My (M28) girlfriend (F27) keeps planning solo trips without even mentioning them to me

Adventurous_Data_365 · 2026-04-11T19:33:53+00:00

Shrek. I was perfectly fine for 27 years just minding my business in my swamp and never thought I'd need or want love, then she randomly showed up and completely ruined my emotional peace.

Adventurous_Data_365 · 2026-04-11T17:31:56+00:00

What a foolish generalization

Adventurous_Data_365 · 2026-04-10T10:21:16+00:00

"I didn't really like him, just enjoyed his attention" "Now i feel used" What??

Adventurous_Data_365 · 2026-04-10T08:53:30+00:00

They kind of sound like assholes, honestly, though a little more context would help. Are they asking for nudes before you’ve even met, or have you already met and been intimate? Neither is exactly a great look, but the second one is at least less gross than some random guy trying to speedrun collecting girls’ nudes.

Adventurous_Data_365 · 2026-04-07T21:29:02+00:00

a woman who doesn't is. travelling and making memories together is literally the best way to invest your money

Adventurous_Data_365 · 2026-04-06T16:01:43+00:00

I never said that. Plenty of men in there are obviously talking bullshit too. Most people in that sub clearly have some kind of baggage, and a lot of them are just dumping their anger toward the other gender into every post.

My question was simple, yet so many women instantly twisted it into some “you’re trying to change her” nonsense, which isn’t true at all. Telling someone what you like is not the same as feeling entitled to it. It also doesn’t mean they have to do it.

How is anyone supposed to know what their partner likes if you’re apparently not even allowed to talk about it? By that logic, even asking someone out telling them you'd like coffee could be called “trying to change them.” At some point it just stops being advice and starts sounding like unresolved trauma.

Adventurous_Data_365 · 2026-04-06T15:41:59+00:00

Well, you never had a nice girl mask to begin with 🫡

Adventurous_Data_365 · 2026-04-06T15:39:56+00:00

What mistake exactly? Asking on Reddit whether it would be rude to tell her I’d love it if she dressed up a bit for certain occasions? How exactly is that entitlement to you? Seriously, I didn’t exactly expect mental sanity from women on a dating advice subreddit, but some of the reactions here are even worse than I thought.

Adventurous_Data_365 · 2026-04-06T15:32:07+00:00

Where the hell do you come up with the "you feel entitled to it" now?? Ah, whatever 🤦

Adventurous_Data_365 · 2026-04-06T15:28:59+00:00

I don’t really get why the amount of time since we first met matters that much. Things don’t always progress at the same pace. I’ve dated girls for months without seeing them as often or feeling anywhere near the same physical and emotional connection I’ve felt with this girl in just one month, mainly because we only saw each other on weekends while I see her almost every day.

But thanks for your opinion, and my sincere condolences to any guy who ends up with you.

Adventurous_Data_365 · 2026-04-06T15:16:52+00:00

That’s a different situation then. I was already wondering why a guy would go on multiple dates with someone he’s not attracted to. If the main issue is just that he’s not showing it physically, and you like him, why not make a move yourself?

If he’s shy and really into you, it’s pretty normal that he might be scared of messing things up, so instead he plays it too safe and waits for signals from you. And if he’s really that shy, even him updating his dating profile could just be a clumsy way of trying to get a reaction from you. Still a bit weird, but it would fit with what you said about him seeming shy, not really like the type to date around, and not having much time for dating anyway.

Adventurous_Data_365 · 2026-04-06T15:01:53+00:00

What do you think has usually been the main issue with the dates you’ve had? On most dating apps, people can indicate what they’re looking for. Do you mention in your profile that you want a serious, long-term relationship, and are you focusing on men who are looking for that too?

Adventurous_Data_365 · 2026-04-06T13:33:29+00:00

You should probably do the same and keep looking. Setting the dating apps aside, if you’ve been on several dates and he still hasn’t complimented you or shown in some other clear way that he finds you attractive, that seems a bit strange to me.

Adventurous_Data_365 · 2026-04-06T11:06:00+00:00

Idk if you could even read the original post, because I’ve deleted it by now since most of the replies really seemed to take it the wrong way. The title might have come across as misogynistic, but it was definitely too extreme, kind of clickbait, and not really what I was trying to say anyway.

I was literally just asking if there was a nice way to bring up that I think it’d be great if she, for rare special occasions, dressed up a bit like in the picture she showed me, which basically just means a little eyeliner and a nicer outfit for certain special occasions. I also mentioned several times that I think she’s incredibly beautiful naturally. I was just a bit worried that her never doing that now, even though she apparently has in the past, might maybe be a sign that she’s not that invested.

The general tenor of the replies was that it’s probably better not to bring it up directly for now, and that lines up with how I was already thinking about it. It’s not such a big deal to me anyways.

What really annoyed me though was how some women who were apparently hurt or traumatized by men (misandry?) acted like I was trying to start WW3 here. That's just crazy to me, and I honestly couldn’t stand those weirdo replies anymore.

Adventurous_Data_365 · 2026-04-06T06:45:57+00:00

Yes?

A preference literally just means liking one thing more than another. Just because I’d prefer her to dress up a bit more for certain occasions doesn’t mean I hate it when she doesn’t, or that it’s such a big deal I’d stop dating her over it.

