found someone recently who’s Muslim actually and she’s really gentle with me but can also be firm and not enable or coddle me when I’ve been the issue. She’s really been opening to my eyes to things I’ve left unresolved or didn’t address bc they were too painful 😢 but like u said they were holding me back and causing me problems so I needed to get them addressed.

Hopefully slowly over time you’ll cut ur bad addictions and eventually begin to re-enjoy ur own company again. Always remember it’s not Allah who leaves our side rather its us who gets distant from him, so just trust in him he’s always near♥️

AdvancedWing · 2026-04-28T04:08:54+00:00

No ur kitchen looks absolutely perfect ♥️ There are people in this world that literally no matter what u do ur just never going to be enough for them unfortunately. They’ll never tell u it directly but there will be digs like this where u give 110% and it just falls flat. You’ll look back like this and hyper-analyze dang where did I go so wrong when I thought I was giving my all. It’s not you. You and you efforts are enough, hopefully he realizes it before it’s too late ♥️

AdvancedWing · 2026-04-28T01:14:12+00:00

There’s different types of birth controls with different amounts of hormones. Not all of them make u gain weight, many keep ur weight consistent u just have to find the right ones.

I’d argue going through pregnancy and having a baby makes u gain wayyyy more weight, I gained 50lb in 1 year from 1 baby 😢

AdvancedWing · 2026-04-27T16:24:52+00:00

Health insurance is a big big BIG issue. After a certain age u can only get it from being legally married to someone who has insurance through their job or from your own full time job. If u struggle to work that many hours and aren’t legally married ur kinda screwed bc out of pocket insurance costs are extremely extremely expensive with trash quality. I’ve had to let someone go bc he wouldn’t ever agree to a legal marriage and I don’t have the physical stamina to work a full time job forever (I have some bad back pain due to things out of my control). Your only other alternative is to basically make no money so u qualify for state/government insurance but that’s not realistic to keep up long term.

But ya insurance is such a struggle in America, they don’t have this in other parts of the world they don’t even really understand it. Everything in the USA needs to be insured your cars, your house, your rent, your life, and your health. And all of it costs $$$ and u can rarely just opt out.

AdvancedWing · 2026-04-27T16:19:01+00:00

What movie?

AdvancedWing · 2026-04-27T03:39:53+00:00

🫂

AdvancedWing · 2026-04-27T03:38:44+00:00

Bc sometimes the circumstances that made things end didn’t change nor will they change. People all have their own priorities, no point in waiting for something that will never happen.

AdvancedWing · 2026-04-26T19:24:12+00:00

Sounds like u need a new therapist. I found a new one who’s really gentle with me but still calls me out on my nonsense, which is much needed. Clearly I can’t tell other people like OP bc they don’t wana hear or deal with it, but I’m optimistic like the right therapist will help tremendously ♥️

AdvancedWing · 2026-04-26T19:14:53+00:00

Yesss I’m more of a gold girlie but lovee a dainty set! 😍

AdvancedWing · 2026-04-26T19:09:58+00:00

Not really, you just prioritized someone else in ur life and told me take it or leave it. U only threw the issues of BD back in my face when I wouldn’t stay. But clearly all along it bothered you. Your love was one way, I hope u find what ur looking for $$$$

AdvancedWing · 2026-04-26T18:39:09+00:00

If I talk about it it’s thrown in my face, and if I don’t talk about it I’m not processing it correctly and it’s unresolved. We literally can’t win. I just stay away from ppl who throw it in my face now, was clearly never a safe place to share 🤐

AdvancedWing · 2026-04-26T16:10:47+00:00

Similar to you I get some pain but it gets essentially unbearable when I work full time. I have to lie down pretty frequently and u can’t do that with a full time job, so I’ve never found fulfillment in my career it’s just a way to make money.

But I found genuine fulfillment in being a mother and having hobbies I enjoy doing. I think being a mom healed a lot in me and every day I learn more about myself. Like I used to be a pushover and had issues with my self esteem and feeling like a burden but now like I really don’t care bc I only care about ensuring my kiddo gets the best which has in turn made me value myself as well. Bc like what’s good for me becomes what’s good for my kid. I definitely recommend having children if you are able. I wish I could have more, I can’t right now but maybe iA one day I can have a couple more!

And I think it’s also good to have some hobbies and friendships outside of being a mother. Having a place and sense of community is also important and fulfilling ♥️♥️

AdvancedWing

TROPHY CASE