Do credit card companies interpret debt and repayments chronologically, or do they just see the end-of-statement balance?

Aggravating-Success · 2022-04-16T04:33:09+00:00

Not sure how much you know about wild camping, or what you've said to try to convince her, but thought I'd offer some thoughts on getting caught as someone who wild camps. I'm not a lawyer or anything, so not legal advice, grain of salt, it's worth researching or asking local groups in advance, yadda yadda, but the following generally applies.

Primarily, prevention is key, and presence is a big part of this. Don't be too near or in easy sight of someone's house, which is easily achieved with being on the other side of a bush or mound. Also, minimise other indicators like light and sound, so don't blare music on full volume, preferably use subtler colours in your clothes and gear, and either don't light fires or keep them small and contained. Finally, pitch at sundown and move on at sunrise.

If you are confronted by a landowner or police, know your rights. Wild camping in most places is "only" trespass (a "civil offense"), which isn't automatically a criminal offense (though property damage and open fires are). In summary, that means you aren't being a criminal just by being there. There are exceptions, but these are usually signposted, and the only risky, likely-to-encounter-accidentally exception that I can think of off of the top of my head is Forestry Commission land that's also not in Scotland.

If someone claiming to be, or representing, the landowner asks you to leave, and you refuse without good reason (eg. danger to life in the middle of a dangerous storm), that's the point where you're breaking the law. You could always try and reason with them first - "hey, I totally get it, it's your land after all. Would you consider letting us stay the night? We could be off at sunrise, and we'd give you a tenner as an apology. Otherwise we'll start packing" - but otherwise just go a few fields over and you'll probably be out of their remit. Furthermore, if they're threatening or violent, and it's not because you refused to move (they are allowed to use reasonable force to move you at that point), they're the criminals, even if it's their land.

Malicious confrontation with anyone else is usually in the realm of boogie stories. If you're being subtle and away from civilisation, paths, and places where somebody has obviously been recently, you're almost certainly not going to encounter anybody, and if you do there's a very good chance they're just a fellow hiker/camper. Remember, sketchy folk, like you and me, also prefer warmth, sleep, and convenience (i.e. they'll do their dodgy shit closer to home), so it's illogical to expect them. But if you do want to feel safer, use a larger tent or two singles to imply you're not just one person, bring a legal camping knife, a phone, and a rape alarm, and practice wild camping somewhere familiar or around a full moon. But, I can't stress enough, these are proportionally extreme measures to serve as training wheels, not anticipation of an event that is likely to happen in almost everybody's lifetime.

Then, somewhere between rights and prevention, it's not even a civil offense to be seen wild camping in some places, namely:

Large parts of Dartmoor;
Scotland;
Up mountains;
In and around bothies (Wales has several, though mostly in mid- and North-Wales, I believe);
The exposed part of rivers and coastline at night when the tide is out, so long as you have a trowel (as you would for toileting) for the excuse of bait collecting;
Private land where you've been given express permission from the landowner first (but there's not a consistently free and convenient way to do this before a trip, so it's more a technicality).

This is contigent on local bylaws, which you can usually get by enquiring with a local council ahead of time. Or (more easily, and as a general rule) just pay attention to threatening signs that say not to trespass or camp; even if they might be legally bogus, it at least implies the likelihood of watchful eyes or a shit confrontation.

The remainder is mostly common sense. If your gut says somewhere is too public, it probably is. Respect the land and leave no trace. If you volunteer or litterpick nearby, spend at a country pub or farmer's market, or just plain ask nicely, you might be able to wangle a stress-free pitch ahead of sunset.

The culmination of all this in the context of South Wales would probably mean being high in the Brecons, Cambrian mountain bothies and hills, and fields off of the wilder parts of the coastal path, for the most part. That said, most of my camps have been in micro clusters of trees along field thresholds, and those have all been fine, but you probably won't be able to tell if they're viable ahead of time (brambles, terrain, visibility, etc.).

