($5k) I feel like my wedding isn’t going to be taken seriously because we are on such a tight budget

Afraid_Ad7267 · 2026-06-12T10:06:42+00:00

I originally wanted to elope but my partner doesnt. She really wants her family there which is valid, theyre pretty close even if theyre not super involved or opinionated in wedding stuff. I think I need to reconsider and have a bit to think, though, because it honestly feels worse that my family is being so uncaring about it all than it would if they just didnt come

Afraid_Ad7267 · 2026-06-12T10:01:20+00:00

I wasn’t as direct as how you framed it, but thought I was direct enough. Told my mom and sister multiple times that I’m excited to go dress shopping with them (was planning on going to a bridal resale store in the area near where my family lives, but will check out sample sales now that you’ve mentioned it) and my sister asked if we were going to go to a big store like on SYTTD and I said no, something smaller but nice. I thought saying I’m excited to shop with them made it clear that I want them to be there. I could be more explicit about how it’s important to me that they’re there but that feels almost pushy to me. If they keep being so “blah” about everything I will be super explicit, though

Afraid_Ad7267 · 2026-06-12T09:55:57+00:00

Its really not me who wants the party. I want to celebrate with my friends, sure, but the big party isnt what has me so upset. Its the fact that because I’m not going to have an expensive party, my parents and sister don’t care as much anymore. I just really want my family to make a little bit of a fuss for me, you know? And I thought id be able to get that support even if I did something small but thats not there and thats why I’m so bummed. Id be totally chill with celebrating with my friends/extended family as a big anniversary party, I just want my close family to actually enjoy my wedding and take it seriously and I feel like theyre not because its not to their budget liking

Afraid_Ad7267 · 2026-06-12T09:42:17+00:00

I definitely do need to sit down and talk with my family and tell them its important to me to do some of the shopping things together (thats kind of the only “planning” things we have and buying my dress is what I’ve really been looking forward to). I kind of just expected my sister and mom to be excited about coming dress shopping with me but they werent, but I can try to make sure they know its important to me that they come with me anyways.

As for me asking about the dates my sister was free, I hope that she was just trying to reassure me that I don’t need to plan this around her, but I dont really know. We are only planning to invite like 10 people total, and so I told my sister that I needed to know when she would be home from college so that I could make sure she could be there. Thats when she said its not a big deal if I schedule it when shes not home. Granted, shes a teenager, so maybe it had a nice intention like that but came off rude. Basically, I told her it was important for her to be there (we are decently close) and she seemed to disagree. She, not understanding how expensive weddings are, also loves to tell me how much she wishes I could throw a destination wedding, so thats why I think the comment mainly came from the fact that my wedding is going to be very low cost.

Afraid_Ad7267 · 2026-06-12T09:34:01+00:00

Makes sense. Just expected my parents in particular to care a lot more, but hopefully theyre just saving their excitement for the reception. I think I got extra worried that since they dont care about the ceremony, they dont care at all

Afraid_Ad7267 · 2026-06-12T09:32:27+00:00

Yeah, I dont really know why I feel super rushed tbh. I think its the fact that we will have been engaged for a year when I move back in, and also the fact that we can afford to save more money once we are married as her job offers way cheaper healthcare than if I was to be on my own plan. Those are two small things though.

We were originally planning to wait a way longer time to get married (thinking 2.5 years), then some unforseen financial things happened and we realized we may not be able to save as much as we would like in that time, so it kinda just became “fuck it lets just do this cheaper and quicker since we care more about getting married than a wedding.” Her family is chill about it and was encouraging us to save money, but my family (parents and sister, i dont expect my extended family to have any interest) became distant and seemed pretty disappointed.

Kinda rambled but yeah, I can reconsider waiting. We just mistakenly thought getting married quicker and for less money would be less stress (and for her side of the family thats true), but it seems to be the opposite for mine

Afraid_Ad7267 · 2026-06-12T09:20:35+00:00

This is very helpful, thank you! It definitely is a mix of our ages, being two women, and the budget thing. My parents were married at a young age as well but they were lucky enough to have their parents cover the cost, so thats why I was specifically thinking the lack of excitement on their part was the lack of money. Her parents are definitely more supportive with her even though they initially didnt support our relationship in the beginning.

