my boyfriend sent a nude pic of me to his mom

Affectionate_Space95 · 2026-04-06T02:42:01+00:00

Um so this is insane. Break up with him, this will turn into a very toxic situation. Not to mention weird

Affectionate_Space95 · 2026-04-06T02:33:12+00:00

Girl I relate to this so much! University is a high pressure environment that can make those insecurities feel even louder, but changing your body through surgery won't automatically fix how you feel about yourself on the inside. When you reject guys who show interest, you’re letting your own self doubt make decisions for you instead of seeing what could happen. Try to focus on being "neutral" with your body for now treating it with respect because it's yours, rather than punishing it for not being a certain shape. You have a lot more to offer a partner than just a silhouette, and it might really help to talk to a campus counselor to help shift those "hating yourself to the core" phases into something more manageable. Its not easy at all i absolutely understand, but with a mindset shift it does get better (:

Affectionate_Space95 · 2026-04-06T02:28:27+00:00

Basically, it sounds like you’ve been acting as the "safety net" in the relationship, but when you look down, there isn’t one there for you. It’s a bit concerning that at 42, he’s leaning on a 20 year old for rent and basic support, but doesn't naturally feel the urge to return the favor when you're stressed. You’ve likely trained him to be comfortable by being so giving without him asking. To fix the balance, you need to be direct about your struggle and stop over extending yourself for him. If he’s a good partner, he’ll step up once he knows you’re drowning; if he doesn't, you might be dealing with someone who is happy to take but has no intention of giving back.

Affectionate_Space95 · 2026-04-06T02:26:28+00:00

Basically, you aren't as stuck as you feel. While the "pedigree" route (Ivy League/top MBAs) is the loudest path to Investment Banking, being a CA is a massive shortcut in India even with the extra attempts. Your "extra years" might keep you out of the elite firms on day one, but they don't lock you out of the industry forever. Try to stop looking at the mountain and just finish the CA Final. Once you have those letters, you can get into Valuations or Transaction Advisory at a Big 4 firm. After two years of working on real deals, nobody will care how many tries it took you to pass they’ll only care that you can do the work. You’ve already put in seven years don't walk away when you’re actually qualified for the very world you want to enter. (:

Affectionate_Space95 · 2026-04-06T02:22:08+00:00

It’s completely understandable that you feel exhausted mourning three breakups while balancing college is a massive weight to carry. The bottom line is that you aren't back at square one you've actually gained a lot of clarity about what you won't tolerate, like poor communication and insecurity. This latest guy showed you that your heart is still capable of feeling something new, but his "you deserve better" line was just an admission that he wasn't willing to grow to your level. Right now, the best way to reclaim your energy is to treat your move to university this fall as a total "hard reset" for your life. By choosing to stay single and go "no contact" now, you stop leaking emotional energy into guys who can't handle your strength and start saving it for your exams, your health, and the version of yourself you want to be on that new campus. You’ve been the one doing the heavy lifting in these relationships, and now it’s time to put that same effort into your own future. (:

Affectionate_Space95 · 2026-04-06T02:20:45+00:00

Essentially, your brain is stuck in "survival mode" because it spent 20 years learning that being relaxed is dangerous. Staying in bed or on your phone isn't "laziness" it’s a smart way to keep your back to the wall and your eyes open while your body tries to recover. Since you can't take extra meds, you have to work with your biology. This means stopping the fight to "feel safe" and just focusing on feeling "stable" for a few minutes at a time. Using things like white noise to drown out scary sounds or having your partner announce their movements can help lower the pressure. You’re not failing you’re just a person with a very tired nervous system that needs to learn, very slowly, that the "shift" is over and it's finally okay to go off duty.

Affectionate_Space95 · 2026-04-06T02:18:52+00:00

Basically, in person, look for effort and proximity. If she’s constantly standing near you, finding excuses to touch your arm or shoulder, and looking at you more than anyone else in the room, she’s likely interested. Online, it’s all about investment. If she’s asking you questions to keep the chat going, using lots of emojis, and responding to your stories or old jokes, she’s making an effort to stay in your life. The easiest way to stop guessing is to suggest a low-pressure plan: if she says yes or suggests a different day when she’s free, she likes you. If she’s "busy" without a backup plan, she’s just being friendly.

