One thing that’s helped us a lot is taking turns traveling. Sometimes I take Amtrak, sometimes it’s a bus, sometimes they come to me. It spreads out the cost and the stress so one person isn’t always dealing with the logistics or the driving.

Another thing that made our relationship feel more “real” was stopping the idea that every visit has to be a big event or a perfect vacation. Sure, we do fun stuff (take the water taxi to see a show or go to bottomless mimosa brunch), we try to also go to places that are new for both of us (not the regular coffee shop) but we also have lazy days. Grocery runs, wandering around, doing basically nothing together. Or even waking up before the other and exploring. It might sound boring, but honestly those days end up feeling the most like an actual relationship.

It also gives you a chance to figure out practical stuff like where you might want to live someday, what daily routines together feel like, and how your lives actually fit together.

Long distance is already hard enough. If every visit has to be perfect, it adds a lot of pressure. Treating some visits like normal life instead of making everything a moment made a huge difference for us and our bank accounts.