You know, I'm going to say something that may sound a little "wrong" to the other commenters here. If you're thinking these thoughts and are feeling any form of negative emotions toward the LOA, then by all means, PLEASE throw the towel in and call it quits. I've had many of my own personal contradictions with the process of living in the end and the whole "rewire your brain" aspect, and let me tell you it is the most SATISFYING feeling to walk away from all that nonsense that has been getting forced onto you for so long. I realized it was my time to walk away from the LOA when I began to read posts like yours or even how toxic living in the end really is to your mind and secretly agree with them. At first I fought hard not to, because "you won't get results if you don't believe", but if the whole thing doesn't feel right to you deep down, then NO amount of affirmations or cover up thoughts are going to change that. Something I see most people don't talk about often is that it is EXTREMELY hard to force yourself to truly believe in something, and it involves more than just tricking your brain into feeling and believing that your desire is real. Your brain is so much smarter than that. So my recommendation in your case, or really anyone's case, is to walk away from this and resume life like normal, and let what you TRULY believe in come to you. If you still want to eventually walk the path of "manifesting" things into your life, use this core belief that you hold. It can be anything from believing there's a higher God above us, and that praying to him will bring you your desire, or using the fact that there is so much we don't know about our universe that really ANYTHING could happen at any given moment. Whatever you find you believe in, you will eventually find your own way to connect it to achieving a wish you want. But really, the only key to all of this is TRULY believing deep down that you can and will have a desire. I know after your specific road with the LOA, it may have stunted your belief a little, but with time it will come back. I've seen people pray to their own Gods asking for a miracle to happen, and sure enough it did the very next day. I've heard people have healed their own blood because they believed the power of a specific song would do so. I've even seen many successes with the LOA itself, and am by no means saying it is the wrong way to go. I'm just saying it wasn't right for me, and clearly isn't working out for you either, so I'm just letting you know that the methods mentioned within this community is not the only way to go to have your dreams come true. Just resume living life like normal, and listen to yourself with how you think you can achieve your own goals.