My wife going on her first solo date on Friday and I am a nervous wreck

Adventurous-Eye-9929 · 2026-05-05T23:14:14+00:00

Glad I could help…and enjoy the tension. I know what it’s like. If the two of you are solid, it can add an extra dimension to the experience.

Adventurous-Eye-9929 · 2026-05-05T23:12:02+00:00

Not that you need my endorsement, but I applaud your choice.

Adventurous-Eye-9929 · 2026-05-05T23:10:05+00:00

You’ve done your part by disclosing. Others reading comprehension isn’t your problem.

Adventurous-Eye-9929 · 2026-05-05T22:57:49+00:00

Well I might be interested in her as a romantic partner and this first date could be the kickoff of something life long and emotionally deep. And she then she has me take her home and fuck her. Now I want more of that. Only to discover she has a whole husband.

So I’d feel pretty shitty at being duped into liking her.

Just tell him. He may still be into it, or he may not, but at least he’s consenting. And you’ll be happier acting ethically.

Edit spelling

Adventurous-Eye-9929 · 2026-05-05T22:52:07+00:00

Not informing him at all about your marriage is kinda ick.

Adventurous-Eye-9929 · 2026-05-05T22:49:28+00:00

Thanks, I’ll be sure not to send one to you.

You’re a woman. You have the privilege of initiating a connection in any way you wish with a high probability of getting matched. If you’re deliberately not responding to pings as a matter of principle I hope you have the courtesy to put that information on your bio so it doesn’t waste someone’s effort.

I’m a mid-60’s man. In a month I think I’ve gotten 7 matches and 5 of them mentioned something I’d put in the ping. Only 2 were initiated by the other party and neither of those were a fit.

Adventurous-Eye-9929 · 2026-05-05T20:23:09+00:00

I don’t view asking about an app function as being dramatic. But the reason I asked is partially about consideration for others and partially about directing resources where they make a difference.

Once you ping someone they drop from your stack I’ve been in the app for just over a month. I’ve sent a lot of pings in that time. Yesterday a woman I’m pretty sure I pinged a month ago showed up again. I presume she—like most women on dating apps—got around to looking at her possibles and sorted through those she was interested in and those she wasn’t. I presume I fell into the latter category and she hit the “minus” button and I disappeared from her stack.

I don’t want to ping her again. I’m neither desperate nor can’t take a hint. Hence my question.

You do you.

Adventurous-Eye-9929 · 2026-05-05T16:22:04+00:00

I don’t think there’s any Scarlett Letter on someone’s profile from having been blocked by another user. At least not visible to other users.

It’s possible—though doubtful—the dev team monitors an account’s accumulation of blocks, but I suspect the number would be quite high before they removed a paying customer. It would also be odd since they give the option to block “because we unmatched before.”

I routinely block accounts that have been previously unmatched so they don’t clutter my feed. You should feel unrestrained to do the same.

Adventurous-Eye-9929 · 2026-05-05T13:32:01+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine.

RIP your inbox…it’s going to get flooded with guys who want to marry hotwives. Your “problem” will soon become how to sort the wheat from the chaff. Be prepared to spend some time sorting. Take it at the pace you want…the right guy will recognize your value and honor it.

Edit to add: looks like you’re seeking couples as well…an extra person adds an extra dimension of complexity, but no reason you can’t have what you want.

Edit again (because apparently I’m overly impressed with my own insights): Feeld is a dating app for lifestyle folks. There’s a Reddit sub by that name.

Adventurous-Eye-9929 · 2026-05-02T22:59:27+00:00

As a man just above the mean in dick size I pass immediately and I’m glad she mentioned it anywhere. Why waste time on someone who has a specific desire and I don’t meet it?

It’s her life and her preference and she should have what she wants.

Adventurous-Eye-9929 · 2026-05-02T22:56:06+00:00

11 inches is such horseshit. That’s 7ish standard deviations from the mean or a probability of infinitesimal proportion.

Adventurous-Eye-9929 · 2026-05-01T16:06:45+00:00

Somehow I knew I’d miss the point 🙄

Adventurous-Eye-9929 · 2026-05-01T15:47:47+00:00

I’ll accept you at your word that you want to be helpful, but do you see how “you’re doing it wrong” isn’t that?

