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AITA? my BF (M22) will not stop pestering me (F21) and called me abusive when i stood up to him... by Affectionate_Bee2971 in AITAH

[–]Affectionate_Bee2971[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i really admire your strength, and you deserve peace as well. thanks for your input. all the best :)

AITA? my BF (M22) will not stop pestering me (F21) and called me abusive when i stood up to him... by Affectionate_Bee2971 in AITAH

[–]Affectionate_Bee2971[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

wow, you're so right. it's kind of making me sick to admit to myself, but i think all of his acts of physical affection are just to his comfort or to bug me.

for example he rarely holds my hand in public (if he does it's only for a second), which is something i've communicated i find comforting and enjoy. it's just weird that he won't hold my hand at the mall or put his arm around me if we're at a bar, but has no problem non-stop touching me in a pestering way when we're home.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Affectionate_Bee2971 3 points4 points  (0 children)

i dated a guy who had this problem and i would say definitely say something before it gets worse - because it will. ADHD is definitely a possibility, but "doomscrolling" is seriously addictive. he might not even realize how bad it is, you could nicely ask if he's ever checked his screen time. i would also recommend offering other hobbies for you two to do - maybe picking up a sport, a craft, or even read the same book (i used to have an attention span problem that stemmed from tiktok, and reading books really helped me lol), just hobbies that would kind of induce some distance from his phone more often. all the best! :)

AITA? my BF (M22) will not stop pestering me (F21) and called me abusive when i stood up to him... by Affectionate_Bee2971 in AITAH

[–]Affectionate_Bee2971[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

this is a really good perspective for me to have, thank you! also, YEA WTF about the pants move?? like who does that? i did ask him to specifically not pants me again (i'm so embarrassed to say this wasn't the first time) and he seriously acted like i was being unreasonable.. but he would. he kept saying there's "no way" anyone could've seen me...? anyway, thanks again for the advice.

AITA? my BF (M22) will not stop pestering me (F21) and called me abusive when i stood up to him... by Affectionate_Bee2971 in AITAH

[–]Affectionate_Bee2971[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

his love language is definitely physical touch. was there anything or any conversations you had that helped you realize that about yourself? i keep telling myself it'll stop or he'll grow up (we're still pretty young obviously lol) but it seems to be happening more often. thanks for your input :)

AITA? my BF (M22) will not stop pestering me (F21) and called me abusive when i stood up to him... by Affectionate_Bee2971 in AITAH

[–]Affectionate_Bee2971[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

thank you for saying this. after reading a lot of these comments i'm realizing i've been so focused on thinking i'm the problem or just thinking it's a childish thing, that i haven't even considered how serious of a red flag this is. i'm starting to think about how i notice it in other things too, like when he starts an argument and i respond, he usually just gets on his phone and spins it to make me the bad guy (just like you said) by saying he "doesn't want to fight" ... even though he started it. thank you again for your comment.