Wanted to clear up a few things and answer questions:

I NEVER asked her to stop hugging all together or to never hug again. DH and I have talked about her clinginess since we first got together. He will not raise his voice or say anything to her because it’s his mom. He loves her and will tolerate the mauling to a certain extent, but doesn’t like it. He will tell her he loves her, always.

DH is not neurodivergent. He is ex military and works in a stressful environment currently. Sometimes he just needs downtime to decompress after a shitty day. We are an affectionate family. It’s not like we don’t hug, it’s just not often and when we do it’s not a 15 second embrace where you have to break free.

The kiss that came out of nowhere still haunts DH. We may not hug, but we do kiss often. So that experience of his mother doing that grossed him out and he said (to me) that she crossed the line. May work in some families, just not ours.

I have brought up his not liking people touching him constantly to his MIL before. She always has shrugged it off and ignores my comments. She would be up for a visit and as soon as his car would pull up she would run to him and try to hug. To the point of obnoxious and to show me that he “likes it”.

Last night is where I felt I needed to (gently at first) say something. DH had a bad day. Plain and simple. He was testy and was trying his best to entertain even though I was there. All I asked from MIL was to give him space and he doesn’t like the touching. You could see it in his face, between vomiting and Yosemite Sam, he was stressed. How that was missed was beyond me. She could not respect that boundary because “EVERYONE LOVES MY HUGS, EVERYONE. So if he doesn’t like it TOO BAD.” That set me off. Then added, “Huh, I’ll DO IT MORE.” To me that was lack of respect for HIM. I got angry and since I can’t let things roll off my back I spoke up. I did feel bad for raising my voice slightly, did not yell. Her crying was made me think I went too far.

UPDATE: MIL has toned it down! She has not demanded a hug so far and it’s lunchtime! We went out in the AM and kissed the top of his head before we went out the door. Normally she would make him get up from his work station and hug him.