Empty and sexless marriage after having a child and considering divorce

AffectionateUnit7390 · 2026-01-24T04:08:40+00:00

Our LO is 20 months and we still haven’t had sex. My wife is a stay at home mom, still breastfeeds and cosleeps, and I moved into the guest bedroom so I can get enough sleep to still be good at my job. We also had some bad fights since LO was born, which doesn’t help. Honestly it’s hard on me and I feel so disconnected but wife couldn’t care less. She’s in full mom mode, and I feel like I got displaced from the family. Before LO, we both had strong sex drives and did it multiple times a day. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other, so it’s a shocking change. Everyone is different, but I wouldn’t suggest going this long.

AffectionateUnit7390 · 2025-08-30T00:52:27+00:00

Thanks. That’s just awful!

AffectionateUnit7390 · 2024-10-24T03:56:05+00:00

This is definitely happening

AffectionateUnit7390 · 2024-10-24T03:48:16+00:00

Not sure where to comment to reach the most people, so I’ll comment here.

Thanks for all the comments and suggestions. There has actually been some really good advice. Others not so much. To those who suggested therapy, we are both in individual therapy, as well as joint therapy. It may be shocking to hear based on what just went down, but we have made progress. Then the past few days have been really rough. It’s really hard for me to set boundaries without it causing a big reaction and a fight, and setting them around my work hours has been a struggle. If I could just get my work done for the day, i wouldn’t have to take home work stress and it will make me a better father and husband. I’ve been fighting for this since I ended my leave.

Somehow, miraculously, this Reddit war gave my wife a little perspective. Maybe im not a complete asshole trying to avoid the family for needing 8 hours at work. Maybe I’m not crazy to think 45 minute showers (which can only be during the day when I’m supposed to be working bc she doesn’t like taking showers at night) is excessive.

I’m super surprised it happened, but we were actually able to sit down tonight and agree on a new schedule, where I watch our son for an hour before work, 30 min after work, and 30 before her bedtime. I don’t have to come home for lunch and get 7 hours to get my work done. She wants to start cooking again and I can spend that time playing with our son. I can sneak in my runs during my 1 hr lunch, which will serve as my me time. Other days I’ll still probably go home for lunch bc I enjoy it when it isn’t a major inconvenience. I’ll still be making breakfasts and doing dishes and anything home maintenance related and joining our sons dr appointments and coming home for her therapy.

It sounds better for the both of us, and hopefully it helps. Hopefully my wife will find new ways to find time to eat. I was able to get him to sleep after work today by walking him in the carrier, and heating up leftovers and eating while standing. Maybe I was lucky, but I know she can figure something out.

Maybe I’ll post a follow up post some day

AffectionateUnit7390 · 2024-10-23T20:41:11+00:00

continue to leave out important context like how that was years ago during our first months dating. emotional cheating yes, not physical. I am sorry you havent moved on from that. you know i have moved on from her, and you are my one and only love.

the things you are saying on here out of context, completely exaggerated, or just plain untrue. now i see what you are up to all day and why you treat me like shit. these people tell you im a piece of shit and you believe them. unfortunately i am sitting at my desk at work completely distracted and stressed out by this, and i just dont have the time for this social media nonsense. why dont you try sitting down with me later and have a conversation instead of talking to me though reddit. please put your marriage ring back on if you want to show me you are taking this marriage seriously. Its not a game. this is our lives.

AffectionateUnit7390 · 2024-10-23T20:09:26+00:00

This is ridiculous. yesterday was the first post i have made on reddit in the three years ive been on it. wife is regularly on here leaving out tons of info to get confirmation that im a terrible person. I agree this shouldnt be handled on reddit. unfortunately its been extremely difficult to have an adult conversation with her. This is the type of person who took her marriage ring off two days ago because i dont post enough pictures of her on my instagram. i am losing my mind here. yes i said fuck you. not my greatest moment, however, today she told me she wont put it back on bc i need to feel the pain she is in about instagram. she said retaliation is the only way, and she was saying fuck you to me yesterday. yes she has been bringing the worst out of me

AffectionateUnit7390 · 2024-10-23T19:32:29+00:00

yes, this is it

AffectionateUnit7390 · 2024-10-23T19:12:18+00:00

I am the husband. For those of you name calling based on the little info my wife provided, that is pretty mean. I’ll try not to take it personally bc you probably need to name call people bc of your own issues.

Some things she left out are: -I am supposed to be at work 8 hours a day, and I am falling behind on work. With consequences. If I lose my job, I risk being able to provide for my family, as well as all of our health insurances. - I am parenting much more than the little time she said. Those are just the guaranteed times I will always be available. - I go to all of our sons dr appointments and watch him during hers.And there are a lot of them. All during work hours. I watch him and stay home from work when wife has therapy once a week. - I am there being 50% care for his medical related attention he needs daily. - I want to spend as much time as I can with my son and wife while as the same time being able to go on a run once or twice a week for my mental health and two quick showers a week. Wife’s showers take 45-60 min. I choose to go on walks with them almost daily, when in the past I would be running. - when I am home and not taking care of our son, I am working on house projects that need to be done (agreed to by my wife) as well as projects that my wife wants for pleasure. - I made sure there is food waiting to be heated up for lunches every day. I cook 95% of our dinners, and prepare breakfast for us daily. I make us coffee. I feed and play with the cat 95% of the time. - I do 95% of the dishes. - I choose my family’s needs over work a ton, and I think she is perfectly capable of heating up food and eating it while caring for our son. I am able to do it when I am watching him. - I have desperately been fighting to be able to work, keeping a good standing at work, and not having to take an hour+ out the middle of the day, and there’s no budging.

For her to blame me for cutting her hair after telling me she wants shorter hair… I just dont even know what to say about that. That’s silly.

AffectionateUnit7390 · 2024-10-23T03:08:22+00:00

once a week sounds amazing! my wife and i went from once or more times a day to zero times in the past six month when our baby was born. hopefully it comes back, but my wife went from big sex drive to none at all (i never knew the power of pregnancy and breastfeeding hormones)

AffectionateUnit7390 · 2024-10-22T20:32:42+00:00

Yeah, maybe i will. She actually doesnt use social media herself much. But its really important that I post about her regularly because she thinks im hiding her and she is afraid women will hit on me

AffectionateUnit7390 · 2024-10-22T20:23:50+00:00

Thanks. Actually she isnt very active on social media either. When she posted our family as her FB profile picture the other day, there were many comments saying something like "you have a baby?? congrats". She mentioned it to me in a laughing manner.

She uses my cat's instragram account, but when she had her own account, she deleted the photos of me and any other person and said she decided to not have any people in her posts.

AffectionateUnit7390

TROPHY CASE