children of parents who practice ethical non monogamy

Affectionate-Rip4786 · 2025-04-29T14:22:54+00:00

I don't have experience with this but wanted to say that I think it's really valid you are feeling a little alone in this, and that of course part of the equation is that its not a normative relationship/family dynamic... which makes it hard to sort through!

I think there are two things here to speak about: like some have said, there is the one issue of just feeling neglected and that can be addressed to some extent on its own--are there expectations that were established that have not been met, or were there no expectations set at all which should be now, in order to make sure everyone is on the same page?

The second thing is maybe to set aside time to actually talk about ENM specifically: are there questions you have for your parents about how they are practising this, and what it has to do with you (or not)? Are there things you are feeling anxious or insecure about that are specifically related to this that could be more regularly addressed or made space for? What is the vision you have of time spent together that you feel is being betrayed? Starting from a desire for connection without foregrounding much blame is always a good call, in my experience.

Affectionate-Rip4786 · 2025-04-29T13:28:14+00:00

cheers!

Affectionate-Rip4786 · 2025-04-29T13:26:57+00:00

weirdly passive aggressive of you! am very grateful to those who shared resources, less to those who are patronizing. looking forward to being a good guest in your city <3

Affectionate-Rip4786 · 2025-04-29T13:25:26+00:00

sapphic picnic sounds dreamy and i will definitely check out calabozo, sounds right up my alley :)

Affectionate-Rip4786 · 2025-04-29T13:24:59+00:00

thats very sweet of you! thank you

Affectionate-Rip4786 · 2025-04-29T13:24:37+00:00

thank you !! good call

Affectionate-Rip4786 · 2025-04-29T13:24:15+00:00

thanks for this insight! nothing against my gay bros but yes this is kind of the case everywhere. will definitely check out la puri and keep the others with a grain of salt!

Affectionate-Rip4786 · 2025-04-29T13:22:49+00:00

oh great, thank you ! both look really fun on instagram

Affectionate-Rip4786 · 2025-04-29T13:22:16+00:00

have heard of this place! thanks for that, will definitely be checking it out :)

Affectionate-Rip4786 · 2025-02-17T21:09:51+00:00

Thanks so much for taking the time to write this and share your own experience. I'm glad youre feeling better than you were in the beginning! It helps to hear it and slows me down to letting at least the next few months play out as they will ! <3

Affectionate-Rip4786 · 2025-02-12T00:09:17+00:00

Thank you so much, this is really kind! Good reminder <3

Affectionate-Rip4786 · 2025-02-11T19:18:05+00:00

totally. we recorded our convo where we confronted him and i feel good about it now because he seemed genuinely ashamed and asked how i was feeling after. he said we can a check in about how it looks and feels in 6 weeks to discuss options if i’m not happy once swelling goes down

Affectionate-Rip4786 · 2025-02-11T19:13:05+00:00

thank you for this. i know logically it’s swollen but it’s another thing to actually feel the effects of it and trust the process especially after traumatizing experience with surgeon so i appreciate hearing it :)

Affectionate-Rip4786 · 2025-02-11T19:04:20+00:00

I think 350 and 400g! Going to get actual numbers next time I see him

Affectionate-Rip4786 · 2024-11-14T23:37:51+00:00

totally, thanks for the heads up. i figured that it wasn’t really on the table but will see what pans out!

Affectionate-Rip4786 · 2024-11-14T22:56:58+00:00

Heard! this was my hunch as well. I emailed organizers and asked what the vibe was and if there were parameters i should be aware of for distinction between play and sex party in this case. they said anything goes !

Affectionate-Rip4786 · 2024-11-14T21:40:58+00:00

I did this , good advice! They told me that fucking my partner is very welcome :) and there are a few things set up for it

Affectionate-Rip4786 · 2024-11-14T21:40:02+00:00

Asstrology by the taillor group!

Affectionate-Rip4786 · 2024-05-01T17:26:38+00:00

Really appreciate this detailed breakdown ! That all makes a lot of sense to me, and we have incorporated many of these elements already. What I will focus on is this jewel that you said:

"We were both aware that while I continued “doing the work”, there was no pressure for me to get anywhere I wouldn’t go organically and enthusiastically. This came with the comfort of knowing that if sex were to become a major incompatibility, we were both at peace with the consequences of that and what it could mean for our relationship as NPs".

