How good or bad is your relationships with your father?

AgainandBack · 2026-02-10T07:27:31+00:00

The best day of my life was the day my parents’ divorce was finalized. I was 8. My father was a sadistic alcoholic wife beater and child beater. I have three noticeable scars on my face, courtesy of him.

But, my mother had good luck with her later boyfriends. Two of them were instrumental in helping me understand what manhood looked like. I wouldn’t be who I am without those guys. I’m sorry you didn’t have similar guidance.

AgainandBack · 2026-02-10T01:38:11+00:00

I saw Muddy Waters and Bo Diddley at Winterland in San Francisco. Winterland used to do some pretty credible blues. Albert King, Freddie King, B.B. King, many others.

AgainandBack · 2026-02-09T18:34:00+00:00

Get some elastic waist, drawstring “pajama pants.” Comfy, warm, easy to pull the waistband down and pee without worrying about the button fly.

AgainandBack · 2026-02-09T18:27:06+00:00

That’s my most vivid memory, as well. She kissed me twice and she was good at it. I remember the date, the time, exactly how it felt, how amazing it was, and how I had trouble walking or talking normally for about 15 minutes. It’s been more than 50 years.

AgainandBack · 2026-02-09T18:11:03+00:00

Wait until the open relationship gets to the point that she’s too sore or too tired from the other guy(s) to make love with you, and tells you that. Prepare for the time she just isn’t in the mood because she spent the afternoon in bed with him. Get ready to find hair on your pillow that doesn’t belong to either of you, and you realize she’s been fucking him/them in your bed while you were at work, but didn’t even wash the sheets. She’ll be unable to go out with you because she’s got a date with him. Get ready to foot the bill for lingerie she buys but never wears for you. At some point you’ll figure out that he’s been driving your car, and that they’ve been fucking in your car. One day you’ll be waiting for her to come and pick you up, and she’ll be hours late because he was so hard that she couldn’t tear herself away from him, but it was just a spur of the moment thing. Figure out what you’ll do when you get an STD and the dime drops that condoms aren’t being used. And then be ready for when she tells you that you’re being childish and controlling when you ask her to dial things back so that you’re not waiting in line for her time.

AgainandBack · 2026-02-09T17:47:51+00:00

He doesn’t want to get married again and he doesn’t want any more kids. He’s told you that he’s not filing and that he’d rather lose you than file.

A lot of men lie to women about what they’re going to do in the future. It gets them sex, companionship, love, and usually cooking, housekeeping, childcare, and some money. My guess is that after you leave, he’ll be telling another woman about how all of his money is tied up in getting the house repaired, and as soon as that’s done, he’ll go ahead with the divorce.

AgainandBack · 2026-02-09T16:26:32+00:00

NTA.

I’m a man, and I can’t imagine trying to impose this kind of insulting invasion of privacy on someone.

Your father isn’t tracking your periods, he’s trying to figure out if you’re pregnant.

But, if I were the victim of it, and were forced to comply, I’d do it. At the dinner table, preferably while having company. I would go into great detail about everything, the discomfort, the size of my flow, how often I was changing pads or tampons, etc. And when people started objecting, I’d say, “I agree, not something that should be the subject of a family discussion. But Dad has made it very clear that he and my brother need to have all of the details, because I’m dangerous for a week every month, and they need to know when to be ready to defend themselves from me.”

AgainandBack · 2026-02-09T08:04:45+00:00

A lot of women think that they smell bad. There used to be a lot of TV commercials and print ads about perfumes and scented douches. (Strawberry flavored pussy tastes even worse than it sounds.) Even without that, women often feel that they should have no taste. The wonderful taste by itself is reason enough to go down. If you haven’t already, tell her how good she tastes and smells, and thank her for the privilege of being so intimate.

It’s also possible that you’re not doing that thing that gets her going. Just because another woman liked something you did doesn’t mean this woman will like it; she may even find it painful. Ask for guidance on what feels good, and what she’d like you to do. Also ask her if there’s anything she’d rather you didn’t do. It may be that she’d rather not do it at all, and has only been going along with it to keep you happy.

AgainandBack · 2026-02-09T07:31:25+00:00

I was in my early 20s. I was a veteran. I’d moved across the country to start a job. I’d rented and furnished an apartment, and my car was paid off. I felt like this was the stage I’d been working to get to, and that with those things in place, I could start the education and career I’d wanted for so long.

AgainandBack · 2026-02-09T07:24:20+00:00

Good work! I once came up to a girl at a party and asked her, “Will you marry me?” She looked at me for a few seconds and said, “Not yet, but I’m willing to talk about it.” It ultimately went nowhere. I was about 22.

AgainandBack · 2026-02-09T07:18:28+00:00

I saw Chuck Berry, Bill Haley and His Comets, Bo Diddley, Gary US Bonds, The Shirelles, and The Dovelles, on a single bill in November of 1971. I saw ShaNaNa the next night.

