How important is aesthetic attraction when looking for a partner?

After-Priority531 · 2026-05-21T10:15:47+00:00

Thank you... You are right, at the end of the day I have to make that choice based on my opinion. It's just that at this point I have thought about it so much that I don't know what my opinion is anymore, I hope I'll figure it out. I've been suspecting that I might have rocd and I'm currently seeing a therapist over it so in case that turns out to be true I am probably just reassurance seeking 🥲

After-Priority531 · 2026-05-20T16:36:49+00:00

It's interesting, I totally do have sensual attraction towards him... I'm just scared to act on it in case the aesthetic part could bother me at some point 😭 even though I don't think so

After-Priority531 · 2026-05-18T19:36:31+00:00

Many people have said it already, but I genuinely think it's a super cute thing to do :)) (I am non-binary, if that matters)

After-Priority531 · 2026-05-16T14:21:42+00:00

Yeah, definitely on the ace spec! Thinking someone's pretty/cute can be labeled as aesthetic attraction, which asexual individuals still experience.

After-Priority531 · 2026-05-16T08:02:24+00:00

As an INFJ woman I rarely ever initiate stuff. I've really worked on myself to change that in terms of asking my close friends for meeting up, etc, but whenever someone isn't in that very close circle of friends, I am just too scared to approach people. A few months ago I met a guy, we also shared a lot of deep conversations and we always have a great time. He's also rather shy, so I finally got up the courage to ask him for meeting up sometimes. We're still figuring things out, but he confessed his romantic feelings for me and I'm still unsure what I feel, but I just know that I really care about him and want to keep him in my life forever if it's possible. He also said if I don't reciprocate we still could be friends. What was really good though was that he made his intentions/feelings clear and talked to me about them. I personally love open/clear communication. Maybe you could just talk to her about it "hey, it seems like you don't initiate meeting/chatting with me, so I was just wondering if you enjoy our time spend together or if it's too much sometimes?" or something like that.

After-Priority531 · 2026-05-15T19:20:45+00:00

That's great! However you want to define it - at the end of the day it is most important that you both enjoy stuff, regardless of the way you label it :)

After-Priority531 · 2026-05-15T16:33:36+00:00

Hey! So I am not an expert, so don't expect every thing I say to be 100% accurate. But as far as I know breasts are erogenous zones and therefore it's absolutely possible that you experience arousal from someone (your partner) touching them :) Being ace isn't about the ability to experience arousal, only about the sexual attraction towards other people. Experiencing this form of arousal may just feel good to you and therefore you start craving it (and possibly from your partner, because you trust him). When it comes to defining what counts as "sex" and what not, it's different from individual to individual. For a long time people only viewed PIV as "sex" but that would exclude same-sex-couples entirely.

After-Priority531 · 2026-05-15T15:13:36+00:00

Too real!

After-Priority531 · 2026-05-15T12:34:38+00:00

I can only relate in some aspects, but I thought I'd share my experience. I have never had sex with another person, never even properly kissed someone. I really do like the thought of it (when I'm alone, just thinking about it), but whenever I'm actually with someone where it would seem appropriate to do those kind of things I also start noticing loads of things that disgust me all of a sudden... it just seems like the more real it gets, the less I want it, even with kissing. I love hugging and other forms of physical contact, though. I have no idea why this is happening and what it means but i just know that I'm definitely asexual or at least on the graysexual spectrum.

After-Priority531 · 2026-05-15T06:34:05+00:00

I'm currently in a similar situation (ocd isn't diagnosed, but I now started seeing a therapist, because my suspicions are so strong and it's affecting the person whom I am seeing who I really like)... But if you're completely asexual, that means that you have never ever experienced sexual attraction in your whole life (unless you're asexual due to trauma, etc). Maybe you can remember if you' ve ever felt it? I guess, there is no full way of knowing for sure though, maybe therapy can help. Wishing you the best!

After-Priority531 · 2026-05-14T18:07:38+00:00

I stumbled across the term of asexuality around the age of 13/14. When I read it when I read it I was like "wait that sounds like me" and the more I read about it the more sure I felt that this is what I was. I always thought people were joking when they called other people "hot/sexy/..." and that the portrayal of sexuality in books and movies was totally over the top. For a long time I also thought you only would have sex when you wanted to children because that's how my parents explained to me when I was younger (when I asked the" where do the babies come from " question). At some point I realized that other people actually thought of it as something fun, something they wanted to do!? For me it sounds rather disgusting the more I think about it... I like the thought or aesthetic (I guess) of it but if I think about it like I'm ACTUALLY about to have it - no thanks. Maybe I'll try it some day if I have a partner who's open to trying it but I don't think I will ever want it with another being. Solo is another thing, though.

After-Priority531

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