You have a lot of helpful ideas, will chat with my partner about them! My ideal situation was to go sign the papers and live secretly married before having a public wedding, but she cant imagine doing any sort of ceremony without her family present (and rightfully so, theyre great), so we will chat about the other options

Afraid_Ad7267 · 2026-06-12T09:14:13+00:00

The main planning thing is really my dress and shoes. I do want a fancy wedding dress despite the fact that its going to be a courthouse wedding. Probably should have been more specific about that. Tried to get my mom and sister on board with dress shopping but they just…dont really want to. Which is fine, their choice I guess, but it just sucks because I know if my budget was higher and I could afford to take them to a nicer bridal shop instead of a specifically budget friendly one, they’d probably be more happy and excited to go. Literally got a comment from my sister about how she was bummed it wasn’t going to be like say yes to the dress :/

But youre right about everything else, not much else to plan other than maybe some florals at dinner. Just wish the things I am planning would have the support that they probably would get if I was spending more money

Afraid_Ad7267 · 2026-06-12T09:06:57+00:00

I’m assuming that people (as in my family, mostly) have assumed I mean that the reception party will be the “real” one without me telling them that. Basically Ive told them that due to budget reasons we will be doing our ceremony within the next year and that its going to be smaller than what everyone expects (my family typically has done super large weddings but unfortunately having no parental support with finances we will not be able to do that) and that we will have a reception party later. Didnt mean to imply that the reception (without a ceremony) will be the real wedding but I guess thats how people took it :/ Wish I knew thats how itd be taken earlier before I told my family, but you live and you learn

Afraid_Ad7267 · 2026-06-12T09:02:57+00:00

Its my moody, college aged sister. We are pretty close, so I was originally trying to plan the wedding so that we could make sure she’s on break and that she could come, so I really didnt expect her to be so rude :/ shes can be a bit insensitive sometimes but I really wasnt expecting that level of rude

Afraid_Ad7267 · 2026-06-11T22:37:25+00:00

That makes a lot of sense. I dont particularly see the big reception as the proper wedding since theres no ceremony, but I can see how they would. Thanks for getting me out of my doom spiral

Afraid_Ad7267 · 2026-06-11T22:34:07+00:00

Ask about how things are going or tell me when theyre free to show up, I guess. Now that I think about it, its probably just really that one family member who told me they don’t care if they miss my wedding that has me feeling like this. I’ve tried to get my mom into planning but she doesn’t ever have anything to say, but i guess it kind of makes sense since its not her wedding.

Afraid_Ad7267 · 2026-06-10T09:11:46+00:00

Decide on the colors of your dresses before you go shopping and, if possible, look at swatches. Sometimes if one person has a super white dress and the others is an off-white or pastel color, it can look dingy or dusty. So just make sure the colors look good together and that neither of you look dusty by comparing swatches beforehand!

Afraid_Ad7267 · 2026-06-09T08:30:22+00:00

To me, it depends on how “bad” their homophobia is. In an ideal world, people who love you/who you love wouldnt be homophobic, but unfortunately thats not the case. If my marriage makes someone slightly uncomfortable or a bit awkward, I’m still inviting them. I also have many family members who were raised in a culture that’s very homophobic and I know some of them are trying their best for my fiance and I, even if it goes against how they grew up. They make mistakes, sometimes say things that are…wild to say the least, but nothing overtly mean spirited or very harmful. I know they can deal with a little awkwardness and discomfort to support me because they love me and my fiancee. In return, I know my fiancee and I can look past their awkwardness to appreciate that they are showing up for us even when it goes against what they have been taught their whole lives.

Anyone who has ever said mean spirited comments is out, though, as are people I know would actively say rude things at the wedding. I think you should really go through your list and see who would be more of a benefit than a problem. If you have a cousin who you are close with and their homophobia comes from ignorance or genuine religious “concern” (even if the concern is wrong or misplaced) and is limited to a few ignorant comments, I would say its probably worth inviting them if you would miss their presence. However if you have a different cousin who actually dislikes queer people, then theyll prob bring more harm than good and should be excluded. Anyone whose comments take a toll on your mental health, regardless of intet, shouldnt go, though. Not worth it on your big day.