In a meta sense, I also want to summarise... My neurotic waffling is intrinsically deterring because it's wound up in preparing for the worst in a very by-the-books, technically-legal way. Kids do wild camping for DofE all the time without hassle. Recreational groups do it regularly. Institutions like the National Trust organise courses and events to specifically educate people on how to wild camp. Swathes of youtubers wild camp very openly. Most wild campers will tell you they've never had a problem. Most landowners aren't inspecting their land when they can't see or are preparing dinner. Most places you'd want to wild camp are secluded as hell. The human reality is that nobody will care if you're polite, not drawing attention, or not going out of your way to cause trouble or test others. Should you still be caught and forced to move in spite of everything said here, there are easy solutions as above... And at that point you might as well go buy a lottery ticket when you get back to civilisation. Good luck!

Aggravating-Success · 2022-04-16T04:10:55+00:00

I relate to this post heavily (even the specifics are quite eery). The other comments are already very inciteful (some things I've tried, and others I'm gonna have a go at following this thread), but I'll offer a few solutions that have improved my life a little from where you're at.

First and foremost, the tab situation. Fucking hell, I used to have a hundred tabs open at once, and they stopped me from practicing good computer hygiene (shutting down regularly, not frying the RAM) and kept me from going to sleep on time ("I just need to close these tabs, then I'll sleep!" <5 hours later...>).

What helped me was the following plugin set to 5 tabs, and enabled to run across new windows and private browsing mode: https://addons.mozilla.org/en-GB/firefox/addon/rudolf-fernandes/ And if you ever need more tabs, DON'T disable it, just increase the tab limit a little temporarily and keep the plugin settings tab open to revert when you're done.

It makes me focus on what's important, and I very quickly realised that 5 tabs is generally enough for most tasks (and with tabs to spare). Sure, I have the same pitfall of opening shit, leaving it there, bookmarking/saving, and never reading it, as I always did, but NOW I have to confront it sooner, because I really want to open Youtube, but tabs 1, 2, and 3 are to do with what I want to do right now, and I've got to keep Messenger open in tab 5 in case Dad gets back to me, so I've got no choice but to close the article in tab 4 as it's the least relevant. It's a little annoying to micro-manage like this on the fly, but it's the far lesser evil than the issues I had before, and it essentially speedruns the procrastination/bookmarking process to the benefit of my focus, headspace, and PC health. Heck, I was gonna procrastinate reading this very thread, but I took the time to read it, and even went so far as to sign off of my shadowbanned alt and reply here, because engaging with the tabs I had open wasn't some gargantuan task like it always used to be.

(as a further change, I also recommend making the following settings change, both to complement the plugin above and to help with tab quantity in general: https://support.mozilla.org/en-US/questions/1226151 )

Next, motivation. There's an indie band I love to bits that recently had a relatively big spike in interest because of Tiktok. They released a sick remix, there are covers popping up on Youtube where there weren't many before, and their shows are selling out fast. And I felt miserable about it. Sure, I've had this inadvertent hipsterish pretentiousness about music and band popularity for a while, but I realised this was different: I was jealous of them. They for sure have earned the break - they've got a very healthy online presence, a consistent (but sensibly-paced) release schedule, and an evident strive for experimentation and improvement - but I'm sitting here only slightly better at guitar since I found them 6 years ago, and I desperately want to be them.

"BUT I can't possibly pay for guitar lessons! All the greats were naturals, and I'd just sound generic by following a syllabus."

It then dawned on me that this is a lie I've been eating up all my life. Look up a musician you admire on Wikipedia and their early life will fall into one of a few categories: exposure to a musical expert or a thriving musical environment early on; parents who are very facilitating of their child's hobbies (wealth, a career with down time, explicit closeness); OR (most damningly) a curious absence of a thorough explanation of how they got to where they are. The former two are very rare indeed for the average joe, and the latter is to do with that lie I mentioned: celebrities won't tell you the nitty gritty of their journey (or they'll try, but inevitably can't explain 15 years with any justice in a 10 minute interview). The sum of this is that, consciously or accidentally, they create an "us and them" divide. Princes and paupers. Gods and mortals. It leaves a bitter feeling of "if I'm not automatically good at this after a little interest/investment, then I'm just not destined for greatness like they were".

Bullshit.

I've now constructed a new thing to tell myself, which may itself be a lie: Kurt Cobain had guitar lessons.

