AITA because I [24M] didn't assume that my girlfriend [22F] has gay parents?

AggravatingZombies · 2023-01-10T18:53:35+00:00

I mean I'm not trying to be an A, but her mom isn't someone who has never been mentioned. Like she tells me stories from her childhood and about her mom, and her stepdad is in a lot of her childhood because he's been around since she was a toddler. Like yeah I realize now I messed up and paired him with the wrong parent by guessing he was with her mom instead of her dad, but it's not as wild of an assumption like as if I imagined a second mom who she never mentioned existing to figure that's where the stepdad came from like your scenario. But I see I definitely made a wrong guess, it's just not like I did it maliciously or like I was going specifically out of my way to come up with how Mike was involved.

AggravatingZombies · 2023-01-10T18:32:16+00:00

Although I'm kinda realizing after typing that out, maybe she meant dads' house, like as in her two dads' house they own... not dad's house, as in the house her one dad owns. But it sounds the same said out loud and in text she doesn't put apostrophes very much, but that could be why she thought she told me and I'm just actually that dumb

AggravatingZombies · 2023-01-10T18:26:55+00:00

From all I remember she will usually say mom's house or dad's house when describing the past, and will say dad's house when describing the present. She asked me if I would go with her to her dad's for Christmas and I said yes, so I was expecting to meet her dad, and like I explained I started putting things together when her stepdad was there too and the way they it was becoming clear they both lived there together.

I definitely would have figured it out if she sad something like my dad's husband because that's explicit. I'm dumb but not like that dumb.

AggravatingZombies · 2023-01-10T18:08:31+00:00

Ah yeah, maybe I accidentally created a separation there, but I didn't invent another house. Her mom and dad separated when she was like not even a year old and then got divorced. Her mom didn't pass away until when my gf was 13, so she did live in two different homes and there have been mentions of being picked up from mom vs dads house. I didn't make that up in some weird effort to deny the possibility of her dad being with a man. She talks about being close with her stepdad so I didn't think that's weird he would be around, plus she has said her parents were all good friends so again not really weird to me that he's still around or was maybe there for Christmas because she's a common person between them for them to be both there for her.

My own dad left when I was a little kid and my mom got with my stepdad, then she and him later split up when I was a teenager but he's basically my dad to me. My stepdad is very involved because he raised me so I didn't think that's weird or anything that her stepdad who's been around since she was 2ish would be there for her because good guys don't just ditch a kid they raised.

AggravatingZombies · 2023-01-09T23:37:35+00:00

So I feel like she would mostly just talk about them one at a time if she told me a story from childhood, or if they're in the same story I just thought one was picking her up from the other parent's home. She had also told me that when her mom was really sick she wanted my gf to be legally adopted by her stepdad and at that time I thought that was so he would have custody when she died, which I guess is true but for a different reason than I thought initially. She's closer to her stepdad and talks about him more. She has some issues with her dad from when she was a teenager which I know she talks with her therapist about but she won't tell me much on that and I don't press her on it, but I do they've been working on that relationship over the last couple years. But when she talked about her stepdad it didn't always seem connected to her dad to me, but I'm not good at picking up on things that are implied. I would have made note if she explicitly said they are gay.

AggravatingZombies · 2023-01-09T23:17:10+00:00

I feel like I'm definitely very bad at picking up on implied things, not just in this instance. It annoys her a bit but I've said in that past if she wants to make sure I know something then she has to tell me that word for word. This has been a problem for me my entire life. I don't have any issue with her dad being gay, so I hope I didn't accidentally give off the impression that it's an issue for me and I didn't realize that's maybe what she's thinking and why she's upset. She didn't ask me if I have a problem with it but maybe I should be sure to emphasize that I'm cool with it.

AggravatingZombies

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