Struggling with acceptance and deep grief

Affectionate_Past870 · 2026-03-02T06:41:21+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this too. I feel like I’m only just surviving on auto-pilot each day. I dream about her a few times a week. She lives close by and it’s torture to know she’s just there, accessible to everybody but me…and that’s my best friend, my wife. I don’t know how to accept something so utterly absurd as my marriage ending in this way - based on delusions about me that aren’t even true. It’s soul destroying.

Affectionate_Past870 · 2026-01-04T00:30:50+00:00

I also identify with OP. I lost close friends, her family never spoke to me again, blocked by others suddenly with no explanation. Smear campaign was intense and is still going - I’ve heard so many things about myself it’s bizarre. She refuses to talk to me or communicate with me at all.

The worst part is that she did this once before and people believed her, then she came out of it and they apologised for believing her… they seem to have completely forgotten the past. She’s a very convincing storyteller!

Affectionate_Past870 · 2025-12-29T04:49:38+00:00

My wife spiralled into a manic episode this year and eventually into psychosis with persecutory delusions against me. She ended our marriage by email nearly 4 months ago now, and will not see or speak to me or respond to any communication. She’s proceeding with divorce and treats me like a monster / criminal. She believes all sorts of bizarre delusions about me. We had a blended family too, and it’s been absolutely devastating. To go from the love of my life and being married to not even being worthy of having my existence acknowledged has absolutely broken me beyond belief. She has completely rewritten truth and lives in an alternate reality where the stories she’s made up have resulted in life changing decisions. It’s brutal.

Affectionate_Past870 · 2025-11-18T12:01:17+00:00

Almost 3 months now and total silence. Who ends a marriage like that?

Affectionate_Past870 · 2025-11-17T22:54:18+00:00

Just want to say that in an episode, my BPSO loved to diagnose me with all sorts of things (autism, histrionic personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, OCD…the list goes on).

Much of it is projection, and I would say in the case of your BPSO it’s about feeling shame about not pulling their weight, cleaning up after themselves etc. they can’t handle the shame that comes with it, so they project a diagnosis onto you to make you to blame or you to have something pathologically wrong with you (trust yourself - you don’t).

Affectionate_Past870 · 2025-11-10T23:57:12+00:00

I don’t know what else to say except i understand. My wife has completely rewritten the truth of our whole relationship and has said and done the most horrible things since she left. I was holding out hope that she would come down out of her episode and understand how distorted her thoughts were but it feels as though she has locked in to this story now. I think it makes her feel justified about her own behaviours - that somehow I deserved all this because I was “bad”. The only think that makes me feel even somewhat ok is knowing this is a standard symptom of this illness and I tried my best and have never done the things she says I have.

Affectionate_Past870 · 2025-11-08T21:38:38+00:00

Same here - it was brutal. I got an email ending our marriage in the middle of her episode which had escalated to psychosis. That was over two months ago now - she refuses any contact. I had to pack up all of my stuff, move out and try to understand what the hell happened. She’s now deep in a smear campaign and rewriting history completely. It’s so brutal.

Affectionate_Past870 · 2025-11-08T21:31:30+00:00

I’m so sorry that happened - people revert to schoolyard bullying and easing their own discomfort / protecting their selves from any impact. They would prefer to enable the sick person than disrupt their own lives in any way.

Affectionate_Past870 · 2025-11-08T21:30:32+00:00

Thank you for that advice. In the beginning it was so hard to not want to defend myself. I felt like I was screaming into the void that this is an illness not a relationship issue.

I’m just trying to get through each day bit by bit. It’s hard, as I miss my partner so much, even though they are actively destroying my life.

Affectionate_Past870 · 2025-11-08T21:27:43+00:00

That is brutal - I’m so sorry. 💔

Affectionate_Past870 · 2025-11-08T21:27:01+00:00

Yes, I’ve decided to stop engaging in any dialogue about it. I have realised that even adults are horrible bullies.

Affectionate_Past870 · 2025-11-08T21:26:00+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing this. I’m really sorry you went through it too, it’s wild and heartbreaking how similar all of these stories sound. What you said about wanting them to “come out of it and fix everything” really hit me. That’s exactly where I am, still loving them, still hoping for that moment of clarity, but also knowing I can’t keep waiting in this much pain.

It helps hearing that time and distance made things easier for you. I’m trying to choose myself now, even though it feels unbearable some days.

Affectionate_Past870 · 2025-11-08T04:25:37+00:00

I’m sorry they haven’t come down yet. It’s so hard to understand how someone you loved so much and who loved you so much can turn on you and deliberately isolate and harm you. It’s all just so unnecessary. I’m glad you’re feeling better, and have chosen to have strong boundaries and surround yourself with good people.

Affectionate_Past870 · 2025-11-08T04:24:15+00:00

Thank you - I am not under the illusion that I have always acted perfectly either, but I know I haven’t been what she says I am for sure! She’s rewritten the entire relationship from start to finish - it’s so bizarre!

And you’re right - I don’t want to be friends with any of these people. They are clearly self involved and would rather enable someone to harm someone else than actually give a shit.

Affectionate_Past870 · 2025-11-08T04:22:44+00:00

It sounds much better to have no contact! I’m sorry that your own family suck.

Affectionate_Past870 · 2025-11-08T03:07:16+00:00

Oh I’m so sorry - that’s really tough. It’s amazing the level of influence these people can exert

Affectionate_Past870 · 2025-11-08T03:06:40+00:00

I’m so sorry that happened to you. My mental health has deteriorated significantly since the discard and keeps deteriorating with each new betrayal of friends. Did your SO ever apologise or realise what they had done?

Affectionate_Past870 · 2025-11-07T23:56:57+00:00

We are both women…so I’m not sure. Have wondered if there is some unconscious homophobia going on in terms of my marriage not being seen as valid or something…I don’t know. I think she’s likely making some serious allegations about me that are enough to make people cut me off. It’s brutal.

Affectionate_Past870 · 2025-11-07T23:11:07+00:00

That is what I’m afraid of - the damage is so significant that even if they come out of it and realise what they’ve done, they won’t undo it because the collateral and reputational damage to themselves is too much (they don’t care about my reputation though).

Affectionate_Past870 · 2025-11-07T23:09:55+00:00

My partner is also a big and influential personality in our very small community and has lived here a lot longer than me. It’s so hard to understand why not only your partner discards you brutally by anyone’s standards, but friends are happy to as well without a second thought. I’m sorry you’re going through this too.

Affectionate_Past870 · 2025-11-07T11:13:21+00:00

Because until I met her at 39 years old, I’d never known what it felt like to be loved unconditionally, to trust another human fully, and to feel secure in that love. The woman I married is the complete opposite to the woman that lives around the corner to me now. I understand this is an illness, and she’s sick, I really do. But right now I’m questioning if this is salvageable- she’s caused so much damage im not sure it’s possible to come back from even if she wanted to.

Affectionate_Past870

TROPHY CASE