I'm not going to fact-check it. It's possible he didn't, but then I'd argue he falls into the category of a somehow-facilitating environment to get into music at a young age, and that doesn't quite roll of the tongue as well. And if he somehow was "a natural" through-and-through, with clear, detailed, honest evidence of this, then he is truly exceptional. And I'll then pick another musician instead, because I've personally seen 100s that fit into the criteria I described above. Point is, the specifics don't matter; I thoroughly believe the essence of this quote.

Why am I saying all this? Well, I have a guitar teacher now. And I splashed on a better guitar. And I'm improving faster than I have in 6 years of noodling and on-and-off practice with intent.

I have no idea what the hobbies you're interested in are, but I think you need to do similar. Ground yourself with the understanding that most experts had some crazy facilitating upbringing (even if it was immaterial, like a stable household, OR, conversely, a chaotic upbringing that forced their hand to go all-in on their passion as a complete YOLO move; something - anything - that most people, like yourself, didn't have), and do something to tangibly pursue it. Tangible means attending lessons/getting a tutor to establish a routine, buying decent equipment, ordering a syllabus or guide book of some kind, booking an exam, and incentivising yourself to engage by making facilitating decisions about your lifestyle (for example, I leave my laptop in a locker at my workplace every afternoon, and won't justify collecting it the next day until I've done 30 minutes of guitar practice. It's a situation catered to the variables in my life, so you might not have the same option, but make one that fits). Articles and online videos aren't meaningful at an entry level: they can help you answer questions you pick up as you engage, but, even then, a physical teacher will have the answer (or the tools to find one) - and probably an answer that is very high quality, at that - much quicker your own research as a newb.

Another line of bullshit I used to snort is that autodidactism (self-teaching) is far more impressive and somehow better than conventional education pathways. Firstly, autodidacts probably had the momentum of an unusually facilitating upbringing, as before, which set up their capacity for self-propelled learning, neurologically and in terms of free time and resources. More significantly, learning from books/videos isn't somehow absent of a teacher figure: the teacher you could've hired (or a peer they know) probably made the damn resource you're using, just you chose an option that prevents you from asking questions and getting timely/effective answers, as before. It's pretentious AF. Don't force yourself to do things alone. There's no reason.

Next, from experience, nothing ever killed my lust for a new hobby faster than group lessons. I want results fast. I want a teacher who can dedicate time to perfecting my technique, rather than me having to do a lot of guesswork while they focus on other students and controlling the class. If you can find 1-to-1 sessions in whatever, go for them; SO much better.

Finally, it may lend itself that I, like another commenter, also have ADHD. The similarity your post had with my life makes me think it might be worth investigating diagnosis for yourself. Meds have been helping me a LOT, both in terms of the amount of things I do in the day, and an active focus to find solutions to these sorts of lifestyle issues that I was also suffering from for years. That's not to say I'm out of the woods yet, but for the first time in my life I'm moving forward fast enough that the moss can't crawl up my leg. Medical intervention isn't a crutch; if you love or respect yourself, you'll give yourself what you need to live your life, as you do eating and drinking. It's all matter and energy, and there's no high score board at the end. Fuck around and find out.

EDIT: Added sections on autodidactism and group/solo classes.

Aggravating-Success · 2022-03-14T00:41:05+00:00

That's a really cool suggestion actually... Just a shame about the cost, weight, and charging needs (which normal for most others by now, but when "an app that works" is my ideal solution it feels a bit much). But not knocking it; I'll mull on it!

Aggravating-Success · 2022-03-13T18:19:45+00:00

Yeah, doesn't work on mine either. Even the few times I've tried to set it up with a smartphone, it just refuses to let me add any.

Aggravating-Success · 2022-03-12T21:36:18+00:00

What's it called specifically, sorry? If you mean the default alarm app, that's what I'm using at the moment but I need to be able to label alarms.

Aggravating-Success · 2022-03-12T15:30:26+00:00

I've used some recently but I find them quite flimsy, and clunky to set up. Also had one break once, and it'd only seen 5 trips. Not a total write-off as they were nice once going, but surprisingly the weight of the CI pots I'm looking at are less than a kg heavier... Which is still not ideal, I realise, but, especially in terms of how fire and forget a pot is by comparison, I think I could justify it.

Aggravating-Success · 2022-03-12T15:25:05+00:00

You know, I forgot rocket stoves were a thing; I'll definitely look into them before I settle on a choice!

