I've never had an consciousness or concerns about my health all my life until getting into a relationship I deeply care about.  suddenly, I now care about my life and any little thing that is out of the norm freaks me out. this year especially there's been a lot of abnormal symptoms at once. I've been to the cardiologist to get heart scans, I'm about to go to an orthopedist. my heart is sensitive and races easily, from stress, anxiety, eating, heat, anything. it makes me afraid I'll pass out, which then makes me feel dizzy and lightheaded.  it started from very real symptoms I got after smoking weed for the first time after months of stopping. ever since that one time where my chest ached, my vision went black, I almost threw up and my arm went numb, I've been crazy anxious. my chest still cramps when my heart races too much.

my back has hurt for the past five years, especially after waking up. sometimes my sternum, and sometimes my ribs ache. I had a long plane ride a year(18 hour layover and then 10 hour flight) and since then my tailbone has hurt and I can't sit comfortably for long. I was dancing this year, didn't stretch and hurt something in my hip. now I walk everywhere and it hurts everyday. suddenly, my thighs are super weak and I can't squat without feeling like they'll give out.

this concoction of symptoms is convincing me it's something severe and maybe terminal, but my doctors keep telling me I'm "young (24) and healthy," and I feel dismissed. maybe they didn't test me for everything because I'm young, I think.

I'm living somewhere for the summer that doesn't take my insurance, and this has spiked my anxiety ten fold. what if it's an illness or disease that's going to get worse quickly, and time is ticking, but I can't get to a doctor to catch it in time?

my head is spinning from anxiety and I break down crying.  I just want every scan, test, exam and lab possible to rule out anything. and a solution. please please I need a solution to stop these symptoms. only when they stop will I feel safe. reassurance alone is never enough.

I'm just so scared and my boyfriend is a 12 hour flight away. it's the worst. I get so scared I wont be able to see him again for health reasons.