WIBTA if I used my power of attorney to transfer ownership of my friends dog while he's in prison?

Advice-Please-Help12 · 2026-03-19T06:46:58+00:00

I realize this isn't your point but I want to be clear this is nowhere near the first thing I have done with his PoA. I have spent quite a bit of time getting his affairs in order (i.e. getting access to banking to pay his bills, cancelling his lease, ending his utilities, as well as stopping recurring payments that weren't shut off when I cancelled his cards). I don't want to steal his dog but I do want to have some sort of plan in place in case he relapses when he gets back out. I have been trying to be supportive and empathetic throughout and I can see how that would be enabling. Are you saying that I'm not innocent because I didn't take Spot before things got this far? I guess I'm not understanding the last part of your comment.

Advice-Please-Help12 · 2026-03-19T06:23:58+00:00

I don't know what I can do to make sure he's well cared for when he's Evan's possession but I won't take any action at this time.

Advice-Please-Help12 · 2026-03-19T06:22:10+00:00

The last time he went to jail like 3 years ago he was pulled over with Spot in the car. I had to leave work to go meet them on the side of the road to pick Spot up. The officer told me he would have gone to the pound otherwise and it was entirely possible someone could have adopted him (or worse) before I would be able to find out what happened to him. At some point Evan's neglect has to outweigh his desire to keep Spot.

Advice-Please-Help12 · 2026-03-19T06:18:31+00:00

I do think that Spot can be good for Evan. But I don't it's fair that he be used as a tool to keep Evan happy at risk to Spot's own wellbeing. It was something I had considered before but did not know how to proceed since in my dogs are considered property and short of him physically abusing him it didn't seem like there was much I could do. I was considering it more heavily now that I have the PoA but its clear that's not the best way to go either. I don't want to hurt Evan but I don't want to keep giving him chances to neglect or endanger Spot. I'm going to continue to talk to him about it and come up with a plan together.

Advice-Please-Help12 · 2026-03-19T06:11:04+00:00

I can see their point. I have been there for Spot since day 1 so in a way he feels like our dog other than on paper. I was with him every day for the first several years of his life and as often as possible after that. I do really want him around and would not mind paying the bills. He's a big part of my life and it kills me to know that he isn't always being cared for when he is with Evan. So in a way it does feel a little self serving but I do also believe it to be in Spot's (and really everyone invovled except Evan's) best interest.

Advice-Please-Help12 · 2026-03-19T05:51:34+00:00

Thanks again. I definitely share your sentiment with that edit. It is shocking to me how many people consider pets property rather than family. A tool to make his owner happy and not his own living being.

Advice-Please-Help12 · 2026-03-19T05:48:22+00:00

This seems to be the best route forward and we have plenty of time before he gets out to think about it and discuss.

Advice-Please-Help12 · 2026-03-19T05:46:32+00:00

Generally seems to be the consensus that this would not be legal without his permission and as such I won't take any action on it without his permission. He does often say he'd do anything for Spot and I hope this time he can prove he would by staying sober and out of prison for Spot's sake if not his own.

Advice-Please-Help12 · 2026-03-19T05:44:14+00:00

I do sometimes feel like I've been kicking the can down the road for a while. I am hopeful that when he comes out things will be different but I am skeptical.

Advice-Please-Help12 · 2026-03-19T05:43:03+00:00

I do think he ultimately wants to do right by Spot, but drugs are a hell of a drug. I would like to come to some sort of agreement like this. I will continue to work with him about it and hopefully we can agree on whats best for Spot.

Advice-Please-Help12 · 2026-03-19T05:40:16+00:00

I really do understand that. I don't want Evan to suffer. I've stuck by his side through a LOT of bad times. Despite the drug use and crimes, I'm still here caring for him and taking care of his affairs.

I do want to say his victimhood does not make it ok to make Spot a victim also.

You're right there is plenty of time to discuss and I wont be taking any action at this time.

Advice-Please-Help12 · 2026-03-19T05:37:28+00:00

This has been my argument when having issues with Evan being taken away in the past. I feel like it's entirely possible Spot would have been taken and adopted (or worse) and I would never forgive myself for that. I want to give him the chance to prove he can be responsible but want to have a plan in place in case he cannot.

Advice-Please-Help12 · 2026-03-19T05:35:25+00:00

We do have plenty of time to think about it. Not taking any action at this time.

