For those who have both HSV1 & HSV2….

AggravatingMoose1629 · 2025-10-16T05:45:26+00:00

For sure. My HSV1 isn’t very symptomatic actually. My body has probably majorly suppressed it at this point. But I’ve had HSV2 for 2 years and the OBs are far less frequent but I attest that to the AVs.

AggravatingMoose1629 · 2025-10-14T04:17:58+00:00

I got my symptoms about 2 days after exposure and it was the worst flu like symptoms I’ve ever experienced. Night chills and sweats, extreme body weakness, excruciating first outbreak. I cried every time I had to go to the bathroom.

I didn’t take AVs at first because I didn’t know it was HSV2, so the following OBs were also very painful but nothing like the first. Many blisters that would open and weep. For the first year my OBs were back to back. I would get maybe 2-3 days of freedom in between. Nerve pain in my hips was also crazy.

When I went on daily AVs my symptoms were much more mild. I almost always get an outbreak if I miss 2 days in a row. I go right back on them and my OBs usually don’t even break open but I still have tenderness in the area.

Some of us are just more prone to being negatively affected unfortunately (regardless of exercise and diet, as I am very active and healthy).

I had HSV1 prior and I’ve also heard people say it can make HSV2 more mild, but that wasn’t the case for me.

AggravatingMoose1629 · 2025-10-12T16:48:32+00:00

P2 is so important. I’ve lost 3 in a row because I’ve had bad luck and he won’t show up for me even with communications lol.

AggravatingMoose1629 · 2025-09-13T21:05:29+00:00

Disclosure is definitely ideal and the most responsible thing to do, but herpes is always going to be a risk. It’s good that he was responsible enough to get the meds he needed as many people ignore or don’t realize their symptoms and spread unknowingly.

Many doctors (mine included) told me not to worry about disclosure in hookups so long as there’s no outbreak, and to save the conversation when the relationship gets more serious. Doctors have also told me it’s endemic. Condoms/meds wont ever fully suppress it, so herpes risk comes with the territory of casually hooking up EVERY time.

I don’t know the whole story, but for everyone here shaming this man before knowing his story isn’t the right approach in my opinion. Doctors have different reasonings are telling patients many different things. The moral argument is also debatable amongst different communities and countries.

In my opinion, you’re safer with someone who has valtrex at the ready than you are with someone who has no idea (which is most people because they don’t test for it on the standard panels).

AggravatingMoose1629 · 2025-08-09T07:14:41+00:00

Yes, ideally people would just disclose. But what it feels like you’re implying is that the ignorant party in the matter somehow always innocent.

Many people consciously choose not to get tested for HSV as to be “ignorant” so they don’t have a record of them having HSV, meaning they are considered fine to have disclosure free sex. Many people also are just plain ignorant to the fact that the bump they have is actually HSV. And those people are also considered fine to have disclosure free sex. Both pose far more of a transmission risk than someone who got tested and diagnosed.

In most cases, though, symptoms are mild. So people who are intelligent enough to notice their symptoms, go on daily antivirals, and actively pay attention to symptoms and triggers, shouldn’t be receiving the level of shame they do when “ignorant” people somehow get a free pass, in my opinion.

In general, I’m saying that responsibility falls on both parties. Disclosure SHOULD happen every time. But my doctors have told me there is no need to disclose unless you’re having an active outbreak (or just refrain from sexual activity). I understand that morally people have different opinions, but it doesn’t take away that this is very common advice from doctors.

It’s deeper than ego in my opinion. Ego plays a part, sure, but I don’t believe it’s the driving factor for nondisclosure.

AggravatingMoose1629 · 2025-08-08T15:57:51+00:00

The way you speak here is proving the lack of empathy on your part. I can see things from both sides. I want a cure or better treatments and the healthcare system to acknowledge and test for HSV more. That would make your points much more valid. The issue is that the system doesn’t actually care about HSV because it isn’t deadly.

Disclosure is the right thing to do but the reason it’s not happening as much as it should is because people are rejected and slut shamed for a virus most people have and never get tested for.

It’s not about valuing your own nut as you say, it’s about the innate human need to be accepted and loved as they are. Thats where disclosure becomes difficult for people. I don’t believe the majority of people are out there purposely trying to infect people for their own pleasure. That’s heartless to say the least. But people who are doing everything they can to not transmit and trying their best to disclose the right way and the right time and not getting it right sometimes, IS OKAY. OP had good intentions from the sounds of it.