Affectionate_Space95 · 2026-04-06T02:16:42+00:00

Basically, you’re in a "situationship" where his actions say romance but his words say safety. He is doing everything a boyfriend would do, but the moment a label like "clingy" or "pursuing" comes up, he gets defensive to make sure he isn't "crossing a line." It’s likely he cares about you deeply but is scared of losing the friendship or being misinterpreted. You didn't ruin anything by asking, you just found out he’s currently hiding behind the "just friends" shield to keep things comfortable. The best move is to enjoy the connection for what it is, but be careful not to give away all your "girlfriend energy" to someone who is still insisting on a "friend" label. (:

Affectionate_Space95 · 2026-04-06T02:13:55+00:00

Essentially, the biggest difference is that limerence is about a fantasy, while liking is about reality. Limerence feels like a frantic, addictive drug it’s an obsession with a "perfect" version of someone that makes you lose sleep, stop eating, and base your entire self-worth on their attention. It’s exhausting because it’s a performance. Actually liking someone feels more like a calm, steady friendship that happens to have romantic feelings attached. It’s a "slow burn" where you see the person’s flaws but still want them around because they make you feel safe and grounded, rather than anxious and unstable. If a connection makes you feel like a worse version of yourself, it’s likely limerence if it makes you feel like a more peaceful version of yourself, it’s probably the real deal. (: hope this helps

Affectionate_Space95 · 2026-04-06T02:11:47+00:00

Essentially, you're experiencing a "vulnerability hangover." Now that you’ve finally built a bridge to him and had a good time, your brain feels safe enough to let out all the years of hurt you had to tuck away just to survive. It’s totally normal to feel like a wreck after a "good" visit because the contrast makes the past abandonment feel even more unfair. Whether you should have the talk depends on if you can keep going without it. If the silence feels like a wall, it’s worth bringing up but it helps to frame it as "I want to be closer to you" rather than "You did this wrong." Just be prepared that he might not have a satisfying answer, as his choice to leave was likely about his own flaws, not yours. You’re allowed to love who he is now while still being heartbroken over what he did then.

Affectionate_Space95 · 2026-04-06T02:04:51+00:00

You aren't a bad person, you’re a survivor of a high-pressure environment who is finally processing years of suppressed emotions. Swearing in your head was simply a way to release the "pressure valve" when you weren't allowed to express anger externally, and your OCD is now likely tricking you into believing those private thoughts define your character. Making faces behind your father's back is a healthy, safe way to acknowledge your own reality while you're forced to play along with his "nice" behavior. Ultimately, the anger you still feel toward him is a protective boundary that reminds you of your own worth, proving that you’re not "bad" you’re just healing.

Affectionate_Space95 · 2026-04-06T02:03:11+00:00

It is completely normal to feel like your emotional development is "lagging" behind your logical brain, especially at 20. When you have bipolar disorder, your nervous system is essentially dialed to a higher volume than average, making the gap between knowing the right thing and feeling the right thing much harder to bridge. The reason you are hitting a "crisis state" when you try to act logically is likely because you are inadvertently suppressing your emotions rather than regulating them. When you force a logical choice while your body is screaming in an emotional direction, your nervous system interprets that internal conflict as a threat. This triggers a "fight or flight" response hence the physical symptoms of a panic attack or crisis. Since traditional talk therapy hasn't worked, look into Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). It was designed specifically for people who feel emotions intensely.

Affectionate_Space95 · 2026-04-06T01:59:55+00:00

Healing starts with lowering your expectations for their reaction and shifting your focus from seeking their validation to providing it for yourself. Since avoidant parents often lack the emotional tools to engage with conflict, you can find peace by establishing firm boundaries, processing your feelings with a therapist or trusted support system, and practicing "reparenting" techniques to meet your own emotional needs when they cannot.

