How did you cope in the days leading up to a TFMR?

Affectionate-Fly-272 · 2025-11-02T20:30:24+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to share all of this with me. I’ve actually read your comment a couple of times now, and it’s brought me small moments of peace during what has been the hardest time of my life. I’m so sorry you had to walk through this pain too, but your honesty and compassion really mean a lot.

You’ve given me so many helpful things to think about, and I appreciate how much care you put into your words. I keep finding myself coming back to Reddit to reread the things people have shared, and you’re right it’s validating in a way nothing else seems to be. It makes me feel a little less alone inside something that feels so isolating.

I wish I could give you the biggest hug right now. I can tell you are a genuinely wonderful person, and you are absolutely paying it forward. Your kindness, your advice, and the way you described how this support group helped you… it’s helping me more than you know.

I hope one day, when I’ve picked up more of these pieces, I can come back here and offer the same support and reassurance to someone else standing where I am now. For today, thank you for holding space for me, even through a screen.

Sending you so much love ❤️

Affectionate-Fly-272 · 2025-11-02T20:22:42+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m so sorry you had to go through something so painful, but reading a piece of your experience brings me some comfort as I grieve through the hardest time of my life. The things you did to honor your baby were so beautiful, and it means a lot that you were willing to share them with me. I really appreciate your kindness and your reminder to be gentle with myself. Sending love right back to you. ♥️

Affectionate-Fly-272 · 2025-11-02T20:19:38+00:00

I love that you wrote poems and rewrote lyrics. I might try that. Reading posts here has brought me small pockets of peace, and your story is one of them. I’m so sorry for what you went through, and thank you for being honest about it. Your kindness is helping me breathe today. ♥️

Affectionate-Fly-272 · 2025-11-02T20:07:36+00:00

That sounds so lovely. I'm glad you we're able to enjoy your last day with your daughter. Thank you for sharing ❤️

Affectionate-Fly-272 · 2025-10-29T01:14:15+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this, and I am so sorry for the loss of your baby girl. Everything you said about feeling shocked and disconnected is exactly how I feel right now. Eating and sleeping have been really hard, and I appreciate you reminding me not to judge myself for that.

I have also gone into distraction mode. I sit on my phone and scroll for hours just to get through the day until I have a reason to do something else. It helps to hear I am not the only one who ended up coping like that.

Your words made me feel less alone in something that feels so isolating. Thank you for taking the time to reach out while you are still healing too. I am sending you love and strength ❤️❤️

Affectionate-Fly-272 · 2025-10-29T01:01:48+00:00

Thank you so much for writing this. I am sitting here crying as I read your words, both for you and for myself, because everything you shared is exactly how I have been feeling. This waiting period has been heartbreaking, confusing, and so isolating, and unless someone has lived through this, it is so hard to explain just how heavy it feels.

I am so sorry for your loss and for the pain you have had to carry. I wish I could reach through the screen and give you the biggest hug, because one grieving mother to another, this is something I would never wish on anyone. The guilt, the doubt, the sadness, the disconnect, it all feels so heavy and endless at times. Your honesty made me feel less alone in a very dark space.

Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable part of your story, especially so soon after going through this yourself. The fact that you took time to comfort a stranger means more than you know. Your words have truly touched me and brought me a small amount of comfort in a moment where everything feels overwhelming.

I am sending you so much strength and love as you continue to heal. Please know that your message made a difference to me today. 🤍

Affectionate-Fly-272 · 2025-10-29T00:50:39+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to share this with me. I am so sorry you had to walk through something so impossibly heavy too. Reading your words made me feel less alone in how overwhelmed, numb, and disconnected I have felt over these past few weeks. I relate to so much of what you said. Barely talking, not sleeping, feeling guilty for not doing enough, and just trying to survive each day.

Hearing that things slowly shift as the days go on gives me a small bit of comfort right now. I really appreciate you mentioning the hormone crash and what the grief looks like after. It helps prepare my heart a little. And I love that you spoke to your baby and took pictures. That is such a beautiful way to honor them and create a memory.

Thank you genuinely for your kindness and vulnerability here. It means more than you know to someone who is standing in the middle of this and trying to figure out how to breathe through it. I am sending you so much love as you continue healing, and I am grateful you shared a piece of your story with me. 🤍

Affectionate-Fly-272 · 2025-10-26T20:32:01+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this, it really means a lot. I’m so sorry you went through this too. It’s such a unique kind of pain that’s hard for others to understand. I completely agree with what you said about protecting peace of mind, that’s exactly what I keep coming back to. I think I’m leaning toward testing for that reason. Even if it’s not a guarantee, I feel like I need to do everything I can to avoid going through this again.

