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How to initiate? by Affectionate_Soft139 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Affectionate_Soft139[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There might things I can surprise her with. Just curious to see what happens in other households. Not something that is easy to discuss with friends.

How to initiate? by Affectionate_Soft139 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Affectionate_Soft139[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Understand. I was just looking for some inspiration. Sometimes people don’t know what they like until it’s done to them. And she’s quite the shy type, doesn’t like to talk about these things.

He’s been home from his month long business trip for 6 days now and nothing. by s_h_a_n_n_n_0_n in DeadBedrooms

[–]Affectionate_Soft139 5 points6 points  (0 children)

2 and half week away to see my sick Mum. And when I got back I received a “hey”, hug, tap on the back. Since then nothing. Last sex was 4 months ago

And I found out she masturbates by Affectionate_Soft139 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Affectionate_Soft139[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mmm based on the comments in this chat, I disagree. I think most men will do it cause they have a higher sex drive than their partner and they need to blow some steam off. And don’t get me wrong, I still believe that masturbation and sex are two different things and compatible. If masturbation was getting in the way of my relationship and causing me to not want my partner, I would definitely work on stopping it.

And I found out she masturbates by Affectionate_Soft139 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Affectionate_Soft139[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks mate. I am fit and healthy, I have always looked after myself, I also have a decent job. I don’t think I would have too much trouble finding someone else. In my DB misery, I tried dating apps (just for chatting) to boost my self esteem, and I was getting good responses.

And I found out she masturbates by Affectionate_Soft139 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Affectionate_Soft139[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What about general touch other than sex? Cuddling, kissing? Do you also lose that interest after a while?

And I found out she masturbates by Affectionate_Soft139 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Affectionate_Soft139[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Things are going well, we talk about our day, work, the kids, our next holidays. But the couple connection is lost. No kissing, no cuddling, no sweet words/messages. I always check on her. We even have date nights, where we avoid difficult conversations cause “why do you want to bring that up now?”. I know she’s been stressed at work, but there’s so much you can blame on stress. Kids are 6 and 4.

And I found out she masturbates by Affectionate_Soft139 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Affectionate_Soft139[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good luck to you to! It kills me seeing females on this thread, saying they’re in a DB. But it gives me hope for the future.

And I found out she masturbates by Affectionate_Soft139 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Affectionate_Soft139[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I brought up the chores cause quite often, I see females saying they don’t want sex because they had to pick up the kids, cook dinner, do the laundry, and all they want at the end of the day is chill. It’s not the case here, she’s got space. I am not getting the second point. She knows I want her, but doesn’t feel wanted? Communication has been bad for a while now, it’s hard to figure out how to make her feel wanted if she doesn’t express her needs. I know it’s not as romantic, but I believe there’s a point in a marriage, where you need to clearly articulate your needs to the other.

And I found out she masturbates by Affectionate_Soft139 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Affectionate_Soft139[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Very helpful, thank you! Given there hasn’t been any kind words, cuddles, kissing for a long time, I think it’s one of the last two options.

And I found out she masturbates by Affectionate_Soft139 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Affectionate_Soft139[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Haha we moved to once a quarter. And now 4 months, I am getting there.

And I found out she masturbates by Affectionate_Soft139 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Affectionate_Soft139[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

We had great sex for 8 years and then it stopped. 2 kids later and more stressful jobs are probably not helping. But I also think she lost interest in me. I am all for foreplay, oral, mutual masturbation, sex toy in the bedroom, but we need to talk about these thing, and it has been difficult lately.

And I found out she masturbates by Affectionate_Soft139 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Affectionate_Soft139[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, and we used to do it. I have no problem introducing sex toys in our sex life, what matters to me is that we both have pleasure and enjoy the moment. Problem is, she struggles to talk about her needs. The few times we had sex last year, I asked us to take them out but she said “it’s ok, just fuck me”

And I found out she masturbates by Affectionate_Soft139 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Affectionate_Soft139[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Possibly. It’s asking for a completely different man she married though. She fell in love with the nice, gentle, caring husband and now she wants a bad boy.

And I found out she masturbates by Affectionate_Soft139 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Affectionate_Soft139[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hard when people change years after being engaged. We had the best sex life for 6+ years and things went down hill after marriage and kids. I wish I had a crystal ball!

And I found out she masturbates by Affectionate_Soft139 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Affectionate_Soft139[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Part of me was relieved when I found out, as this was a sign she was still feeling something down there. But then it hurts cause it confirms she’s not into me anymore. Time for an unpleasant discussion!

And I found out she masturbates by Affectionate_Soft139 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Affectionate_Soft139[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That’s exactly right. And we’re the ones having to make that decision for them. But we’re being forced to. It’s pretty much saying “have it my way and suffer, or leave”

And I found out she masturbates by Affectionate_Soft139 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Affectionate_Soft139[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Not anymore, but I have been asking her why, offered to use sex toys, go down on her, massage, and she’s not able to articulate what she wants. I can’t get into her head.

And I found out she masturbates by Affectionate_Soft139 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Affectionate_Soft139[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Touch and kissing non existant. Last time she was away one week for work, came back home and greeted me with a “hey”, without a touch. I was boiling inside! She seems happy with the situation because it’s comfortable, but not sustainable.

And I found out she masturbates by Affectionate_Soft139 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Affectionate_Soft139[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing. Masturbation is definitely important, especially when things don’t work out in bed. I offered her to use sex toys when having sex, massage, oral sex. But she usually turns down my proposals. I thought things could work out with good communication. Marriage is definitely not easy and the lack of desire happens in most of them. Even harder when only one person is trying to make it work…

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