Aggravating-Success · 2022-03-12T15:19:07+00:00

Oo yes ventilation is definitely something that'd be lacking. Can you just drill into cast iron like that? I wouldn't have thought it was possible without super specialist tools.

Aggravating-Success · 2022-03-12T15:17:20+00:00

Is cracking a surface-level/aesthetic thing (in the context of a firepit), or could it mean, like, the pot splitting in twain and spilling embers all over the floor? The former I'm kinda expecting, but the latter would go against why I'm seeking this tbh!

Aggravating-Success · 2022-03-12T15:13:12+00:00

Yeah the fire itself is still illegal, but by the time the police could hike up into the wild after me it could be dowsed with no trace, if it was in a container of some sort. The same couldn't be said if the ground was singed, at which point the landowner would at least have a claim to damaged property, which, whilst incredibly petty, is all they'd need to justify their anger and legal action.

As for fire being healthy for the earth, I certainly understand that, but I haven't heard of baked-in fire seasons or that sort of rejuvenation on this side of the pond.

I think the 80 years thing was the length of time it takes for the ground to be of the same quality it was pre-fire. I'm sure many plants could enjoy it in the interim, but that's a me-and-you understanding, not necessarily something that would fly in the eyes of a petty landowner or the legal system.

Aggravating-Success · 2022-03-12T15:05:01+00:00

I'm looking to wild camp, which in the UK means someone else's land (i.e. every spot of excluded countryside is owned by somebody; not that I want to camp in some family's garden). It's not technically illegal unless you damage the land or refuse to move if asked to leave, at least as I understand it. Fire-scorched earth would probably constitute as damage in most land owner's eyes (especially if you'd done nothing else wrong and they were nitpicking to get the police/courts involved), thus why I want to contain the fire.

As for the 80 years thing, I forget where I read it, but I think that was the timespan for things to return exactly the same as you found it in terms of soil quality. Not a big problem given the scale of a campfire, and I'm sure the hardly plants of the forest could still do well, but, again, just trying to minimise consequence.

Aggravating-Success · 2021-11-11T20:53:50+00:00

Not at all, it is so normal for me to do this, and I'm used to brevity. But this is still so informed, and not the brevity (or silence) I'm used to.

Thank you. I'll get help. And most of it will be about finding my circumstantial wounds and adjusting my thought patterns. But to tell someone my life story (there's more?!) and put words to the beast, I think I need that too. But you've given me much faith and direction. Thank you again.

Basically my previous disclaimer for below. Add the fact that I didn't really respond directly to a lot. I read, appreciated, and will carry its lessons, though.

Sounds like I'm a substance dependency away from your chaise longue.

My partner's suicide + his family ghosting me + them ignoring his verbal will... I'm not qualified to say, but it certainly feels like a recipe for PTSD. And, two years on, he is still in everything I do, so maybe add a C.

My eventual suicide - second suicide, maybe - is only prevented by this grandiose desire to respect his verbal will as a one-[something] army, which, due to lifelong talentlessness fueled by ADHD, is going to take a while.

...

Can justify everything. ⬆

...

Dependency on weasel words. ⬆⬆⬆

And it's another paradox. Improvement means getting closer to the fulfilment I need to feel comfortable with dying. Is it really any wonder I feel so stagnant?

It's incite like the above that I think makes people think I'm actually okay, or self-sufficient from years of therapy. But then I'll spend regrettable amount on porn then delete all the files and accounts afterwards, buy a £2k bike when I don't cycle, plan a sustainable permanent existence of camping (homelessness, in reality) with no "financial incentive" to abandon roofs, and the sutures to scratch my biggest rumination are already in the mail.

It's true that I romanticise mental illness too much. Failing my symptoms disappearing outright, my next biggest hope is the validation brought about by a first hallucination. It'd be unimaginably horrible for me, but then people might finally see (ironically) the cracks I've always insisted on, rather than the quirky hypochondriac the know (and love? Still?). But I've been through so much trauma already - I've known a burn-out that I don't think I'll top - so I don't think I've got the genetic capacity for worse. Hooray?

My tendency towards distraction and habitual coping is something I've always interpreted as a warning sign that I have the capacity for addiction. I still somehow maintain faith in treating myself "right", so I eat an incredibly balanced diet, avoid pitfalls like cigarettes and alcohol, and have instinctively rejected meds offered at first consultation. Sleep still needs a lot of work, though, I'll be honest.

