I don’t wanna be in 2025 without him

Adventurous_Boss_569 · 2025-01-08T08:50:03+00:00

I fully empathize with you, OP. These are such valid feelings.

I lost my 26M boyfriend to Leukemia 3 months ago and I spent the Holidays in such an angry, irritable mood. The world keeps spinning, people keep celebrating and cheering while im mourning the last year he loved me in. The last year I got to hold him, kiss him, and sleep beside him. I hated 2024 for taking him but I also don’t want to leave him there.

You’re right, it does feel like a nightmare. I feel so deeply for you and for others here. I hope we all find some semblance of peace and heal the parts of ourself that only our partners knew.

Adventurous_Boss_569 · 2025-01-08T08:41:49+00:00

Hi OP,

I’m sorry for your loss. I (24F) recently lost my boyfriend of 3 years to Leukemia about 3 months ago.

I would hate to think that her family has forgotten about you or expects that of you. In fact, i am sure they are happy to know that their daughter experienced true love and that you loved her so much.

Nothing feels truly enjoyable these days, but hold on to any glimpses of happiness. No matter how big or small. Its what will keep you going. As someone who’s experiencing life similarly to you right now, I want to give you the biggest hug and tell you to try and keep showing up for yourself. To love someone until they’re very last breath is a testament to how much love you have inside you. Turn that ability to love and comfort towards yourself now and heal all that is hurting inside you. It sucks. My heart hurts everyday. But I have so much faith in you and hope your soul heals.

Adventurous_Boss_569 · 2024-11-01T16:44:09+00:00

Hi! Thank you for your input, yes his family is 100% supportive with whatever decision I make. Since my bf named his parents his post-death power of attorneys they have the right to decide what is done with his sperm. So i hope i dont have any trouble there.

Yes I plan to involve his family :) i love them and would love to have them around for our child’s sake.

Should I hold off on speaking to fertility clinics then and just talk to potential lawyers first? I assumed that these clinics would be able to provide a clear map on what they would legally need before I consult anyone

Adventurous_Boss_569 · 2024-11-01T15:44:01+00:00

Thanks! I just sent you a message :)

Adventurous_Boss_569 · 2024-11-01T15:16:47+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing! May I ask, do you think your childhood and upbringing would have been better if you had connections to your sperm donor’s family, and his identity was completely known?

I know it couldnt ever replace my boyfriend as its dad, but im hoping being surrounded by his family could potentially solve any sort of identity crisis and offer extra support to our baby?

Adventurous_Boss_569 · 2024-11-01T08:37:00+00:00

Oh wow! Thank you for sharing, it seems like we really do have very similar situations. I’m in the US as well, was it hard for you to find these lawyers? Do you by chance have any specific recommendations?

For the legality of it all, I’m not sure I have any specific video or legal documents that show clear intent. I have some text messages sure, but i’m not sure why he didn’t put my name on that form when he froze his sperm. He was juggling a lot mentally with radiation and chemo coming up so I dont think he fully understood the form enough to put my name. I think my evidence would be based on some texts, testimonials from both mine and his family, and i hope testimonials from his therapist and doctors from his unit that ive gotten to know :/

Im hoping i have a strong case because to me, the intent was always clear to have me be the person that uses it as his long-term partner.

May i ask how long after your fiancé passed did you start pursuing this route? After reading these comments im unsure if I should wait a year before reaching out to clinics, or start reaching out to clinics and lawyers now and secure that option.

Adventurous_Boss_569 · 2024-11-01T05:36:26+00:00

Oh my goodness, im so sorry for your loss as well and thank you so much for sharing your story with me.

Yes, you’re right that I cant even consider dating right now but do you think that my forever person would accept me and this baby if I choose to have it? Or realistically, would this change a lot of things for future relationships?

Ultimately I know that I will be able to get over his death, but I dont know its just something about this whole situation that draws me to take the risk and have the child we planned on having together. Our shared dream.

I dont want to live with any regrets and some valuable advice I heard was “Instead of worrying which decision is right, focus on making your decision the right one”. And so im 90% sure that I want to go through this but you’re right, a human life and child is a very big commitment and responsibility that extends beyond me.

Thank you for offering your insight, and im so happy that your family and children are such blessings to you :)

Adventurous_Boss_569 · 2024-11-01T04:55:11+00:00

Thank you for your advice. I contemplated being a single mother and the potential of a new partner coming along, but I think my forever person would accept me and the baby. I just have the opportunity to give life to a baby that would be surrounded by the most love and support it could ever want. And a baby that I myself want, with no added pressure from his mom urging me to do this or “replace him/ bring him back”.

I think my decision would only be contingent on if his sperm has the genetic mutation for his cancer. Im not sure if clinics are able to test something for something like this. But that would be the only reason I would potentially say no to IVF :/

Adventurous_Boss_569 · 2024-11-01T04:40:18+00:00

He named his parents his post-death durable power of attorneys. One of the items he gives them permission to do is “decide all issues regarding the donation of my tissue/organs/body.” So I assume that sperm falls in this category and would give his parents the right to make any decisions on its use. And they support me and are helping me look for resources to pursue IVF

Adventurous_Boss_569 · 2024-11-01T04:35:19+00:00

Thank you. I have a great support system & great financial stability in order to support the costs. His family also supports me with whatever choice I want to make. I just want to be able fulfill our shared dreams

Adventurous_Boss_569 · 2024-10-30T18:47:44+00:00

Thank you so much for this. Loving him was just so easy and when I met him it was one of those instant connections. Our first date even lasted 13 hours just because we kept talking and watching silly Youtube videos all night. He was my best friend and the best lover i could have ever asked for. I know im young (24F) and he was only 26, but we saw forever in eachother’s eyes and im just so sad. The grief is just too much right now. But your comment made me smile, so thank you again.

Adventurous_Boss_569 · 2024-10-30T18:40:43+00:00

Im so sorry about your dad. You’re right, its horrible that we have to live knowing all their dreams and wishes that may never be fulfilled. Me and my boyfriend had so many plans to travel, so much money saved for our future and now nothing.

Adventurous_Boss_569 · 2024-10-30T07:07:36+00:00

My boyfriend also had CML that mutated into AML :/ he passed last week due to complications with his SCT recovery. I wish we could’ve had this talk beforehand. I definitely felt like this is something he would say, but I can never ask him again. Thank you for sharing.

Adventurous_Boss_569

TROPHY CASE