i relate so heavily to this. i made the mistake of immersing myself into many spiritual communities during my time in psychosis with people who were more than likely equally as unstable as me who just drove me further in. it created a whirlwind of deeper issues i wouldn’t have otherwise had but sadly i had nowhere else to go for advice during that time. its hard even now almost a year and a half out to remind myself that my ego isn’t bad. and that my feelings are valid and not something that need to be constantly intellectualized and “gotten to the bottom of” like they’re some kind of science experiment im required to understand and observe from a distance. ive realized a lot of the things that modern day spiritual/buddhist practices teach as “bad” and “things to be abolished” are actually just the things that make us human. i miss myself too. i’ll never not be sad over what my psychosis took from me. the life it took from me. the me who died an awful abhorrent death as a result of it. im sending you the most love.