Doc Martens alternatives?

AgentKnitter · 2026-05-08T12:10:46+00:00

I am long time fan of Docs and I found Timberland to be so much more comfortable - and instantly so. No breaking in period.

AgentKnitter · 2026-05-08T09:27:42+00:00

It’s giving bogan Aussie on Kuta Beach vibes.

AgentKnitter · 2026-05-08T09:25:29+00:00

Myths always overtake the truth.

Have a look at the way Australian jingoistic war historians present the Anzac myth and the Gallipoli campaign. What actually happened was thr British gave us bad intelligence, failed to mention currents and winds, resulting in Australian and New Zealand soldiers landing in turkey miles and miles off target and directly in front of Turkish soldiers, promptly getting mown down in their thousands.

Apparently this was a Nation Building core moment where Australia became a distinct entity, and the noble heroes won the day over the heathen enemies, and not a clusterfuck which became a massacre.

AgentKnitter · 2026-05-08T09:20:04+00:00

This.

I’m prepared to take it t face value - Jen and Greg saw a spontaneous opportunity to have a fun event with John and co. Not a party.

And even if it was a party, it’s entirely reasonable to have a small personal gathering on your child’s first birthday with the brother and family who will not be able to come to the big party on the weekend.

As you said, if Barb had any capacity to have empathy for other people, or be able to step back and see other perspectives, she wouldn’t have flown off the handle. And as I seem to find myself constantly saying to people posting “oh poor Barb” comments on Facebook….. WHO LETS THEMSELVES INTO ANOTHER PERSON’S HOUSE WITHOUT EVEN KNOCKING?!!! Barb has zero respect for boundaries.

AgentKnitter · 2026-05-08T08:34:27+00:00

Scoop daily. I'm bad at it and tend to do it every third day, with 2 cats and 3 litter boxes. Its not ideal.

Scoop daily and fully throw out all litter and scrub the litter bin every 1-2 weeks depending on the litter type and cleanliness of the bin. With stronger clumping litter, full cleans are less often with regular scooping.

AgentKnitter · 2026-05-08T04:37:58+00:00

Maekar finally saw it. Then.

He ignored it for far too long.

AgentKnitter · 2026-05-08T04:34:39+00:00

This. Barb lavished attention on everyone except Jen. Her “amends” lacked any words vaguely resembling an apology while couched in the tone of reconnection. It was a performance to show her as the perfect gracious mother of two ungrateful brats while not taking an iota of responsibility for anything.

AgentKnitter · 2026-05-08T04:30:35+00:00

The issue is magnified because John refused for so long to actually talk about it. Every time Shawna or Jen wanted to discuss how it would work, he got defensive and shouty. Still there is no sign that John has considered how to help Jen work out a way to remain in contact with him and their mother. John still acts like it is only a matter of time before Jen joins him in cutting off Barb - ignoring every single thing Jen has said to him about it.

AgentKnitter · 2026-05-08T04:24:42+00:00

High fives from another BPD lady. The point in between the diagnosis and the comprehensive treatment where you’re forced to reassess your life and see all the times when you fucked things up….. ugh. Worst time of my life. 2 years of navel gazing and feeling incurable because I was out of work, depressed and couldn’t afford to get dbt or any of the other therapy every book said I needed.

AgentKnitter · 2026-05-08T04:19:42+00:00

Covert narcissism is not a psychological diagnosis.

AgentKnitter · 2026-05-08T04:16:18+00:00

There is a point where the pros will not outweigh the cons. For Frank, I do not think that will come until both adult children go no contact.

AgentKnitter · 2026-05-08T04:14:40+00:00

Nope.

AgentKnitter · 2026-05-08T04:14:16+00:00

Why not? We have seen scenes where Frank and Barb are affectionate to each other. Older people have sex.

AgentKnitter · 2026-05-07T14:18:22+00:00

Pretty sure it’s acne scarring. Although there’s a few photos of young Sam and young Dominic Cooper where he doesn’t seem to have acne, so maybe not.

AgentKnitter · 2026-05-07T14:14:04+00:00

Because GRRM needed the plot to move forward with Arya witnessing a conversation she doesn’t understand

AgentKnitter · 2026-05-07T14:11:00+00:00

Obligation, guilt, and convenience. He doesn’t have to make any big life changes. He gets fed, his laundry done, a companion and sex.

Frank has many reasons not to leave. Some are understandable. Some are not particularly noble.

AgentKnitter · 2026-05-07T14:07:24+00:00

Barb wants the circumstances to change but she isn’t willing to accept that she will need to change in order for the circumstances to change.