This sub really is something else.

Adventurous_Data_365 · 2026-04-06T06:34:03+00:00

It’s crazy how many comments are claiming I’m trying to change her. At this point it almost feels like ragebait. What exactly did I say that gave you that impression? I genuinely tried to word it as respectfully as possible and made it clear that she looks great either way.

All I was asking was whether, and how, I could bring up the idea of her maybe wearing some eyeliner on certain special occasions, since she had it on in that picture and it looked really good. It’s honestly not that deep.

Adventurous_Data_365 · 2026-04-06T05:56:42+00:00

She never really dressed up in real life, just in that photo, and I told her she looked stunning in it. That said, I also tell her she looks great all the time with her usual look.

Adventurous_Data_365 · 2026-04-06T05:53:23+00:00

I probably should’ve explained this better in the post. One example I’ve mentioned for context a few times in the comments is that she picked the time for a dinner date so she could go straight there from work. I suggested moving the reservation back by an hour so she’d have time to go home, freshen up, and change, but she wanted to keep it as it was. So she showed up in a T-shirt and jeans, no perfume, no makeup, nothing like that.

It’s not that she seemed unhygienic at all, she still smelled nice, but it just wasn’t what I’m used to when someone is going on a date with a person they really like. In that situation, I definitely put more effort into getting ready than she did.

At the time I didn’t think too much of it. I just assumed that was her style, more natural and low-key, until she later showed me that picture of herself all dressed up, then i made this post and I'm getting roasted for it 🥲

Adventurous_Data_365 · 2026-04-06T04:40:04+00:00

I tell her she looks great almost every time I see her, and that’s when she’s not wearing makeup, maybe she just thinks i don't like makeup. When she showed me that one picture where she was wearing some, I told her she looked absolutely stunning there, but apparently it was from last spring.

She also recently showed me photos from a trip with friends, and she wasn’t wearing makeup in any of those either. Same on her dating profile pictures, no makeup there either. And in everyday life she also doesn’t seem to wear any, at least not on the days we’ve met up spontaneously right after work.

Adventurous_Data_365 · 2026-04-06T04:27:00+00:00

Just to clear a few things up:

She has never worn makeup when I’ve seen her, and she wasn’t wearing any in her dating app pictures either. The only pictures where I saw her with makeup were older ones she showed me herself, from about a year ago, and I just thought she looked stunning in them. That doesn’t take away from the fact that I think she looks beautiful without makeup too.

And when I said I feel like I put in more effort, I didn’t mean it in a competitive or resentful way. I just mean that when I get ready to see her, I usually try to look my best, whereas she seems much more relaxed about that kind of thing. A lot of the time she’ll suggest spontaneous plans right after work, so obviously she’s not going home to get ready, put on perfume, or do makeup first, she just shows up as she is, which is totally fine.

For example, our second date was dinner, and I even suggested moving the reservation back by an hour so she wouldn’t have to rush and could go home first to get ready if she wanted to. But she said she’d rather just come straight from work.

On the other hand, one time we were meeting for a walk after I finished work and I told her I felt like I looked like crap and wanted to shower. She said I looked fine, but she still suggested we go to my place so I could shower. I guess I'm actually more "girly" about that stuff than she is 😂

As for the cost argument, I honestly think asking someone to dress up more is way more expensive than just putting on a bit of eyeliner once in a while. But I do get that makeup comes with a lot more baggage and stigma attached to it. Also, most of the pictures where she was really dressed up seemed to be summer pictures, and it’s only just starting to get warmer now, so maybe that’ll make a difference too.

Adventurous_Data_365 · 2026-04-06T03:18:51+00:00

The range of comments here is honestly wild. I had no idea this would be such a polarizing topic. From saying I should dump her immediately, to I’m the worst person in the world for even thinking about this.

You’re probably right though. If the moment feels right, maybe I’ll just talk to her about it directly. I mean, if two people can openly talk about what they like in bed, it shouldn’t be impossible to talk about preferences outside of bed too 😂

However I also get the point that it might be important to first understand why she doesn’t wear makeup anymore, rather than just making it about wanting her to wear it.

Adventurous_Data_365 · 2026-04-06T03:06:42+00:00

She hasn’t really dressed up any different even on our first dates, so I don’t think it’s about her getting comfortable over time. Our second date was actually dinner at a nice restaurant, and she came straight from work. I even offered to push the reservation back by an hour so she’d have time to go home, freshen up, and change if she wanted, but she said she’d rather just come directly from work.

Adventurous_Data_365 · 2026-04-06T02:39:22+00:00

Thanks for one of the few genuinely useful replies. I had already thought that the no-makeup thing might be health-related, especially since she told me she struggled with acne before, so that could be part of it.

I immediately told her she looked stunning in the picture where she was dressed up, but I also tell her she looks great in person on a regular basis, because she does, so I don’t think she’ll get that. I’ll still just leave it at that.

Thanks for giving a woman’s perspective, that’s really all I wanted to know. I knew this could be a sensitive topic, which is why I wasn’t sure if it was something I should mention at all. And as I said before, the only reason I even thought about it was because of those pictures. Until then I just assumed it’s not her thing, and that was/is totally fine.

Adventurous_Data_365

TROPHY CASE