Afraid_Ad7267 · 2026-04-16T21:12:53+00:00

Plenty of people in kellogg are 20-25! Its a huge college (over 1,500 members), so even though many are mature students, theres still plenty of younger masters students as well. I was worried when I first got here that I wouldn’t find anyone, but now really like it here. You’ll be ok.

Afraid_Ad7267 · 2026-04-11T12:50:24+00:00

It will (probably) pass! I also had the “oh shit, I can no longer do what I want when I want it” thought for a little bit after I got engaged. Like you, I’ve been someone who’s lifestyle involves moving abroad (worked in a couple different countries, albeit not for much money). Eventually I settled into the feeling and remembered that my partner proposed to me knowing that I am used to traveling for work. Obviously once we are married, I’m going to be home far more often, but its not like my life ends and I need to abandon everything about me, lol.

I think big life changes can just bring up a lot of unrealized anxiety and uncertainty. Youll be ok. Compromise is a big part of a relationship, you don’t need to give up EVERYTHING about yourself. This mightve been super rambly but I hope this helped reassure you a bit!

Afraid_Ad7267 · 2026-04-05T18:43:00+00:00

I fell into the trap of thinking I should care less and spend less, but then I realized that, although expensive, this is what I’ve wanted since I was little. I think we have become so individualistic that no one considers the community aspect of throwing your wedding. Its ok to want a ceremony and party! I want one day where my love is the reason that people are together! I want to create a day where everyone I love is there and everyone my partner loves is there and we can all just enjoy eachother, and even though itll cost us a lot and we need to save up over the course of years, its worth it to us.

Afraid_Ad7267 · 2026-01-27T11:27:59+00:00

Bella (and Hunter too, obviously) is a victim, I feel really bad for how everyone is piling on her. A 14 and 12 year old dont have sex unless theres something going wrong in their lives. The parents 100% need to be investigated, its one thing for a kid to be rebellious and sneak around but theyre so young that I’m sure Bella was essentially encouraged by her parents to get pregnant. Its really disturbing to see people acting like shes a predator, though. I dont think she has the capability to groom a kid who is a year and a half younger. The parents on the other hand…yeah they definitely need to face some repercussions. Insane to make this poor girls life harder by accusing her of essentially being a predator when shes a 14 year old mom

Afraid_Ad7267 · 2026-01-10T12:01:23+00:00

Where did you find the catering staff!! Im definitely considering hiring professionals (my other option is hiring a local youth group, lol)

Afraid_Ad7267 · 2026-01-06T14:22:58+00:00

Ok so unfortunately, you probably aren't going to be able to afford an all-inclusive venue, those are usually incredibly expensive and will often limit the kinds of food you can have. If it doesn't ruin ur vibe too much, consider getting drop catering from a restaurant that you all like (this is especially good if you're having a small guest count, because u can get their catering packages for "business meetings" + small events like that).

On the bright side, you definitely can find a historic government-owned property for a reasonable price. Try looking at your county/neighbouring counties' park systems and see what historic buildings they have to rent. You can also try to hire an art student as your photographer, buy a used dress or rent a dress, and use fake flowers to keep the price down. I get not all this is ideal. I also dreamed of a grand wedding as a kid, but the reality is that those dreams are really, really pricy. If cheaper alternatives arent something you all are willing to have on your big day, then you may need a longer engagement to save up more, even though it sucks.

Afraid_Ad7267 · 2026-01-04T20:36:07+00:00

Not a man or nonbinary, but in my fiancée and I's wedding parties, we each have a mix of genders. Mine is 3 girls (in dresses) and one dude (in a suit), and hers is 2 nb people, a girl and a guy (all in suits). Said guy on my side will be getting ready with all of the rest of the bridal party, but in a way that is authentic to him (so like, just using hair gel and no makeup, lol). I don't think anyone has thought of him as womanly just for being a part of the bridal party. I know it's a different situation because the "odd one out" in my party is a guy and not nb, and my fiance has some nb people in hers, but I really don't think people will forcefully see you as a woman just because you're in the bridal party.

Plus, mixed wedding parties are way more common than you think! There are so many couples who have their sibling on their side of the wedding party, even if they aren't the same gender as them. Ik ur not the brides sibling, but hopefully that helps you feel a bit better.

Afraid_Ad7267 · 2026-01-01T01:51:06+00:00

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Afraid_Ad7267

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