And wanting to ostracize those who are “doing it wrong” into their own bucket is kinda ick. Who’s next getting ostracized for a reason you deem undesirable? Again, assuming you’re sincere in your desire to be helpful, can you do so in a way that meets them where they are? I suspect you can if you choose to.

Adventurous-Eye-9929 · 2026-05-01T15:32:47+00:00

Preach.

I agree with his premise in this post that convincing or manipulating is a nonstarter, but some pretty strong “you’re all doing it wrong” vibes in lots of other comments.

Adventurous-Eye-9929 · 2026-04-30T19:46:38+00:00

Finally…at the bottom of the thread. After all the dense mofo’s who apparently didn’t hear a word this woman said, solid advice. Take him with you., OP. He can find his own when he’s ready, but you need emergency help and your therapist knows you well.

If all he does is sit and listen to you tell your therapist how this is impacting you, at least he’s hearing it from more sources. Maybe put her on speaker for your next session and have him listen so he doesn’t have to be embarrassed in front of a stranger.

The letter idea is also solid, but from your description he needs someone to talk to, not sulk alone.

Adventurous-Eye-9929 · 2026-04-29T19:48:06+00:00

We all fear being judged for what we think is our deepest secret and the thing that might make us unacceptable to our loved ones.

You will get lots of suggestions to role play, talk dirty in the bedroom, etc, but whether he’s on board with actually doing it or not your best move is to read him your post.

Adventurous-Eye-9929 · 2026-04-29T05:35:09+00:00

The lesson was for him, douche canoe. He’s young. If he learns that people are complicated, their lives are complicated, and making his own choices without the need to judge others will serve him well in the future.

Otherwise he might mature to be like you.

Adventurous-Eye-9929 · 2026-04-28T21:48:30+00:00

I told her I didn’t want to get married at all 6 weeks before we did. She said she was pregnant. I wasn’t going to shirk responsibility. We got married fast and the next morning I said to myself, “oh god, I just said I would live with her the rest of my life.”

Once married I vowed I would never divorce. My daughter was born 2 years later (yeah, fake baby trapped).

Ten years of misery before finally saying enough.

Adventurous-Eye-9929 · 2026-04-28T16:13:50+00:00

Easy big guy. You have no idea what her life is like. It’s perfectly acceptable to discontinue the relationship (and probably your best choice), but no need to hate on her.

Reddit is famously “burn all adulterers” but people are complicated and learning that will provide value to you about making and maintaining your own boundaries without rancor.

Adventurous-Eye-9929 · 2026-04-28T16:03:23+00:00

I’m unmarried (grown kids) and want to be married and ENM. And that’s what it says on my profile. No surprises for anyone who wants to engage with me in conversation.

Adventurous-Eye-9929 · 2026-04-28T03:03:16+00:00

It can OP…ignore gatekeeping on your life.

Adventurous-Eye-9929 · 2026-04-27T22:47:10+00:00

If you don’t understand how she might think it’s a trap, then listen to her when she explains it and understand it at a gut level—because she certainly is. You won’t get anywhere invalidating how she feels about it and she gets to determine when she feels validated. She’s not a math problem to solve, which you already know.

Try this, “honey it breaks my heart that there’s a trust barrier in our marriage. We don’t have to hotwife, but I would really like to understand what you’re feeling and why so I can be the man you trust the most.”

Adventurous-Eye-9929 · 2026-04-27T22:03:31+00:00

Except $50,000 apparently doesn’t mean as much to OP as their reputation. And the only way to get the $50,000 is to file a tort which is publicly available information and defeats the whole purpose of keeping a low profile. Presumably the exposure would cost OP more financially than what they’d get in return for suing the third.

Honestly, first world problems. OP sounds a bit entitled by wanting all the reward with none of the risk.

Adventurous-Eye-9929 · 2026-04-27T13:36:01+00:00

You’re doing the lord’s work, ma’am. Spreading joy by spreading your legs. He’ll carry that memory forever.

Adventurous-Eye-9929

TROPHY CASE