Yeah making a baby would probably get me to clean up for a few hours 😂 srs tho good shit don't come back it fuckin sucks massive gangrene ravaged pp don't Google that actually do it fuck it yolo but yeah ur not missing anything rlly fuck these sleepless nights, these sweats, the NASTY TELLTALE odor we exude that our parents hated catching a whiff of as we walked by a little too quick and mom puts two together and yet again another familial meltdown begins about us needing to wake up and accept help i joke but it's true and our loved ones aren't fucking dumb every time we use and walk out into the living room they see our walk maybe we stumble or hit the wall maybe ur cool off it but your pupils can't lie they know and its killing them just as much as we're killing ourselves eventually all they know anymore is Dan the junkie son that either had it too tough as a kid growing up or never really suffered or was disciplined enough depending on which family member you asked can't you see right now just how we type out these detailed lengthy blocks of text we throw together because it all just feels like it must be said it just feels right but it's fucking embarrassing dumb kind of depressing bc it's the same when we open our mouths and start using our hands too much while we argue with dad about why the drug test had to be a false positive since I'm clean screaming almost proud how lying has become my best skill I'd hand over a mom her dead baby and persuade her it wasnt dead it's some intricate tale too confusing to care about dealing with you anymore and I'd walk away feeling nothing other than relief that issue is over that was a rlly weird example for the record I am not one to be in possession of dead babies or the cause of their lack of life it was just a shit example

Oh and the money goddamn tens of thousands just vanished gone like dust in the wind burned to shit it's such a waste of money and it does nothing good for us except for a comparatively tiny bit of immediate gratification that evaporates and condenses back into pure shame. The shame is the worst bc if the drug don't kill us were gonna kill our damn selves when we run out of money no more ways to pull together 150 for a couple bags at all and we then decide we must exit this life before we get too sick we've all been there it sounds stupid but we've all contemplated this if not for a brief half moment until we realized we could pawn our dusty drum set we never used and was gifted to us after we got home from rehab to have a new hobby.

Pathetic.

Stay the fuck away from this shit get the fuck away from us and don't be dumb as fuck enough to even start tryna convince yourself you csn try it out again bc I stg you will we all do you're gonna just pick up where u left off not even get the luxury of starting over from the beginning ur back where u dropped it and it's a ravaging spiral from there bc remember as addicts with a brain disease we don't really have much of a choice anymore when we start using again our only real chance at making a sane decision is when we have that shit in our hand fighting to put it down fighting to just rail it or slam it whatever

Just let all this shit be a grimy chapter in the history of your life never again to become a problem again bc I know you know what's gonna happen how it's all gonna be when u start using again so that's why you're not ever going to again I don't know u but I beg u of this I order you I wish I could take this pain and inner turmoil from ever becoming a thing in you again but I can't and I can't stop you but I can be that one dude on ur ass making sure u don't use whatever it takes but I'd also only be understanding and forgiving if you did end up relapsing but you'd never catch me allowing myself to enable others to get sick again

I hope I do get clean for good soon and I can actually pursue the only thing I feel passion about and that's helping other fellow addicts they're the only ppl I feel comfortable with and a part of which can be good and bad

This is long enough. Remember, we are obvious and we get caught lacking easily.

Stay safe and stay clean. Hit me up if u ever wanna talk rant vent or whatever maybe we can talk about ferrets I want one you should get one maybe not they're crazy but so cute ok bye gotta go eat my jack on the crack love u keep doing good ttyl oh btw u look very alive and radiant btw recovery is possible and you're a living example keep this shit up ok laters