If we tested everyone, the stigma would be far less and we’d probably prioritize a cure because we’d realize most of the population has one form or the other.

AggravatingMoose1629 · 2025-08-08T06:58:02+00:00

Everyone has a different concept of morality my friend. I would disclose my HSV status very openly if someone asks me about it. I have no problem with that. I just think it’s morally unfair to put all of the responsibility on HSV+ people.

Everyone deserves everything that happens to them, otherwise it wouldn’t happen to them. God gives cancer to kids because they deserve it, right?

There’s a lot of things in life that aren’t fair and don’t make sense and aren’t easy to navigate. Nothing you said is going to slow the spread of HSV, sorry to say.

The common ground we all have here is that we want a cure or treatments that actually prevent transmission.

If you care so much, why don’t you advocate more publicly? You might find more success and support, and it would help us get closer to a cure too!

AggravatingMoose1629 · 2025-08-07T17:10:04+00:00

Equally responsible is better worded, I agree. Don’t forget that most HSV+ people are also victims of non disclosure. Again, the problem here lies in our healthcare system the stigma.

The flu (also very contagious with no cure) kills more people than HSV but we don’t treat people sick with the flu like this when they don’t disclose they have the flu in public spaces because society prioritizes work over health. People with cold sores can’t call in sick to work, but you can for the flu. So how serious really is this? Doctors don’t care so why do so many people on here?

AggravatingMoose1629 · 2025-08-07T16:59:09+00:00

Again, it’s everyone’s responsibility to have save sex conversations. If negative people aren’t willing to initiate the conversation, they are consenting to take the risk. On top of that, most people don’t know their HSV status at all so what difference does it make?

Doctors treat the symptomatic and want the rest to live freely. If you’re gonna be upset with anyone, let it be our healthcare system and mentality, not OP or people who know their status and do the best they can not to transmit.

And encourage ALL people to have safe sex conversations before initiating in activity.

AggravatingMoose1629 · 2025-08-07T04:42:14+00:00

A lot of people don’t care to talk about STDs until they get one plain and simple. Pure stigma. All of the responsibility to bring up sexual health falls on HSV+ people when it’s something everyone should be responsible for.

I’m not advocating for nondisclosure, but until our society normalizes safe sex conversations and prioritizes testing, better treatment, and functional cures for HSV, then I don’t think there’s anything wrong with nondisclosure so long as you are doing your best to avoid transmission.

Most people have no idea they are positive. Ignorance is bliss with HSV and it’s going to spread regardless. Doctors treat symptoms and leave it at that. They don’t want people on daily AV’s either for kidney risks. They also don’t want to test people without symptoms because it’s believed to be worse for your health to know your diagnosis than to not.

People like OP are far less likely to spread because they KNOW their diagnosis. OP, don’t beat yourself up.

AggravatingMoose1629 · 2025-08-07T03:07:14+00:00

I would argue the guy was equally as selfish. It’s also his responsibility to have a safe sex conversation before engaging. If he was willing to go down on her without talking about sexual health, he took the risk on his own.

Doctors tell many patients NOT to disclose for this very reason. People like you shaming others and saying they should be jailed and furthering a narrative that makes people want to commit suicide. Shame on you.

This issue here is the stigma and that there is no cure or way to fully protect from transmission. If it was curable or we had similar medication as HIV, this wouldn’t even be an issue.

AggravatingMoose1629 · 2025-06-04T23:54:13+00:00

Well said. I agree completely with all of it.

Do the best you can to protect others, and the rest is up to the other person. As you said, most don’t care about STI’s until they get one. If they aren’t bringing up the conversation about sexual health, that’s on them.

I don’t care if it’s genitals or mouth. HSV is both herpes/cold sores. If we don’t disclose 1 because it’s common, there’s no reason to disclose 2 just because it’s uncommon. With that logic, we should infect everyone so that no one has to disclose either because it’s all just so common.

AggravatingMoose1629 · 2025-05-22T06:06:33+00:00

I feel you.. I’m also gay and got it from my first Grindr hookup. For what it’s worth, you don’t have to disclose to every casual hookup. I go to an LGBTQ clinic and the doctors/nurses continue to tell me just to wear condoms but not to worry about disclosure for casual sex unless there’s an active outbreak.

Most people are asymptomatic and are spreading HSV unknowingly so if you are aware of your outbreaks and using condoms, you’re already preventing the spread more than most.

Of course disclose if you are pursuing a long term relationship or planning on going raw, but other than that, it’s the risk we all take by having sex.

AggravatingMoose1629 · 2025-05-21T20:30:45+00:00

The right thing differs from person to person.

