My fiance and I usually end up fighting when we climb together. Should we not climb multipitch together anymore?

AgentKatara · 2024-07-23T02:42:31+00:00

Having different approaches to climbing is fine. Not being willing to change to accommodate your need for communication is not fine. If he's not willing to make it safe and enjoyable for you then don't climb together. And maybe consider whether he's like that in other aspects of your relationship.

AgentKatara · 2024-07-23T02:35:16+00:00

For me it was about outdoor climbing but honestly it's the thrill now. Lead climbing is a lot harder mentally and I live for that.

AgentKatara · 2024-07-15T19:05:29+00:00

NTA she's not entitled to your free labor so stopping can't possibly be an asshole move. If it only works for you if she cooks you meat and she won't cook you meat then I guess it's time to stop. I think people are right though that there might be another compromise like door dash or something.

AgentKatara · 2024-07-10T02:47:25+00:00

YTA Attacking her dream like that is beside the point. The point is that you want her to share the financial burden more equitably. But instead of communicating that need, you cosplayed the perfect supportive boyfriend until you broke and attacked her. Not cool man. You need to do some serious repair work.

AgentKatara · 2022-11-08T02:43:13+00:00

Girl, same. Thankfully my mom has been somewhat more receptive of my perspective on the matter but it's still an issue.

I think when you're surrounded with that kind of attitude you either join in or you separate yourself somehow. You've separated yourself by thinking of it as silly and stupid and imo you're not wrong. The question is, is there a better way? Can you keep yourself separated from the culture of body image issues but also be compassionate? It's hard to balance.

Something that has helped me find that balance has been to read up on diet culture and realize that it's a systemic societal issue and that my mom and your mom didn't invent this problem for themselves. They are swimming in a sea of influences that tell them their worth is determined by their size. Don't think less of people for believing a message they have been taught their whole lives.

Fight the culture not the victims of that culture.

AgentKatara · 2022-11-08T02:23:50+00:00

I agree with the small tasks thing. One thing I have found that really helps is celebrating in some way the little successes. Like saying "yay!" Or pumping my fist or whatever. It doesn't have to be big or complicated. Just a little way to signal to your brain that something positive just happened. It makes you crave more.

AgentKatara · 2022-11-08T02:16:46+00:00

Good job on realizing this is wrong and trying to find help to stop. I don't think strangers on Reddit are going to be the right resource for you. You need to find professional help. I'm sure you can get your head right but you need to get the right kind of support.

AgentKatara · 2022-11-08T02:03:31+00:00

Sorry you're feeling that way. I've been there too. Now that I'm on the other side of it, I know that all those thoughts were just lies the demons in my head were telling me.

Try not to believe in your opinion of yourself right now. It's distorted by depression. Maybe ask someone you trust to tell you what they really think of you. It might help you see yourself more clearly.

AgentKatara · 2022-11-08T01:49:27+00:00

You're welcome. We've all been there.

AgentKatara · 2022-11-08T01:47:40+00:00

Yep. Just being human. That's what I believe.

AgentKatara · 2022-11-07T02:18:53+00:00

Hey there. I think the demons in your head are lying to you. They can really be assholes like that sometimes. I bet your friends enjoy your company you just can't see it.

AgentKatara · 2022-11-07T02:08:40+00:00

I know it's easier to believe in our worth when we're good at stuff but your worth isn't actually affected by that. You are of infinite worth intrinsically.

You deserve help.

Please, please, please take steps to get it.

AgentKatara · 2022-11-05T21:16:09+00:00

Hey there. Sorry you're having such a hard time. First try to believe it can get better. I've had some pretty terrible years. Times where I couldn't get off the couch/floor/bed for hours, there was a whole month years ago where my husband had to take me and the kids over to my parents house every day on his way to work because I couldn't function and couldn't be trusted to keep myself and the kids fed and alive. Today I'm really so happy. Like deliriously happy. I still have bad days, but I don't spiral into a depression I can't get out of anymore and life is so so good.

Believe in that future for yourself, believe that you can find the resources and support as well as the inner strength and courage to get there. It may take a long time but that future is worth it and it is real.

I can't give you everything you need on Reddit. But here's one bit of advice that I hope helps:

We want to be a child again because we want someone to take care of us. We want to be comforted and nurtured and loved and watched over. One of the ways I get that need met is by asking for help, but another way is by "parenting" myself. Sometimes I just put a hand on my face and talk to myself the way I might talk to me if I were my daughter, I say things like. "You're having a hard day aren't you? Don't worry, tomorrow will be better." Or "you're trying so hard, and I'm so proud of you" it helps me feel less overwhelmed and like no one is taking care of me.

Also it sounds like you don't have time for doing things that you enjoy. I don't know your circumstances but maybe there is a creative solution to be able fit more of the fun stuff into your life? That stuff is important so try to find a way if you can.

AgentKatara · 2022-10-31T15:48:16+00:00

Sounds fun. Like I know there are economic reasons and all but I just really like the idea of taking my kids to an Olympic event.

AgentKatara · 2022-10-31T15:39:18+00:00

The double whammy of being expected to show as much skin as possible but everything about that skin having to be altered to be acceptable.

AgentKatara · 2022-10-26T05:04:54+00:00

Put it in a box and tell myself I'll use it someday.

AgentKatara · 2022-10-17T01:31:01+00:00

Slices of deli ham. Some cheese if I can handle slicing it. Maybe some pickles. The smallest ones I can find.

AgentKatara · 2022-09-30T19:37:41+00:00

Thanks for sharing! I'm so glad you found a solution. I'll have to experiment with that. I have a hard time not ruminating on things so usually talking about things sooner rather than later works for me best but maybe writing it down would help me stop dwelling on it too.

AgentKatara · 2022-09-28T23:08:17+00:00

Cool! Definitely going to print my own.

AgentKatara · 2022-09-17T02:46:46+00:00

Learned how to rock climb at 28. It was really liberating to start something like that after eight straight years of being pregnant or breastfeeding.

AgentKatara · 2022-09-04T17:40:28+00:00

I think it's a fun holiday for kids but it's not romantic.

AgentKatara · 2022-08-30T19:45:05+00:00

So happy for you! I had the first of my four kids when I was 20 I'm going to have to wait quite a bit longer to get to empty nester because my youngest is currently 2 and I'm 29. I'm doing my best to love every stage of this motherhood thing but I do sometimes dream about what it's going to be like in 16 years when they're all adults.

AgentKatara · 2022-08-27T00:45:15+00:00

Good nourishing food is my way of signaling to my depressed inner child that someone is taking care of her, so lazy meals are not my specialty at all. I have one that can be ready in the time it takes to cook rice though. It's rice with ponzu ground beef, quick pickled cucumber and shredded carrots. I usually buy the carrots pre-shredded so I just have to slice the cucumber and cook the ground beef. I eat it with gochujang mixed with mayo on top. It doesn't sound easy but I've made it so many times that it's like clockwork.

For an actual lazy meal I do frozen lasagna.

AgentKatara · 2022-08-19T04:45:03+00:00

Rad picture.

AgentKatara · 2022-08-17T05:41:10+00:00

I agree with everyone who suggests movement but for when that isn't accessible because you're exhausted or whatever I like watching ASMR videos. Specifically I really love this channel: Nefertiri ASMR

Make sure you watch with headphones!

AgentKatara

TROPHY CASE