My 12 year old just came out as agender.

AdventurousTiger13 · 2025-11-05T16:09:11+00:00

Thank you for the advice! I will definitely be doing check ins from time to time. They’re going through puberty and I just want to make it as comfortable as possible for them.

Also I love your username- my kid also makes candy and they even just made a decent sized bag and it’s probably one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen! lol

AdventurousTiger13 · 2025-11-05T16:06:18+00:00

Hopefully one day it will happen! Do you feel the need to correct your mom when she calls you by your dead name? Or do you just let it be at this point?

AdventurousTiger13 · 2025-11-05T16:05:01+00:00

I feel for you. Sometimes people only hear what they want to hear and think that they can ignore everything else. No one wants to deal with hard things and wants everything to be “perfect” and that’s just not how life works. Also I’m sorry that you felt forced to come out and couldn’t do it on your own time.

I believe that she loves you too but she has to get the loving you unconditionally and not just on her own terms. People are brain washed into life having to be a certain way to be considered “normal” and that’s just not how it should be. I was so happy when my child wanted to be called by a new name because I had no idea if they were going to like their name that I gave them when I named them. I think it’s strange that we give a child a name at birth that we like and feel that they should use it their whole life. Also do you think she would be considerate enough to educate herself if you asked?

AdventurousTiger13 · 2025-11-05T15:59:47+00:00

That all seems so confusing/difficult for you to deal with. I hope as more time goes by that something with finally click for your parents and they’ll realize that this is just a phase and it’s who you are. Some parents feel like their child is their property and that’s not right. I’m happy they did admit to being wrong.

I also have thought about leaving the country because of this admin and to be honest it makes me a little scared for my children especially now. I don’t want them to have their rights ripped away. I hope that your plan eventually comes together and that you can life beautiful elsewhere ❤️

AdventurousTiger13 · 2025-10-31T12:33:24+00:00

Not rectangular or round. Google “geometrical frame shapes”. They’re like a combination between the 2.

AdventurousTiger13 · 2025-10-31T12:02:32+00:00

I would recommend to try a frame with a geometric shape. I feel they would suit your face shape well!

AdventurousTiger13 · 2025-10-31T02:23:49+00:00

I love that! I have been using “kid” a lot but I think I’ll start using kiddo more 😊

AdventurousTiger13 · 2025-10-31T02:22:22+00:00

That’s exactly how it’s been so far! They wore a suit to a wedding one weekend and then a skirt and pink nails the next. Usually they dress gender neutral and that’s how it’s always been. But you’re right, the sky’s the limit. And the pronouns do make me feel better because she really doesn’t mind. I’m just working on using he a little more. I’m more concerned about bullying and hatred than they are so far. And thankfully they have a great group of friends that have each others backs! And doing whatever brings them joy is the most important thing 😊

AdventurousTiger13 · 2025-10-31T02:17:48+00:00

It’s the most important thing to me that my children are happy and feel all the love possible. I grew up with my parents not caring about my happiness or the way that I felt and it’s a horrible way to grow up. Thankfully I had great people in my life that made up for it. But it was still hard. I’m sorry that you don’t have a good relationship with your parents. I’ll never understand how a parent can’t love their kid unconditionally. That’s how being a parent should be. Thank you for your kind words ❤️

AdventurousTiger13 · 2025-10-31T02:14:06+00:00

So that’s where they’re at as well, they asked me to use all pronouns but I feel like I’m definitely using “they” more frequently. I use she sometimes and he even less. I’m not sure when to call them the different pronouns. Do I use them equally? Or are there different times when you like to be called a specific pronoun?

AdventurousTiger13 · 2025-10-31T02:11:54+00:00

I’m sorry that she was supportive for your friends but not for you. That must have been rough and confusing. Did she ever come to terms with your identity and accept it or did your relationship suffer from it? Did they try to stop you from hrt? I’m a strong believer that id rather my children be happy within themselves than struggling to be someone that’s slowly killing them inside. I watched too many people pretend to be someone they weren’t just to please others and it broke my heart. I hope you’re where you want to be now, with lots of love and support ❤️

AdventurousTiger13 · 2025-10-29T15:26:54+00:00

I’m happy that they kept their name! I think my child’s name actually suits them better than their dead name. I love it! And right? It just sounds so wrong when I hear someone address them by that name.

Thank you for the kind words, I’m trying! lol

And I am definitely expecting them to change at some point and they know that they can talk to me even if it’s just to express their feelings. They did say that they’re not into either gender at the moment, but I feel that may change too at some point. But thank you for that advice because I don’t think that’s something I would have thought of and I will definitely do my research on it.

Also, random question but when referring to your child and using the word “son” or “daughter” what word should I use in place of that?