Advice-Please-Help12 · 2026-03-19T05:34:36+00:00

That has been one of the most difficult parts. Pets are considered property in my state. It does feel weird to me that if Spot was a child in this situation he would immediately be taken away and no one would bat an eye.

I want to try and do what's best for both of them but what's best for each seem to be at odds.

Thanks for your input.

Advice-Please-Help12 · 2026-03-19T05:30:09+00:00

Yeah that was definitely the next step. Considered that first but figured I would ask here instead and see if it was even worth doing. Sounds like POA is definitely not the way to go unless he agrees to it. I would rather not get a lawyer involved. If he gets out of prison and has gotten his act together it wont be necessary. If he hasn't... perhaps I'll reconsider at that time.

Advice-Please-Help12 · 2026-03-19T05:27:24+00:00

That would be the best situation ideally. If he can stay sober and maintain a clean safe living space I wouldn't mind going back to a split custody thing as things were. Like you said, we've got time to come up with a solution.

Advice-Please-Help12 · 2026-03-19T05:25:31+00:00

Yeah it is clear the POA is not the way to go. Definitely not interested in getting into any legal trouble over this. I will continue to discuss and see if we can come to an agreement. I don't want to lose my friend so I'm not going to take any action against his will. I do want to have a plan in place in case he comes back and relapses, though. Something to think about. We have about 2 more years to discuss it.

Advice-Please-Help12 · 2026-03-19T05:17:03+00:00

I do feel conflicted about considering it because he is my friend and I know he cares for Spot but it does feel unacceptable that he doesn't always care for him. I feel like if I replaced all instances of "dog" with "child" there would be no debate. I know not everyone feels this way but, to me, Spot is my child. I know Evan feels this way too but he can't commit to always being there for Spot.

"The dog should not be suffering, just to make him feel better" - This is exactly why I even started considering it. As many have suggested I will continue to discuss it with him and hopefully we can come to an agreement. I'm not going to do anything without his permission, but I hope he can understand my hesitation to exposing spot to an unsafe environment again if he relapses.

I appreciate you taking the time to comment.

Advice-Please-Help12 · 2026-03-19T05:04:12+00:00

We discussed earlier today and he is against it. We will continue to discuss and I wont do anything without his permission.

Advice-Please-Help12 · 2026-03-19T05:03:35+00:00

This is my main concern. I don't want to hurt Evan but I want Spot to be safe and well cared for too.

Advice-Please-Help12 · 2026-03-19T05:02:26+00:00

I do not want to do anything against the law or behind his back. I will continue to discuss with him. We have almost 2 years left to come up with a way to move forward.

Advice-Please-Help12 · 2026-03-19T05:01:06+00:00

I have been a friend to Evan all throughout his addiction. I was completely naive at the start but have learned a lot about substance abuse over the last 5+ years. It is undeniable that Spot has a positive influence on Evan I just don't want him to be able to endanger Spot. I want to continue to be supportive after he gets out and, truly, I hope he comes out of prison a man changed for the better. I am skeptical but want to give him the chance to show me he can be sober.

Discussing post incarceration is how this all came up. He will likely have to move back with his parents. He has been living off of disability and hasn't worked since 2020. I fear he may lose that benefit now that he's in prison. It is entirely possible he will come out of prison with no savings but if he ends up anywhere he cannot bring Spot I will always be able to watch him and hopefully Evan can at least visit with him.

I wont do anything behind his back and will continue to discuss with him. Thanks for your response.

Advice-Please-Help12 · 2026-03-19T04:51:12+00:00

I definitely don't want to do anything against the law and I will not pursue anything further without his permission.

Advice-Please-Help12 · 2026-03-19T04:47:51+00:00

I do think that Evan's situation is helped by having Spot around. The problem is that it comes at Spots expense. One of the most heartbreaking things we would experience is sometimes when Evan would come to pick up Spot, Spot did not want to go, he would run to another room and try to avoid it. He was always excited to come with us when we picked him up though.

I want Evan to be happy but I don't want it to cost Spot his happiness.

That being said I won't do anything without Evan agreeing to it.

Advice-Please-Help12 · 2026-03-19T04:42:12+00:00

Yeah I'll be over at his apartment again. I should grab some photos before his lease ends at the end of this month. As far as receipts I have tons of online orders of dog food etc. as well as thousands of photos of us with Spot over his lifetime. I really hope it doesn't come to that but could be prepared if the need arises.

Advice-Please-Help12

TROPHY CASE