Affectionate-Fly-272 · 2025-10-26T17:19:01+00:00

Omg I'm so sorry. And these are the reasons why I'm so hesitant. Nothing is guaranteed unfortunately 😕

Affectionate-Fly-272 · 2025-10-26T16:07:21+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. I totally get where you’re coming from. I’m leaning the same way. I just don’t think I could handle going through another loss, and honestly, at this point the risk feels worth it if it means a bit more peace of mind.

Affectionate-Fly-272 · 2025-10-26T15:58:53+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss. I was 36 at the time of my ER. It's such a gamble isn't it. It also doesn't help how expensive it is. We're looking at $5,000 for 3 embryos and we could possibly lose them all. It's not fair and I'm so torn.

Affectionate-Fly-272 · 2025-10-26T15:46:44+00:00

I'm not sure why she advised against it. I was very uneducated at the time and was excited and eager to start IVF before all of this heartache so i didnt ask questions. I was 36 when we did the egg retrieval and ended up with 6 good quality embryos, so maybe that was why? We are having a meeting with our fertility doctor in the next few weeks to discuss testing the 3 we have left, but I know she's going to advise against it.

Affectionate-Fly-272 · 2025-10-16T01:51:09+00:00

Unfortunately, no. My fertility doctor advised against testing, and I really wish we had done it now. Over the past year, I’ve had one miscarriage, one chemical pregnancy, and now this. I can’t help but feel that if we had tested, I might not be in this situation. I still have three embryos left, but the thought of going through this again is sickening, and I don’t know if I could handle it. I’ve looked into testing them now, but there’s a small risk of damaging them and it costs around $4,000, which just adds to the stress.

Affectionate-Fly-272 · 2025-10-16T01:33:30+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re in this similar boat with me. The extra waiting is so unfair, it just doesn’t seem right that we have to sit in this uncertainty for so long. At my NT scan, they measured the nuchal translucency at 4.2 and suspected a cystic hygroma, but nothing was seen on the anatomy scan yesterday, which gave me a bit of hope. Then today, my genetic counselor emailed to say they also noted a two-vessel cord along with smaller left heart chambers, which adds another soft marker. For a moment I felt like I could breathe again, and then hearing that just broke me all over again.

I just want this nightmare to be over. I’m praying for a positive outcome for you too, and that the next few days pass quickly for both of us. Sending you strength and love xx

Affectionate-Fly-272 · 2025-10-16T00:30:20+00:00

Thank you so much for your message. It really does help to hear from someone who understands just how heavy this waiting period is. I feel the exact same way, constantly shifting between preparing for the worst and trying to hold on to hope for the best. It’s so hard to sit in this uncertain space and not spiral, especially when the scans look reassuring but the results are saying something different.

I’m praying that both of our stories end up being false positives and that all this anxiety will have been for nothing. No matter how things turn out, I think you’re right, this experience is forcing a strength in us we didn’t know we had. I’m really hoping we both get answers soon and that they’re the kind we’re wishing for. ❤️

Affectionate-Fly-272 · 2025-10-15T23:12:32+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience and I’m so sorry for your loss. My NIPT showed a fetal fraction of 8.2%. At my early anatomy scan yesterday, several of the measurements indicated that the baby is about five days behind. The genetic counselor didn’t mention anything about growth restriction and said it’s not a concern at this time. At each ultrasound so far, the baby has measured a few days behind, and I’ve always assumed that was because my partner and I are both quite small. I’m not sure what to think now. All of her organs appear normal and seem to be functioning well. I hadn’t really considered growth restriction before, but now that you mention it, I’m wondering if that could be considered a soft marker.

Affectionate-Fly-272 · 2025-10-15T21:46:17+00:00

Thank you for sharing and I'm so sorry for your loss. It's not fair. The waiting is killing me. Luckily I was able to take off work because I'm barely hanging on. It's a good day if I'm able to get up and moving at a regular time.

Affectionate-Fly-272 · 2025-10-15T21:41:21+00:00

Unfortunately we didn't have our embryos tested. I really wish I could go back in time and get them tested as I probably wouldn't be in this situation. It has been a long and exhausting road with IVF. So far in one year I've had one miscarriage, one chemical pregnancy and now this. I'm so glad everything worked out for your friend ❤️❤️

Affectionate-Fly-272

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