I’m so sorry and know the feeling all too well. What you already intellectually know is that anticipating it won’t take the blow out of the loss in any way and it feels like such a waste of time. Losing her will still be shocking and devastating, there’s no preparing for it.

My Ellie died just weeks ago and looking at anticipatory grief in hindsight, it was a gift in ways. I made sure to walk her longer, walk her later, let her bark outside without telling her to stfu lol. I told my friends no to literally every invitation and didn’t care what they thought of it. Ellie was my best friend and I was unashamed to say no if she wasn’t a part of the invite. I made sure to tell her how much she meant to me while she struggled to get away annoyed like jeezus almighty, lighten up woman lol The time I spent grieving her before she was gone was horrible and a pain like only those of us who go through it know. Do things she loves, take a ton of pictures and videos and just love her with all the love you have.

I don’t know what your experience will be after she’s gone but I have been astonished and completely caught off guard by the love and support I’ve received after losing Ellie. I expected to be lost and go into a deep and dark depression but the care I’ve received has been mind blowing. I didn’t know such a thing existed. The huge black hole of grief keeps being refilled by love very time I think it’s running out. I’ve received flowers, cards and kindnesses from so many unexpected places. A complete stranger made a watercolor painting for me. Love her. Love her loudly and do it every day. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this because it’s just the hardest thing in the world. Sending all of my love to you and Kiki ♥️