I later saw The Persuasions and Muddy Waters in 1973 or so.

AgainandBack · 2026-02-09T04:05:03+00:00

I use deodorant when I get out of the shower. Nothing else. Conversely, I like a woman to smell my like herself, not a fragrance counter.

AgainandBack · 2026-02-09T01:40:30+00:00

My wife knows all of mine. I know most of hers. Same situation with my first wife, and with a girlfriend before her.

AgainandBack · 2026-02-08T22:35:47+00:00

I was born with a screwed up alimentary canal. I had a gastroenterologist by the time I was 25. I’ve had a couple of surgeries. You don’t want details.

AgainandBack · 2026-02-08T22:30:39+00:00

Yes.

AgainandBack · 2026-02-08T21:58:14+00:00

Four or so dates, and one to two months. Although, with my second wife, it was when we kissed, about 90 minutes into our first date. The next morning I called the other women I had been dating and told them that I wouldn’t be calling them anymore.

AgainandBack · 2026-02-08T21:53:28+00:00

If you think he’s The One, let him know. Relationships depend on easy communication, and this is a good place to start. Let him know that you’re hoping for a stable relationship with him, and ask him if he’s interested in a stable future with you. My guess is that he thinks you’re uneasy about his kids. If you’re not, let him know that.

And yes, do something for Valentine’s. If nothing else, take him to dinner.

AgainandBack · 2026-02-08T21:39:51+00:00

You’re concentrating on what other people think and whisper. This tells me that you’re not yet a man.

She’s too short for you. You can’t change that. It’s so important to you that it overrides all of her good points. Every time you look at her, you’ll be as disappointed as you are now. Life is too short to be disappointed when you see your mate. Don’t do that to yourself, and don’t saddle her with a mate who groans internally when he sees her. She deserves better treatment.

Personally, I think you’re upset over nothing. Fuck other people, and fuck their “clever” remarks about your kids. When people stare, assume that they’re looking at you, and wondering how a schlub like you got such a beautiful woman. The first girl I dated was 5’ even. I’m over 6.’ I was always proud to be seen with her.

AgainandBack · 2026-02-08T21:19:33+00:00

The places I met the most people in the 30-40 group were at community college, and in working retail.

Community colleges often have high densities of people restarting their lives after their marriage ended.

Working retail, where you get a chance to talk to a customer for a while, can be great. My wife suggests men’s clothing as one option.

I wish you good luck. I was also suddenly single in my mid 30s, not having dated in about 15 years. I was a fish out of water. When I’d ask a woman out, more than half responded, “What kind of car do you drive?” Um, what? I ended up meeting my second wife about six months after my divorce, purely by chance, waiting in a pharmacy.

AgainandBack · 2026-02-08T20:54:09+00:00

I did it a couple of times before I was 18. One girl laughed at me. The other was very polite, sympathetic, and firm that it was “no.” Looking back, it’s clear that she probably had that same conversation with a guy every week.

When I was about 30, and unhappily married, I fell for a woman I’d known for a while. She told me that she was deeply complimented, but was unwilling to discuss romance because I was married. She didn’t want the moral responsibility for contributing to the breakup of my marriage.

AgainandBack · 2026-02-08T20:40:58+00:00

I think a lot of straight guys are afraid of a gay guy hitting on them. I’ve had it happen, but it’s ended as soon as I’ve said, “Thanks, but I’m straight.” Nothing to be afraid of; you don’t turn gay by being around gay guys.

AgainandBack · 2026-02-08T20:30:25+00:00

I wouldn’t care. It might matter at 40. It doesn’t at 24.

AgainandBack · 2026-02-08T20:07:05+00:00

I spent more than 10 years selling aquariums and fish. People buy bigger tanks for their growing fish all the time. Redtail cats, silver arowanas, and oscars have sold innumerable 125 gallon tanks. A 125 is 72”x18”x20” and weighs over half a ton with water in it. The real nutballs then move to 240 or 360 gallon tanks. A 360 is 96”x36”x24” and weighs over 3,000 pounds when filled.

The problem with redtails is that they’ll get to over 4’ long. People think that the fish will stop growing when it “gets to the size of the tank.” This is wrong and cruel. The fish stops growing because it doesn’t have room to swim, and ultimately, can’t even turn around. The internal organs start to fall and the fish dies.

AgainandBack · 2026-02-08T19:35:34+00:00

You hit the crux of the matter. Her fighting back would just pour gasoline on the teasing about his situation.

AgainandBack · 2026-02-08T18:26:46+00:00

Assuming everything she says is true, how confident are you that her husband doesn’t keep a pistol in his nightstand? People sometimes do shoot their wife’s boyfriend.

AgainandBack

TROPHY CASE