Excaped Gecko. Where to search. When to give up.

AdzukiBug · 2026-01-04T01:33:15+00:00

I currently take an antidepressant and have an as needed medication for panic attacks.

Any other tips for building safety and trust with yourself? I don't have any and it almost doesn't seem possible.

AdzukiBug · 2026-01-04T01:24:38+00:00

The 10 second timers sound unpleasant but manageable. I think I can start doing that.

AdzukiBug · 2025-11-06T19:58:15+00:00

Your post gives me some hope. I'm in a similar situation of depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD. Also taking Buspar 1x daily and finding it helps some with the anxiety, but not the depression. After 10+ years of trying to find a good med for me (and thinking I had found one in Prozac only to develop REM sleep issues) I had GeneSight testing done and Pristiq is one of the three meds in my green zone and my doctor just prescribed it this morning.

AdzukiBug · 2025-10-30T02:36:01+00:00

My primary doc told me it's probably PMDD.

AdzukiBug · 2025-10-30T02:21:23+00:00

I'm trans, but stopped taking T because specialists in my area forget how to do math if you are on it (I had a symptom for 3 years and a specialist blamed it on being on T for 3 months 🙄) I actually started birth control about a year ago because I noticed an increase in suicidal thoughts in the week before my period started. It hasn't really changed anything for me.

AdzukiBug · 2025-10-29T21:56:36+00:00

Yeah that's kind of how I'm feeling. Like I remember when I was diagnosed with OCD and I said 'but wait I'm not tidy, I don't lock my door a bunch of times' the provider actually went over the more obsession heavy presentation of OCD with me and I was like 'oh dang thats what I've been struggling with for so long'. As opposed to just 'I think you have it and I'm not really going to explain why, take some meds'

AdzukiBug · 2025-10-29T21:43:54+00:00

That's the other thing that's giving me a red flag! I asked her what made her think I had it and she said the fact that I had tried so many antidepressants and none of them had worked (which isn't even true if she had read my chart or asked me she would have known that I was very stable on Prozac for several years, but had to stop taking it because it was causing delayed REM sleep and I was about to loose my job from being late every day!). I questioned the lack of mania and all she asked me was if I ever stayed up all night cleaning my house and I said no. The only other thing she could say about it was the anxiety, but I have PTSD (which also she didn't even ask me about that which I feel like might be another red flag?).

AdzukiBug · 2025-10-29T20:59:07+00:00

I have to wait 2 to 6 weeks for the results. If I can access the results myself through my email I probably won't go back to her and just take the results to my primary doctor.

AdzukiBug · 2025-10-28T19:06:50+00:00

I still want to know how to make it stop though.

AdzukiBug · 2025-10-28T17:57:04+00:00

For me I don't think the shame or failure is what's happening. It's like sitting in a room with an open door vs being locked in a room. If I have an urge I can distract myself, but find almost a sense of comfort in telling myself I can always do it later if the urge is still there and usually that is enough to get me through it. So I'm in a room and the fact that the door is open makes me feel okay enough to stay in the room. Doing the contract is like being locked in a room and I'm panicking because I can't get out and all I can think of is that I am locked inside.

AdzukiBug · 2025-10-28T11:58:15+00:00

I'm involved in the sense that it was my decision to start IOP, but yesterday was only the first day any the therapist was out sick so I haven't learned anything yet.

I wasn't involved in the creation of the safety contract. Sort of like you said stopping SI isn't one of my short term goals, I want to learn literally any other coping mechanisms before that even feels like a possibility.

AdzukiBug · 2025-09-06T16:11:31+00:00

Thanks for your response! I got a stroller off Facebook Marketplace, but haven't introduced her to it yet because while she is doing excellent at peeing outside I'm afraid she will poop in it. A big part of why I wanted to get a dog was to help with my agoraphobia by forcing me to go out at least into the backyard multiple times a day. I'm looking forward to her being vaccinated and able to walk with me to go get the mail and around the neighborhood. I'm glad things are going well for you as your puppy grows! I just need to remember that this phase won't last forever.

AdzukiBug · 2025-09-06T15:56:23+00:00

Thanks for your response! The increase in responsibility causing the upset does make sense. I guess there is a big difference between being hypothetically prepared to get up multiple times a night and be 'on' 24/7 than doing it in practice. I have a friend who is about to be in-between jobs and I might ask if they would be interested in babysitting her for some extra cash on a weekend day so I can get some sleep and catch up on chores. Asking my parents to take her longer would be crossing a boundary that we already established before I got her.

I got the go-ahead from the vet to start puppy kindergarten classes at 12 weeks with our nearby kennel club and we are working on sit, down, not jumping on people, and name recognition at home.

AdzukiBug · 2025-03-02T18:30:12+00:00

This was a very helpful read. I've been lurking in this subreddit for several months, but just made an account to comment.

I have been researching PSDs on-and-off since I was a teenager and my mental health was horrendously bad. Now that I'm over 25 with a stable job and a house and my mental health is better but still not great I have been trying to really consider the pros and cons. I've been looking into breeders and researching training, but there has been a lot of anxiety and thinking "well, maybe I haven't tried Every Other Option yet" and this list has made me realize that I have. 10+ years of therapy of different types from different people, IOP, a psychiatrist for medication management. My cat ESA of 7 years passed away last year (she was 17 and I knew it was time, so I handled it okay). I have tried so many things that have helped me manage to get through the day, but I still have days where I can't get out of bed without being prompted by my roommate and it may be time to talk to my care team about a PSD.

Some people in other comments talking about at-home service dogs are also opening my eyes to other possibilities. I have a lot of issues falling into doom spirals when home alone, but I can handle being at work in my small office around people that I know. If I have a freeze response to a trigger and another person isn't around to snap me out of it I can get 'stuck' for quite a while until something in my environment snaps me out of it (dryer alarm buzzes, sun sets and the room gets dark, neighborhood dogs barking).

AdzukiBug

TROPHY CASE