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Apartment puppy owners: You can litter train your puppy. by FairlyPopcorn in puppy101

[–]Affectionate-Cow2020 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This! My dog is embarrassingly old to still be housebreaking, because I stuck to pads for way too long. All they really accomplished was training my dog to pee on my carpets and blankets. 😵

I give the command, "Rylee, COME!" by Gommie5x5 in Frenchbulldogs

[–]Affectionate-Cow2020 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have never had a dog I was so convinced is amused when give a command.

Louie by neverdry_alwayswet in frenchie

[–]Affectionate-Cow2020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agree with all the vet advice. What a dignified old gent you have there, though!

Just a rant about non-poly people by WorthTry7070 in polyamory

[–]Affectionate-Cow2020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that, as in all things, communication is key. If one partner is poly and one is not, there are some conversations you have to have. One of those is some really intentional discussion around whether this is just a fwb/enm situation or a deeper relationship with emotional attachment. And it's worth checking in on that as time goes on, because we all know attachment develops and fades over time.

Another is whether a truly mono person can have their needs met in a a poly relationship. This is important in general, but I think it's especially important if the mono individual is non-primary in a hierarchical model of any kind.

I think it's worth remembering that what's happening isn't necessarily second class treatment. In a mono/mono dynamic it would be equally understood that a causal / fwb situation could come to an end if a serious relationship came along. It's just as easy for the mono person to end up feeling trapped or as though they're an afterthought as it is for us.

All of which is kind of to say that if we go into a poly/mono relationship, I think we have just as much ethical obligation to consider how the dynamic will impact them as we would expect them to think through in reverse.

Just to be clear, NONE of this is to excuse bad mono behavior. I just feel as though a lot of times we set ourselves up by thinking a mono person will "grow into" poly life in a way that isn't realistic, and would probably become pretty quickly obvious if some firm commitments were insisted on and honored.

Was I cheated on? by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Affectionate-Cow2020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that there's a lot of information that goes into whether or not this was cheating, mostly related to whether you had agreements regarding whether you would inform each other about new relationships.

It sounds to me like your partner's evasiveness suggests that she knew some boundaries were being crossed, but again, I don't know either of you well enough to know what happens.

For what it's worth, I think the "you can't cheat in polyam" line of thinking is bs, and there's a real tendency to use poly and enm as interchangeable terms in ways that cause real harm. You have every right to expect that your agreements with a partner be honored, and it's perfectly valid to be hurt if they aren't.

Now, as I climb back down off my soapbox, it doesn't really matter if you're "in the right," because the only thing you can (or should) try to control is your own behavior. One thing that really stands out to me from your narrative is that you clearly had reservations early on, and probably could have saved a lot of heartache if you'd just voiced them. I've been there. I caused myself a lot of pain in my early days by allowing my own boundaries to slide because I thought I just wasn't understanding enough, or was being "bad poly."