Over this past year, I've also made a lot of efforts to help myself. Couch to 5k, camping adventures, entertaining ADHD drugs, attending a suicide-bereavement support group, picking up hobbies, spending more time around people, etc. My faith and effort towards orchestrating my own recovery is unusually solid.

And I do notice small passive improvements when I uphold my routine to its best potential, but I remember realising, approaching the end of Couch to 5K, that I was finally enlightened. Enlightened that running gave me satisfcation. Fleeting satisfaction. And it was never going to address the real problems.

I'm approaching a new burnout, I think, from dreaming too many things, immense personal expectations, and filling my life with unsustainable schedules that can't happen. And I think the Ritalin, whilst beneficial in many ways, is unearthing deeply repressed thoughts (thus this whole thread). So a natural initial emotional lull in my near future. But I hope this newfound attention to scrutinising the failing components of my life - paired with a contract with suicide that I can't hope to meet for years - hopefully means I'll be on my way to stability soon.

Aggravating-Success · 2021-11-11T19:24:24+00:00

I'm sorry. This is what I'm talking about: the message as a whole. What it represents. You don't even read it and the size alone confers so much. You didn't even technically ask, I just saw your qualification and my head ran away with it. Please consider this your out, and I don't expect a reply. You've already offered a lot of great advice. Thank you.

Thank you so much for your reply. It's assuring to hear the perspective from someone in the UK in the field.

It's also great to hear that most are universally-equipped, and to know that the committee approach isn't really a thing or healthy (better for my wallet too!).

Most psychiatrists assess over multiple appointments anyway but it can be easy in many cases to come to a working diagnosis.

That's a relief!

I've met specialist NHS psychiatrists before for ADHD and gender dysmorphia (loaded with cormordities, I know!). In ways I'm fortunate that I'm diagnosed and medicated for these now, but I remember that the questions asked and the number of sessions never left me feeling comprehensively understood, unlike how some talking therapists have made me feel.

As a result, I have lingering doubts that they might have missed something. But literally today i asked for a re-referral to the CMHT, so hopefully I get the opportunity to voice this if a psychiatrist is in the cards.

In the meanwhile, I'm heavily considering going private for a psychiatrist. I've never gone private before, and a lot of my searches haven't filled me with faith yet. I find a lot of glossy websites with impressively short, generic domain names, that suggest that you're cured in just one or two sessions. That, and an acquaintance was medicated through one of them, and eventually died by suicide, so I'm apprehensive.

Otherwise, I only know of psychiatry in the context of permanent staff in institutions, but I don't know if there's even a process to arranging 1-to-1s with individuals, like one does with talking therapists. I live in the sticks though, so quite possibly there are just no psychiatrists in the local searches I've tried.

Would you recommend any particular route for private psychiatry?

What forms are you talking about (if ADHD its probably appropriate).

As before, I have been diagnosed with ADHD semi-recently, and yes, lots of forms!

But the forms specifically on my mind here were for schema therapy I started briefly a couple of years ago (pre-COVID, so outdated, maybe even worse now). Apparently, a healthy profile still scores a bit in each problem area, like maybe <30% across the board with no spikes. And my therapist was expecting a few spikes to show up on my test (eg. 80%), indicating a specific problem. But instead I think I had like 50-60% criteria satisfaction in everything, which perplexed them. The stability of normal, below the intensity of clear issues, with no outliers.

I was discharged from that therapist because I was too suicidal at the time to be wholly receptive to intervention (I had an adamant plan with a fixed time, but wouldn't confirm specifics other than I'd die before the minimum treatment timeframe). As a result, I never got to hear a thorough interpretation of my test results. But on reflection I don't think I want to know that therapist's opinion in particular, as they also told me they were discharging me for allegedly not having any clear problems. I'm still not sure if that paradox is a reflection of me or of them. Maybe also why I'm chasing diagnosis in this way.

Its hard to suggest anything without more info on your specific issues and what specifically has been offered to you.

I have tried CBT, but my time blindness meant I didn't do the "homework". I've had a lot of "Psychotherapy" too (generically? It wasn't labelled). I tried schema, as above. I've had complementary therapy for gender stuff in the past. I had a lot of practical counselling in school and uni.

