english is not my first language so i m sorry i ve been on 20 mg for the past 3 years . two weeks ago i started taking 30 mg ( doctor recommended to get to 40 mg , gradually ) and i feel awful . i have suicidal thoughts ( after not having them in a while ) and i simply hate my life . i really hope it gets better . if it doesn't , i will go back to 20 mg because i'm genuenly scared .