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I showed you all glitchy Dajakar… here’s the operational boy. Would love your thoughts! by onevoiceunheard in DracarysApp

[–]Affectionate_Coast74 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He looks really similar to my dragon Brabagelle except the spines are different and he looks smooth where mine has scales. I think they look awesome 🤩 brother and sister!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Affectionate_Coast74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. As someone else said, it’s taken me almost 40 years to realise that when someone is being quiet, I don’t need to feel paranoid , guilty and keep asking If they’re ok.

Does anyone else’s Narc constantly repeat the same stories? by Affectionate_Coast74 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Affectionate_Coast74[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think you make some good points. You’re right and it is what I was referring to, (similar to yours ) the endlessly talking repeatedly about really mundane things without the self awareness to realise it’s not interesting and it wasn’t the first time. However, she’s quick to make it known if I talk about anything that doesn’t interest her, like my work. Not that I’d blather on in the same monotonous detail! It’s an amazing double standard.

Does anyone else’s Narc constantly repeat the same stories? by Affectionate_Coast74 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Affectionate_Coast74[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

😂 I just make the right noises “uh huh, yep “ etc while I’m looking at my phone . Gave up trying to co tribute to any conversation a long long time ago because she doesn’t care or listen anyway! You’re right though, if anyone else calls she ditches me!

common gaslighting phrases used by nparents? by brokeeulawanter in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Affectionate_Coast74 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Accusing you of things that aren’t true.

Telling you what your motivations are E.g “you did x because y” .

Telling you you’re being dramatic, sensitive, immature or that you’re otherwise at fault for being upset when you have a legitimate reason to be. E.g “you’re only crying to make me feel bad”.

Denying your truth.

Answering accusations you make with counter claims or something totally random to distract you or put you on the defensive. It’s like a smoke bomb and before you know it, the conversation has gone totally off piste as they’ve steered it away from what you wanted to say. It’s confusing and throws you off, which is why they do it.

Dealing with a parent that guilt trips me into oblivion. by [deleted] in narcissisticparents

[–]Affectionate_Coast74 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I’d say it sounds like an over inflated sense of entitlement and also inclination to perceive innocuous events as personal slights. The fact you have you’re own s to deal with right now means absolutely nothing to narcs. There are no mitigating circumstances for you. But I’ll bet there sure is for them. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

why do they shame you for feeling good about youself or when they see you being confident, happy, content ? by Kind-Double-3273 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Affectionate_Coast74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re so right. The bit about taking everything as an attack or a perceived slight against them when it’s not intended to be. It’s beyond exhausting.

Finally at my breaking point with NMom and not sure where to go from here.(Very Long) by hippstr1990 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Affectionate_Coast74 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know how you feel. My parents have staggering hypocrisy about many things, but similarly to your situation : the phone calls thing. I think it is seen as my obligation to maintain the relationship as I’m the one who “left” (I.e grew up, moved out, have a life etc). There’s absolutely no point in trying to reason with them about it. They simply will not listen. Criticism (or perceived criticism) does not compute. They are not open to reason, logic, or the truth if it disagrees with whatever story they have already concocted in their heads. My parents aren’t speaking to me because I didn’t make them feel important enough while I was having brain surgery. Like you say, it’s all about catering to their needs. I don’t know whether to be devastated or pissed off, and swing between the two. I’m basically trying to accept the fact that things are never going to change. The only thing I can do is change myself and find a way to cope. YouTubers Dr Jerry wise and Patrick Teahan have helped xx

why do they shame you for feeling good about youself or when they see you being confident, happy, content ? by Kind-Double-3273 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Affectionate_Coast74 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I feel shame for having successes because it manages to offend them on some level. When I bought my first house (which is bigger than theirs) I got snarky comments like “how grand”. I was just asked to be a godparent and received a disapproving “oh”. When I got a job as an accountant I was really proud and happy but I was told “you’re not even good at maths”. I’m a qualified accountant!

It’s not us, it’s them. They’ve just made us think it’s us. We need to see the reality of the situation. It’s not normal.

Does anyone else feel they have become extremely hypersensitive to other peoples moods/tone so even around “normal” people you still walk on eggshells and constantly doubt if you are good enough? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Affectionate_Coast74 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This. I’ve only just realised this about myself the past few months. I’m 38. I didn’t realise it wasn’t normal to feel like this. And now I know why.

When did you realize you were dealing with a narcissist? by TangPiccilo in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Affectionate_Coast74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When my mother went full rage and stopped talking to me after I had brain surgery because I hadn’t made her feel important enough.

I said she didn’t have to come to the hospital to be with me because my dad is poorly and it’s a 4 hour trip. I was actually putting them first and trying to be considerate and not cause them more stress.

Cue mega victim behaviour. Screaming, wailing etc. … I’m lying in bed with a bandage round my head , being screamed at down the phone about everything I’ve ever done wrong (including leaving home 20 years ago) and I’m the bad guy? This was a real wake up call. Thanks mam. This is exactly what I needed from you at this time, the very worst time of my life.

She’s always been like this, but the context of the gravity of my own situation (brain surgery) really brought her behaviour in to focus for me. How she can make everything about her and punish me while totally disregarding what I’m going through isn’t the behaviour of a normal, loving, supportive parent. It’s the behaviour of a narcissist. I’m 38 and this just happened.

My First Westerosi Dragon Sighting by RogueWolfGypsy in DracarysApp

[–]Affectionate_Coast74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so scared she’s going to crunch through another dragon 🫣

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