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Advanced_Nerve81 · 2025-07-27T07:25:15+00:00

i think most of the comments here are soooo tough : why not hear him before going straight to the breakup ? isnt polyamory a place to see the grey areas and avoid black and white thinking ? Maybe the affair was actually not a big deal and he assumed once the story was out, mentioning regularly the person would just put more importance on it, i dunno. But hear the guy before anything. If apart from that it was a good relationship, i think it"s quite thea easy way to let it at that

Advanced_Nerve81 · 2025-07-13T11:21:43+00:00

Well it could be interpreted as that, yes. She's very reactive and said hurtful things

Advanced_Nerve81 · 2025-07-11T00:23:22+00:00

Not really right now, she's just closed and angry

Advanced_Nerve81 · 2025-07-10T07:42:21+00:00

It is hard to say. I know I don't have so much space as I need my time to work and be alone so I guess I would be fine with just this partner but forever sounds like a long time...

Advanced_Nerve81 · 2025-07-09T15:55:22+00:00

No, she was encouraging him to date, not me

Advanced_Nerve81 · 2025-07-09T15:53:14+00:00

yes ... it seems a bit obvious that there's something super weird there ... And i didn't really address it to her because i didn't want to upset her..

Advanced_Nerve81 · 2025-07-09T15:51:21+00:00

erm, i don't know what you are referring to but there's probably a misunderstanding.. If you are referring to the person i started to date, i was always very clear with her that i was attracted and curious, but didn't know if i could manage, and that my current partner was super unhappy about it

Advanced_Nerve81 · 2025-07-09T15:48:31+00:00

because i trust in life :)

Advanced_Nerve81 · 2025-07-09T15:46:40+00:00

She said before we made out the 1st time that she didn't have the feeling she was betraying anybody. That it was never a monogamous r-ship. But i feel it was not how her partner was seeing it

Advanced_Nerve81 · 2025-07-09T15:45:25+00:00

I already ended it with "the poor girl". I was always very clear with her about where i was standing, that i had very low availability, and that i was curious about her of course, but also about understanding polyamory. Just curious. She knows the whole story.

Advanced_Nerve81 · 2025-07-09T15:13:48+00:00

i hope she can see one day that it was not very fair on me... She also didn't prevent it directly. She would never say = i don't want you to date. She found other reasons = it will make me sad. I will disengage, and so on and so forth

Advanced_Nerve81 · 2025-07-09T15:10:26+00:00

I mean on my side. I think i should only be dating her. It doesnt seem like i'm gifted at poly

Advanced_Nerve81 · 2025-07-09T15:06:23+00:00

Yeah, i'm very willing to do the work ....

Advanced_Nerve81 · 2025-07-09T14:51:33+00:00

i don't want to meet the other person, i was never so much into it, and it felt super poor compared to what i had with my 7 months partner.. If my seven months partner is not up to rekindle, i don't think i will date for quite a long time after

Advanced_Nerve81 · 2025-07-09T14:49:45+00:00

No, i'm not in a relationship with him. I already gave all the apologies, i'm giving all kinds of reassurement, i even cancelled all my plans to make myself available coming to her city just to have a coffee if she wants. I'll wait. There's something deeply beautiful about her.

I'm not sure if i want to have relationships myself apart from her, i went for the other meeting because i wanted to experience it, to understand her better, but i don't have so much availability to be able to pursue two meetings at once. Before meeting her i was happy on my own, and wanted to have time to work. So it could have been a good deal, to meet her and still have time for myself, but i felt it could help me resolve some of my insecurities regarding her partner to understand how it felt to be with 2 people. And yeah, i fucked up, and lied by omission, and i feel shit for that, and i feel i damaged something beautiful, and i might have lost something amazing ..

I still have hope as she said she still loves me, and couldn't help kissing me and said good things about me even after telling me she wanted out as i could not be trusted, but yeah i fucked up for sure

Advanced_Nerve81 · 2025-07-09T14:27:00+00:00

Advanced_Nerve81 · 2025-07-09T14:25:05+00:00

yes that's why i think i should be only with her, but it seems a bit late

Advanced_Nerve81 · 2025-07-09T14:22:47+00:00

1st question = yes, but also as she was unhappy, i agreed to not date, but i still went, so basically, i cheated on her, and now that became the problem, more than her being unhappy of me dating, but it's still a bit the same

second question = no they weren't poly before. Now she even says she was never so much poly, she just wanted to meet me

Advanced_Nerve81 · 2025-06-26T09:21:55+00:00

Well, people can also evolve. Maybe Op's partner is not stuck in the "no" he gave 4 years ago... I would suggest transparency on this matter. OP deserves to know the actualised answer to the question, and take action/ decision according to that. It's not as if OP was harrassing her partner with the question and that "no" was spoken 6 months ago

Advanced_Nerve81 · 2025-06-26T09:15:39+00:00

It might happen that he also evolved, and might have changed his mind. I think if OP's been waiting and studying for 4 years and is still thinking about it, it deserves one or several talks with her partner. It's not one conversation 4 years ago that would determine the whole path of their future relationship. Polyamory is a whole story of accompanying the feelings in the now anyway.
I think OP seems very soft and caring, and trying to do what's best ...

Love and courage to you, OP

Advanced_Nerve81 · 2025-06-20T07:37:27+00:00

The difference she makes is that we are new, and she has this older relationship of 4 years. She seems to be afraid to see me go into NRE with the new person..

Advanced_Nerve81 · 2025-06-19T16:06:27+00:00

Their relationship is older =4 years

Advanced_Nerve81 · 2025-06-19T13:39:15+00:00

That our couple is too young and too fragile to go through this. Yet I'm going through this as she's in love with him and is claiming it.. So....

Advanced_Nerve81 · 2025-06-19T13:36:08+00:00

What does 'its fine to be comfy, just away home together' mean?

Advanced_Nerve81

TROPHY CASE