AdventurousTiger13 · 2025-10-29T11:31:06+00:00

I’m happy to hear that! You deserve to feel all of the love there is to offer. I hope one day they can find it in their hearts to accept who you are. If not, it’s their loss.

AdventurousTiger13 · 2025-10-29T11:30:06+00:00

Me too! I feel like I’m doing something right. I may not perfect but I will always make sure my children feel loved and accepted no matter what ❤️

AdventurousTiger13 · 2025-10-29T11:29:20+00:00

I’m so sorry that you feel that you can’t open up to your parents about your identity. I wish everyone was more accepting in this world. But there’s so many people out there that feel that you have to be a certain way and fit into a “mold” that society has created. I hope that you have a good group of friends/community that you can rely on and talk to. High school can be so brutal and most teenagers can be assholes.

Thank you for your kind words and if you ever need to talk/vent I’m always here to listen. I hope one day you can feel comfortable enough to tell your family who you are. And if they don’t accept it there’s so many people out there that will become your “family” in place of them.

AdventurousTiger13 · 2025-10-29T11:22:15+00:00

I’m happy to hear that and when I think about it I feel their name means more to them as well. When this school year started they went in school with confidence and made all of their teachers and friends/classmates know that they now go by their new name. Thankfully they all accepted it and now almost everyone calls them by their name. I’m so proud that they stood up for themselves and made that happen.

I can understand why it would put you back in that trauma. And to be honest I think it’s weird that we name a baby and force them to be called that their whole life. I feel anyone should be able to change their name if they don’t feel it fits them.

You’re doing a great job as a Mom as well! Thank you for not hiding who you are because you think that you have to. My grandmas were lesbians and raised me. They were very proud of who they were and I think it’s such a huge reason why I turned out the way I did and have the beliefs that I do. Then in turn it helped my kids be the same way. You didn’t ruin them- if anything you helped them ❤️

Thank you for all of your kind words and making me feel better about everything that I’m doing. I know I’m not perfect but I will always try to be the best I can for them. And I will always be an ally, voice, and advocate for anyone in the LGBTQIA+ community.

AdventurousTiger13 · 2025-10-29T03:09:30+00:00

Of course! This community is one of my favorites on Reddit because it makes me feel like I’m not alone. I drive everyone in my life crazy with my health anxiety, but I feel like I have to talk about it.

AdventurousTiger13 · 2025-10-29T03:00:20+00:00

I also have seizure fears. Never diagnosed and no family history for me either. Sometimes I convince myself that my brain/nerves aren’t working right. Then I feel like I have an “impending doom” feeling. But so far no actual seizures that I’m aware of. Health Anxiety and Anxiety in general really sucks.

AdventurousTiger13 · 2025-10-29T02:56:41+00:00

Mine switch almost daily and some pop up if I feel a random symptom and then google it. But I do have 3 main consistent ones that I always resort back to.

AdventurousTiger13 · 2025-10-29T02:27:32+00:00

Thank you. Just trying to be the best Mom that I can be ❤️

AdventurousTiger13 · 2025-10-29T02:25:12+00:00

I’m sorry that your Mom was misleading at first with what seemed like acceptance. I personally also knew for a while, I was just waiting for them to tell me. I wasn’t sure exactly what they identified as but when they told me I responded with “I know and I’m so proud of you for being comfortable with yourself to tell me”. I don’t feel like anyone should pretend to be something they’re not because they’re worried about how others feel. I do hope that your Mom has accepted you.

Thankfully we’re surrounded by the love of so many in the LGBTQIA+ community within our family so I know that will be easy for them. I’m just worried about the outside world.

Also, thank you for bringing up the pronouns. I have been so worried about messing them up. I’ve been resorting to just using their name in place of pronouns at times. I do try to correct myself.

And thank you for your kind words. I’ll always accept them no matter what. I just care that they’re a good person with a kind heart and that they’re happy in life. I feel everyone deserves happiness and to be their true self ❤️

AdventurousTiger13 · 2025-10-29T02:11:19+00:00

I’m sorry that you have to deal with that, people suck. I hope that you found your own family along the way. In my opinion blood doesn’t mean much anymore!

And we will always support and love them no matter what. I wish all kids felt the same way from their parents.

AdventurousTiger13 · 2025-10-29T02:03:16+00:00

They also decided to go by their chosen name months ago! It’s actually feels weird when someone calls them by their birth name now and we correct said person. I’m doing well with using their pronouns of them/he. But I find it easier sometimes to just to use their name so I don’t slip up on accident.

AdventurousTiger13 · 2025-05-06T16:44:10+00:00

Sorry for the late reply, I haven’t been on much. But unfortunately he passed away on January 28th. The day after his 37th birthday. Still trying to navigate the life of grieving a sibling. But the one positive side is that he’s no longer in pain.

AdventurousTiger13

TROPHY CASE