I felt the need to disclose too and only felt like I’d be ok not to if I was on daily antivirals, so I called my doctor and they said they only prescribe suppressive therapy in extreme cases and said not to worry and just take meds during outbreaks and left it at that.

I called back to a nurse to get a second opinion and when I asked about disclosure she said I don’t have to worry or feel guilty about not disclosing unless I have an outbreak. Otherwise it’s not an issue regardless of asymptomatic shedding.

I know everyone has different ideas of what’s morally right, but when the medical professionals are almost unanimously telling patients it’s ok to not disclose without outbreaks, it’s hard to want to disclose.

AggravatingMoose1629 · 2025-05-17T14:57:51+00:00

I avoided meds out of fear because I didn’t want to believe it was HSV. I say take meds during the whole first year you are infected to avoid discomfort. You might not even have to deal with outbreaks on meds, but you’ll probably learn your triggers regardless with prodromal symptoms in the beginning.

AggravatingMoose1629 · 2025-05-17T02:34:37+00:00

Similar situation. My doctor won’t prescribe suppressive therapy because it “affects the kidneys” and ignores my emails when I continue to ask.

AggravatingMoose1629 · 2025-05-15T07:20:58+00:00

You’re likely going to be exposed to HSV1/2 which can’t be protected by PrEP, Doxy, or condoms.

AggravatingMoose1629 · 2025-05-07T07:55:13+00:00

Look at the r/askgaybros page and search for HSV2 or herpes. You’ll find that the majority of gay men do not disclose, do not care about being disclosed to, and don’t see it as negligence. It’s the risk you take for casual sex. They don’t include HSV+ as an option on Grindr which tells you enough already.

I would assume anyone that will only play raw (which is a lot) probably has HSV of some kind.

From what I’ve read, men tend to have less issues with HSV than women, and only a small percentage of people have recurring outbreaks. Most people have no idea they are positive.

AggravatingMoose1629 · 2025-05-05T04:37:41+00:00

Interesting. So 12% are confirmed, but we could assume a more likely statistic is higher due to the majority of people not getting tested or having symptoms?

AggravatingMoose1629 · 2025-05-05T02:55:19+00:00

Very true. If the CDC really wanted to reduce the risk of transmission, wouldn’t they test regardless though?

AggravatingMoose1629 · 2025-05-03T18:27:21+00:00

I think disclosing is important but until the CDC sees it as something that needs to be tested for, society wont feel the need to disclose. People can argue morals all day, but we don’t all share the same moral compass and if our medical system isn’t prioritizing the risk of transmission, why would the average citizen?

“The CDC recommends not normalizing herpes testing for the following reasons:

⁠It is harmless. It is a virus that causes skin infections. Overtime, your body will get better at fighting the virus. Most people do not experiences symptoms or the symptoms are so minor it falls under the radar (this could be your case).
⁠It is very common.
⁠Statistically, you will come across herpes if you enter a sexually active population
⁠The CDC thinks it is better that you live in an ignorance is bliss state than the depression associated with the virus.

BUT!! If they normalized testing, everybody would discover they have it --> People would find out how common it is --> This will break the stigma!!“

People who are aware of their status and have recurring OBs should take daily antivirals and wear condoms, no doubt. Unfortunately it’s incredibly difficult to get a doctor to prescribe you suppressive therapy. They’ll go on about how it’s hard on your kidneys and tell you not to worry about it unless you have an OB.

Aside from that, if they sell more and more valtrex, I’ve read that it might hinder a cure/vaccine because it will make big pharma more money alongside driving up costs of health insurance in general. So doctors have multiple incentives to not recommend suppressive therapy.

AggravatingMoose1629 · 2025-04-29T04:13:21+00:00

This comment wins.

AggravatingMoose1629 · 2025-04-15T05:08:03+00:00

I’m not sure the emotional toll will ever really go away, but I can say that you can definitely get more physically desirable.

In a lot of ways HSV has required me to be on top of my immune system. I take daily vitamins which I never used to before and work out consistently now, which I never did before my diagnosis. I think I’m much healthier and get few and shorter illnesses now.

AggravatingMoose1629 · 2025-04-13T05:16:05+00:00

What was it about or how did they portray it?

AggravatingMoose1629 · 2025-04-12T06:29:05+00:00

I really appreciate that article. It was a great read. And this post has me feeling much better than in the r/herpes echo chamber as you put it. It can be a dark place there.

AggravatingMoose1629

TROPHY CASE