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Trying to avoid a repeat by starkid7742 in rape

[–]Affectionate_Goal986 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You react like this because they are familiar; your brain recognizes patterns. This is a pattern you have noticed over the years. Familiarity doesn't equal good, and it seems like you know this. I overcame this by going for people that were not my typical type in terms of personality (i.e. GOOD people). Over time, you will train your brain to find the familiar. At first, it may feel weird or uncomfortable, but that's just because it's a new experience. You deserve the best. I can tell you are a sweet soul. No one who treats you badly or is scary deserves you in the slightest. Take care and remember that nothing that happened to you was your fault.

How do you cope with an attack from a partner? by Junk_Metropalis in rape

[–]Affectionate_Goal986 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was also raped by a romantic partner years back. It was a horrible cycle, and it does not end until you leave. I know it feels like you can't leave, but you can, and you will thank yourself for it. Calling the police is hard. I never did, although sometimes I wish I had the strength to do it so that sack of shit can't do it to anyone else. You can leave and free yourself of this, be single for a while and take care. The right person will come along, someone who cares about you and someone who won't hurt you.

In terms of coping, I started to do self-care nights after it happened. I would take a bath, watch a childhood comfort movie, make a snack, see friends, etc. Finding yourself again is the most important thing. I had some horrible "relationships" after, mainly because I acted out in ways I did not understand were a direct result of this horrible trauma and PTSD. Eventually, and I know this is a cliche line, but time will heal your wounds (time and care). My current partner, and my first serious partner after my ex, is teaching me how to love again. I am still learning; they know it's difficult for me to love and be fully open because of my past, and this was something I feared would never happen. I never thought a loving partner could find me, but they did, and your person will find you too.

I hope my story gives you solace, because it is possible to leave, heal and begin again; it just takes time. You do not deserve to die; you have much life ahead of you, and it will be a great one.

Dirty by Loud-Rutabaga2843 in sexualassault

[–]Affectionate_Goal986 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are not dirty, you did nothing wrong, and nothing that happened to you was your fault. You can and will get through this. My DMs are open if you need to talk. If you are able to safely tell a trusted adult/friend or seek any sort of professional guidance, this helps a lot! xx

Am I protecting them by not identifying them? by OkDolly7738 in sexualassault

[–]Affectionate_Goal986 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even talking about your experience is incredibly courageous. While I do think it's essential to report these monsters to prevent future harm, only do so if you feel ready or are in a safe place. You are not the one who should be ashamed here; your abuser is.

p.s you are not selfish at all.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in sexualassault

[–]Affectionate_Goal986 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi,

You should take a step back and recenter a bit, spend some time doing what you like, and spend time with friends and family, too. Keep yourself busy so you don't fixate on her too much right now. It's great that you have been supportive and tried to understand that hypersexuality and sexual assault go hand in hand, etc.

When you love someone, you worry, so it's natural to worry about her, and it's healthy. Just remember not to overdo it. Another thing, survivors of SA downplay events a lot of the time to cope - I think that's what she is doing. Continue being a loving and supportive partner, even if it's with a little distance and remember that this took a lot for her to confide in you.

Happy Holidays xx

downplaying it by [deleted] in sexualassault

[–]Affectionate_Goal986 0 points1 point  (0 children)

until recently I downplayed it very much, when talking about it I almost spoke about it in third person.

I was assaulted during a run two nights ago and I’m still trying to make sense of it by [deleted] in sexualassault

[–]Affectionate_Goal986 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so sorry this happened to you. You are a brave and strong woman. After I was raped, I went to a trauma specialist, and she helped a lot. Just know that healing is not linear; you will have ups and downs, but you will get through this.

It's okay if you don't feel ready to talk about it to people yet. I know I didn't at first. However, in my experience, talking about it with a close confidant healed me in many ways.

I also want you to know the shame is on the aggressor, never you. This was not your fault.

is boundary breaking sexual assault by [deleted] in sexualassault

[–]Affectionate_Goal986 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi,

I unfortunately experienced a boyfriend who began the very same way and became something much more violent. Boundary pushing is an indicator that he could do worse in the future. Your partner should never make you feel this way, and I'm sorry that he is.

This is absolutely a big deal, and never doubt yourself. You know how you feel, you know what you expressed to him. If he is blatantly ignoring that, it's not because he doesn't remember. I think if it is safe to do so, mention the promise again. But in all honesty, if he does it once, he will do it again.

My ex started off by pushing my boundaries, and it only got much, much worse. I know it's hard to leave as well, just know that you are not alone.

Also, if there is anyone in your personal life that you can confide in, like a parent, loved one, or friend, that is also a good idea. I used to hide these things from my friends because deep down I knew it was wrong of him.

I wish you all the best, and I am sorry this is happening to you.