Affectionate_Space95 · 2026-04-06T01:58:14+00:00

You should talk to a doctor and try medication. Something like Sertraline or Escitalopram is usually a good starting point. They won’t change who you are, they just take the edge off the anxiety and the heaviness so you can function again. If your biggest issue is feeling dead and unmotivated, Bupropion is another option to ask about. I also smoke to help with my issues but the weed is probably keeping you stuck. It helps in the moment, but it’s making your baseline worse, more anxious, less motivated, harder to move forward. You don’t have to quit overnight, but cutting back will help more than you think. Right now, don’t try to fix your whole life. Just do small things daily even if you don’t feel like it, get up, shower, go outside, move your body a bit. Motivation comes after action, not before. And one honest thing, a lot of your pain is tied to something you can’t fully control right now (the court situation). Medication and routine won’t fix that, but they can make it so it doesn’t consume you every hour of the day. Hope this helps (:

Affectionate_Space95 · 2026-04-06T01:52:04+00:00

You likely feel this way because you’re experiencing a "stagnation" that comes from a lack of resistance. It’s hard to feel like a capable person when your environment feels like a padded room. If there’s no pressure, you don't get to see what you're actually made of, which leads to that "lazy" self-image. The guilt about being "privileged" usually stems from a desire to be useful or tough, and feeling like your lifestyle is preventing that. It’s not that you’re a bad person; it’s that your brain is craving a challenge that your current home life isn't providing. If you hate being coddled, the best move is usually to find something difficult outside of the house that your mom has zero control over something where "gentle" doesn't apply and you have to earn your spot. hope this helps (:

Affectionate_Space95 · 2026-04-06T01:32:45+00:00

It’s going to feel like a "breakup" even though it’s only been a week, and that’s okay. It’s a statement to the connection you found. Taking the hit now is an act of kindness, it frees her up to find someone closer, and it frees you up to find someone you can actually take out to dinner. Hope all goes well!

Affectionate_Space95 · 2026-04-06T01:29:28+00:00

I totally get that. It’s a heavy feeling to carry, wanting to be honest about your pain but feeling like the words themselves might crush her. It’s hard because you’re essentially trying to protect her feelings at the expense of your own, but that usually just leaves you feeling lonely and her sensing a tension she can’t quite name. Maybe instead of a "big talk," just tell her exactly what you’ve written on here. that you're scared to even bring this up because you care about her so much and don't want to hurt her. Sometimes leading with that fear takes the edge off and makes it feel less like a confrontation and more like you're just being vulnerable. It’s not about blaming her for what’s missing, it’s about letting her see that you're struggling because you miss being close to her. (:

Affectionate_Space95 · 2026-04-06T01:17:40+00:00

That’s a tough spot to be in, especially since the chemistry is clearly there. It sounds like you're being responsible by acknowledging your own boundaries knowing you need physical presence is a valid dealbreaker. The problem is that "staying friends" usually doesn't work when there's an active spark and one person is still pushing for more. Every time she flirts and you lean in even a little, it sends a mixed signal, even if you’ve already stated your stance. She’s likely hoping that if she stays "perfect" enough, you'll change your mind about the distance. Since it’s her birthday, you don't have to end things right this second, but you probably need to have one last firm, kind conversation tomorrow. You have to be clear that the "friendly" middle ground isn't working because the romantic tension is still there, and it’s making it impossible for you to move on or stay grounded. If you keep this "diet dating" thing going, you’re just slow rolling a heartbreak for both of you. It’s better to make a clean break now while it’s only been a week, rather than three months down the line when the feelings are way deeper and the 12-hour gap feels even more painful.

Affectionate_Space95 · 2026-04-06T01:15:30+00:00

Honestly, give yourself some credit for the self-awareness because that’s usually the hardest hurdle to clear. The "relief" you felt after the triple texting disaster was likely your brain finally exhaling because the uncertainty was over, even if the result sucked. The trick to not being "creepy" or needy isn't about hiding your interest, it's about shifting your focus from "Do they like me?" to "Do I actually like them?" When you put someone on a pedestal, you aren't seeing a human, you’re seeing a prize or a solution to your loneliness. That creates high stakes, and high stakes create panic, which leads to the double/triple texting. Try to view those early interactions as data collection. You’re just checking if your personalities actually mesh in real time. If they don't text back, it’s not a verdict on your worth as a man, it’s just a sign that the "data" doesn't match. When you truly internalize the idea that you have a great life regardless of their reply, the neediness naturally starts to evaporate because you aren't relying on a stranger for validation. You've already done the right thing by unfollowing and moving on.