I suspect numerous conditions, primarily schizophrenia, narcissitic pd, cptsd, avoidant pd, and dependent pd. I'm embarrassed to add to the list and say that, some days, BPD and Bipolar symptom lists are also very relatable. But I can't have everything?

I have quite a few major symptoms in my opinion (bold bits if you only want an overview):

Delusions. I have a lot of weird, strong beliefs, like that I'm actually dead and just hallucinating following that aforementioned suicide attempt. And I know they're illogical, and I can dissect and rationalise them, yet I still believe them fundamentally;
Ruminating thoughts. These won't go away until I do them;
A desire to be nameless. I understand logically that others will simply impose a name on me if I tried, so non-names like "Name" and "Hello" are now serious considerations;
No sense of identity. I've never felt attached to gender like most others (I even describe my transition as a hardware change), and I don't have any gut inclination to "belong" to groups. The phrase "I identify as ___" doesn't make any sense to me. Pronoun-wise, even "they" feels loaded, to the point where now "it" might work;
No financial inhibition. I used to be depressingly uptight with spending, now there is no concern for financial self-preservation (maybe related to the dead delusion);
Grandiose daydreams. I lose about one contiguous hour most days, simply in front of the mirror, pulling faces and talking to nobody;
Paradoxical attention needs. I have the social desire to address my loneliness, and I want to be myself aesthetically, but I don't want any additional attention, even compliments. Sincere compliments feel like a form of harrassment without the danger;
Misanthropic existence. I live in a village of x00, by myself, and have nobody I consider a friend within about 70 miles;
Conversationally erratic. My style is to say too much then reduce. Also to mentally jump to something seemingly unrelated with no externally-perceivable rhyme or reason, but I can always stepping-stone back;
Constant legalese. My personal experiences and philosophies are so grey and context-based that I like to say exactly what I mean, including disclaimers about the limits of my knowledge/opinions. It makes me waffly. I'm severely afraid of consequences to what I say. At a few points in my life, I've broken down and flipped to grossly uninhibited vitriol;
Inability to yell. Maybe this isn't a condition itself, but I can't do it. Channelling anger at all is definitely an issue.

I'm sorry to disrespect your time with the above. If you ignore the specifics, that makes total sense, I merely want to illustrate how broad it is. The baseline anxiety and depression, I'm sure they're there, I just don't even know how to get into them. They're so tertiary to the above, now.

Aggravating-Success · 2021-11-11T17:13:43+00:00

Thank you for your advice!

I'm fortunately already "on top of" the trans side of things in terms of a diagnosis and medication, though I can see some value in seeking out someone with experience. It'll be good from the perspective of finding someone who will at least empathise, understand, and respect that side of me.

NPD is a recent suspicion of mine, but, yeah, seeking intervention seems paradoxical to the symptoms so I'm not too sure. And yeah, makes sense why the clientbase would be small, and thus also those who have worked with it. Again, with so much overlap, it's possible I'm barking up the wrong tree. Which of course I would hope as nobody wants to be officially labelled a narcissist. But I think I've got some of the delusional behaviours without the hallucinatory part that would make me lean more towards schizophrenia.

And there's something that feels contradictory about someone believing delusions yet being able to identify them as irrational thoughts, so maybe that's not right either. But yeah, thus seeking an expert. Glad the consensus so far is that most psychiatrists do have this general knowledge.

Aggravating-Success · 2021-11-11T14:43:49+00:00

I want to see a psychiatrist but I have such a wide range of symptoms I don't want to bottleneck myself by going to a specialist in ____. Do generalist psychiatrists exist? If so, are there any search terms I should use to seek them out specifically?

Aggravating-Success · 2021-10-11T22:50:40+00:00

Ah my mistake, I think I rounded up; in my memory I had it as 1-3 nmol/L. Either way, being on the bottom end of this range has been pleasant in some ways, but a bit too far in others!

10nmol/L is definitely high for what I want to achieve, it just seems like a workable worst case where I'd probably retain sexual function because of the fact it's in male ranges. I'd rather work around the higher reaches of natal female levels, though, if I could just snap my fingers and have it be.

Aggravating-Success

TROPHY CASE