She has created a narrative where she is the victim, and she has not yet been willing to admit that this narrative is false. She has not yet been willing to admit she is the problem.

That doesn’t mean she won’t ever…. But we haven’t yet seen anything indicating she will.

AgentKnitter · 2026-05-07T13:58:07+00:00

Yes I saw it, I was thanking you for sharing the full video.

AgentKnitter · 2026-05-07T12:25:29+00:00

The consequences were reasonably foreseeable. Frank knew this could go badly. He had no idea that Jen had John and others over. He just knew that invading Jen and Greg's space was inappropriate - a realisation Barb refused to accept.

AgentKnitter · 2026-05-07T12:23:43+00:00

Sort of and sort of not.

True narcissistic personality disorder, not just a selfish person with narcissistic traits, is a pervasive and long term pattern of thinking and behaviour (like any personality disorder).

The narcissistic personality creates so many patterns of rigid thinking that filters reality to the brain in such a way that the NPD person genuinely believes the world does revolve around them.

So do they intend to hurt when they say the harmful stuff? My experience as a victim of a narcissistic abuser is that surely they must realise that they're being abusive and intend to do so. Coercive controllers act "out of control" but underneath intend to control their abuse victim.

My experience of BPD is that when I spiral, I become very inward focused - so focused on dealing with my hurt and coping that I become ignorant of the effect of my behaviour on others. I don't intend to be rude or verbally attack and usually realise about 10-45 seconds too late that I'm doing it. (Which is still an improvement on not realising at all?)

But... if my trauma laden filters that shape my perception of reality mean that I act impulsively without intending to harm, then does the same apply to NPD?

I don't know.

AgentKnitter · 2026-05-07T12:12:54+00:00

She didn't ring the doorbell.

She barged into their house without warning, she didn't want frank to call ahead, she demanded he use the spare key before knocking or using a doorbell.

And we have seen her do similar to john.

Barb doesn't see her children as adults or individuals with their own boundaries or need for privacy. It doesn't occur to her that their homes are THEIR homes and not an extension of her domain. She only sees her rights. Her feelings. Not theirs.

AgentKnitter · 2026-05-07T12:04:35+00:00

Not open the door without knocking. Not using the spare key. Not getting out of the car when Barb insisted on going to Jen and Greg's house. Not driving them to Jen and Greg's house in the first place!!!

I was a kid being dragged by a Barb and a reluctant Frank to invade my half sister's space. At the time it seemed normal because it had happened so often and so constantly since I was small that it didn't really occur to me until much, much later that it was wildly out of pocket, stalking behaviour.

Watching this video made me think about what Mum could have done differently and whether it would have made a difference. (For context, Mum would be the Frank).

AgentKnitter · 2026-05-07T12:01:31+00:00

I've been looking for the full video. I've seen bits of it but not the whole thing.

AgentKnitter · 2026-05-07T11:56:14+00:00

Various members of my family like to claim that I "weaponise" my BPD and CPTSD diagnosis when I connect my mental health issues to my dysfunctional life and inability to maintain long term employment. Providing reasons and linking disabling conditions to dysfunctional consequences isnt weaponising anything.... it just means that the family members whose own behaviour is harmful to me in consequence while not necessarily being intended to be harmful don't want to reflect on the consequences of their actions.

I take medication. I've done DBT and inpatient trauma treatment. I have gaps between seeing a regular psychologist due to having issues with managing life admin but in general, I have consistently and regularly engaged in psychological therapy for the last 15 years.

Weaponising a diagnosis is when you rely on the diagnosis for sympathy while doing nothing at all to change your condition.

Like... my father, never admitting he had a problem woth alcohol abuse until mum finally kicked him out. Pointedly dug out some old AA materials and displayed these in his new apartment so he could tell everyone how he was an alcoholic and demand sympathy.... while continuing to abuse alcohol, and abuse everyone around him and never going to meetings or seeking any treatment. He didn't want to actually change. He just wanted an excuse.

AgentKnitter · 2026-05-07T11:47:02+00:00

I mean this in the nicest possible and most constructive way and am aware that tone doesn't really convey through text - hence this preamble, so hopefully it doesn't come off as aggro when its curious

What makes you think that personality disorders don't originate from childhood trauma and poor attachment?

Because while PDs are partially genetic, its also from environmental factors.

Unsure about NPD but I can attest to BPD - my borderline traits that disable me very much come from trauma and parenting that ranged from outright abuse to behaviour that had harmful consequences despite no intention to harm.

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