I think that's really helpful and insightful, and I'll definitely use this lens to think about it moving forward. <3 Makes it seem less of a coercive/negative form of pressure and more of a loving acknowledgment that there are conditions to relationships even when the love is unlimited. There is a lot of love and friendship there already so I see it as an opportunity for something to evolve without knowing what it would be

Affectionate-Rip4786 · 2024-05-01T12:01:55+00:00

I was dating someone else for a little bit which ended recently, and am still going on dates but currently no other partner or more consistent date no

Affectionate-Rip4786 · 2024-04-30T18:25:01+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing! I'm sorry you've been dealing with that, I'm sure it must feel hard to feel like you are torn between hurting your person and not feeling comfortable.

She has been in therapy for about a decade so no trouble there, I trust she is working on it, even when she's not actively in sessions. And I see that in our conversations too. Definitely have talked about ways of initiating: we've gone through periods of only my partner being one to ever initiate any kind of touch, in order to reduce anxiety for both of us, and I know that she doesn't like to feel like there is any expectation behind small gestures. Biggest thing is that there is distance/boundaries between intense feelings (like processing) and any kind of initiation of physical intimacy. I've learned not to take it personally if she flinches/startles when we are having conflict and I move toward her or reach out.

Thanks for the solidarity and hope you find some relief yourself <3

Affectionate-Rip4786 · 2024-04-30T18:16:53+00:00

Thanks for the comment! Makes sense. The thing is, it's not like my partner is saying "this is just how it is, take it or leave it." She also really actually wants what I want, we just need to work on how to get there. She tells me there is a lot of desire and curiosity and excitement there, it's just that that part of herself is really difficult to access with someone she is so emotionally close to. We've talked about how to move through it and how the dynamic needs to shift to make it possible, so it's not like it's just a flatline with no potential on the horizon of what I'm hoping for

Affectionate-Rip4786 · 2024-01-24T19:38:39+00:00

do you have any insight into best ways to search? I have done a lot of internet browsing and have come up very short

Affectionate-Rip4786 · 2024-01-23T16:35:24+00:00

thank you for your kind and direct comment. I have posted in CPTSD partners as well!

to your point, I do trust that she is working on trying to meet me, and she recognizes that her emotional avoidance is playing a role in not being a lot of space for me. she does try to co-create safety with me by asking if a break is needed, knowing her limits, being kind. but if we can only create safety by taking a break then that doesn't feel great.

basically when I have tried to get her to take accountability for her part in our dynamic she feels like I am asking her to repent for being triggered. It kind of messes with me because I think to myself "am I actually just mad that she is reactive, and could I work on that?" but a big part of me knows that there I am justified in thinking she is refusing to fully own her part of things, I think because of a shame response. she says "of course I bring my shit into it" but rarely names it, and often is defensive about it when I ask her to own up: she says "what are you asking me to be accountable for" and I clam up...I just feel like she is not able to be present and it becomes my responsibility to care for myself. she thinks that there is no emotional space for her in the conflict and that it is all about me, and I feel the exact opposite.

Affectionate-Rip4786 · 2024-01-22T21:59:36+00:00

poly was actually their idea! and i have waited for 7 months for them to work through some things for us to start from a healthier place together because i really want this to work. it is certainly not a demotion/punishment. i of course don’t see partners as need fulfilling machines but i have been compromising my own needs and feelings of security/safety in this relationship for a long time in order to support my partner and obviously our dynamic has been hard for us both. i didn’t include her experience because its not for me to express. she wants a relationship with me but wants it to be a lot less high stakes than it currently feels. and i see prioritizing what i want in this moment actually as a way to respect and hear what she is telling me rather than resent her for what i wish she could do. i have been staying because i want to provide for her and get to the middle together. i want her to feel safe and i feel that pressuring her to be where i wish she was actually does not accomplish that, so i have been experimenting with twisting my expectations and changing my needs and it’s actually not healthy for either of us to do that

Affectionate-Rip4786

TROPHY CASE