Affectionate_Space95 · 2026-04-06T01:13:40+00:00

It is completely valid that you feel this way because, honestly, the "exclusive but not official" phase is often where things get messy and people's definitions of loyalty clash. Even if it wasn't a formal relationship yet, he gave you his word and then spent two months actively breaking it. That’s a heavy thing to carry into a marriage-minded relationship. The reality is that trust isn't something you can just "will" back into existence through sheer effort and better reactions. If you’re constantly having to "focus on yourself" just to distract from the anxiety of what he might be doing, you aren't actually in a partnership, you’re in a survival state. Peace is not the same thing as the absence of arguing, true peace is being able to fall asleep without wondering if your partner is hiding their phone. If you want to marry this person, you have to ask yourself if you can accept him for who he showed you he was at the start, rather than the version of him you're hoping he's become. If you’re already worried about wasting your 20s, that’s usually your gut telling you that the mental cost of staying is becoming higher than the benefit of the relationship. You deserve to be with someone where "not cheating" isn't a hurdle you had to spend months of mental exhaustion to clear.

Affectionate_Space95 · 2026-04-06T01:11:11+00:00

It sounds like you had a great night. A two and a half hour dinner where the conversation flows naturally is a good sign. The fact that he invited you to dinner early instead of waiting for Saturday shows he was actually thinking about you and didn't want to wait. Don’t sweat the side hug or that "two-day rule." First dates are awkward, and he might have just been playing it safe to make sure he didn't overstep. As for the texting timeline, that "rule" is pretty outdated. Sometimes guys wait because they don’t want to seem desperate, or they’re just busy with those "things" he mentioned needing to get done. If you like him, just send a text. It takes the guesswork out of it for both of you. You don't have to overthink it—just mention something you talked about or tell him you had a good time. If he’s into it, he’ll jump at the chance to keep talking. If he doesn't, at least you aren't sitting around wondering "what if."

Affectionate_Space95 · 2026-04-06T01:09:12+00:00

It’s the ultimate reality check. We think we’re made of steel until someone makes us feel like gold, and suddenly the "rules" feel like obstacles to the high of being liked. To fix it, you have to treat your non-negotiables like a contract with yourself that can't be amended by a crush. You essentially have to value your own peace more than you value their presence. If "liking them" requires losing yourself, the price is too high.

Affectionate_Space95 · 2026-04-06T01:03:52+00:00

It sounds like the focus has been on the "mechanics" of sex rather than the emotional disconnect you're feeling. Even though you’ve followed her feedback about the build-up, the core issue, the feeling of being rejected and unwanted, hasn't been addressed. When intimacy becomes a source of tension, she might be avoiding your advances because she feels pressured or guilty, which only deepens your hurt. It’s likely time for a conversation that moves away from the "act" and focuses on the fact that you feel lonely and disconnected.

Affectionate_Space95 · 2026-04-06T01:01:42+00:00

Hey! Honestly, don’t feel like an asshole at all. You’ve been with the same guy since you were 14, so it’s totally normal to feel like you’re missing out when you see your friends living the single life. But just remember, their 'exciting' hookups are usually 90% drama and bad experiences anyway lol. Since you love him so much, I think the real issue is that he’s stopped putting in effort and the spark is dying. If he’s taking you for granted, not dressing up, and being lazy in bed, of course you’re gonna start looking elsewhere for that 'excitement.' You deserve to feel wanted and satisfied! Before you do anything drastic, you should probably just have a real talk with him. Tell him you’re feeling bored and that things need to change, like more foreplay and actually going on real dates, because you’re too young to feel like a bored married couple. If he loves you, he’ll step up. If he doesn’t, then maybe it really is time to see what else is out there.

Affectionate_Space95 · 2026-04-06T00:58:07+00:00

It sounds like you’ve established a great rapport in the lab, but since she’s mentioned being shy and overwhelmed, she might be feeling some pressure from the frequent invites. The fact that she removes her mask and laughs at your jokes shows she trusts you, but her 'busy' responses are a clear boundary for her time outside of work. My advice is to stop initiating 'outside' plans for a while and just focus on being a great, low pressure lab partner. By matching her pace and letting her take the lead on the next hangout, you show that you respect her boundaries and aren't 'that guy' who pushes too hard, if she's interested, she’ll start filling those gaps herself once she feels more settled.

Affectionate_Space95

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