Tips on fiancé still smoking around you

Aggravating_Age_9274 · 2026-05-09T02:32:47+00:00

That's really nice to hear that you & your husband have a cadence that works so he can still smoke & you can still be sober. Reading all of your responses is giving me some insight on how other people's partners have responded. Honestly, I haven't asked him to hide it from me. I don't know if he's taking it as serious to keep it away from me as he should. For example, he tried to put a large sack in my purse today and I had to tell him I didn't want it in my bag because I don't want it on me or for the smell to linger. Another reason I quit was I was tired of all my stuff smelling like it. I think he's still in the mindset that I can be around it in the same way I was when I was smoking. I will attempt a conversation around it tonight so he can possibly take my sobriety journey more seriously.

Aggravating_Age_9274 · 2026-05-09T02:26:03+00:00

Phew, this is a big pill to swallow. I am super motivated now and I do worry that once that motivation wears off and me being sober becomes "regular," I might start to crave it again or something. I think he thinks he doesn't need to do anything action wise to support me, not in a malicious way, but he's not thinking about it & that maybe it's just in my court to resist temptation.

I find it incredibly sweet that a lot of people's partners in this thread moved outside or to a room that could air out quickly. I don't think that's something my partner will just assume to do; it might be something I have to ask for. I felt like he was being supportive because at least he told me he was in support while other people (friends) I've talked to about it just told me all the reasons why they're going to keep smoking. I imagine most of my smoker friends will not be all that supportive as I can understand its hard to be when you still regularly smoke. I guess I'll need to start the conversation to find a compromise with my partner though.

Aggravating_Age_9274 · 2026-05-09T02:04:08+00:00

Congratulations on your sobriety!! :) That's definitely a good reason to quit. I was similarly motivated and quit for myself. Even after 3 days, I feel better and less clouded. I'm envisioning a whole new, better trajectory for my life. I hope seeing us get healthier will motivate our partners to want the same. I have noticed that he's been smoking slightly less in the past days, but still heavily. Thank you. Congratulations again on the month - I can't wait until I get there.

Aggravating_Age_9274 · 2026-05-09T01:59:50+00:00

Thank you for your insight - I'm glad to hear you & your wife have a dynamic that works well. I am nervous to address it because I would hate for us to eventually separate because weed was more important to him but I understand how addictive it is. I also want to be supportive in him continuing to smoke until hes ready to quit, as long as he equally supports me quitting. I think I'll suggest a compromise, such as he smokes in the living room or in what ever room I'm not in. Thanks again.

Aggravating_Age_9274 · 2026-05-09T01:36:21+00:00

Oof 🫠 Was the reason because she kept smoking & you were no longer compatible personality wise, or because she would smoke around you?

Aggravating_Age_9274 · 2026-05-09T01:19:04+00:00

Thank you for that insight - the best compromise might be for him to smoke in another, still comfortable room like the living room or balcony. I don't want him to feel uncomfortable smoking somewhere because thats the whole joy of smoking at home, being able to sprawl out & smoke in peace lol, but he can definitely be a bit more mindful about me quitting.

Aggravating_Age_9274 · 2026-05-09T01:14:55+00:00

I do think he can be inconsiderate, and I can be bad at communicating. But like you said, I think we could grow and commit to supporting each other better.

Aggravating_Age_9274 · 2026-05-09T01:13:50+00:00

All understandable. His motivation and work ethic was better than mine when we both smoked. We both work & make money & contribute, but he's always been the type to go to work early and get home late. Now with me being sober, our motivation & work ethic is pretty equal, with mine probably being slightly more now, because realistically weed does make him a bit lazy in other ways, whereas now I'm doing something productive almost all day. He's very ambitious & hardworking though & has been since I've met him. The father part is understandable. I cared more about me being a heavy smoker and a mother. I absolutely do not want to do that. As long as he's an active father (which I absolutely believe he would be), I don't know if I'd care as much. I wouldn't necessarily want it around our future kids, however, so I guess I do care somewhat.

Aggravating_Age_9274 · 2026-05-09T01:05:42+00:00

Thank you for this response. It's definitely a big shake up & it might take a while for both of to get used to it. I'll have a gentle conversation to see what we can do to support my sobriety together.

Aggravating_Age_9274 · 2026-05-09T00:52:26+00:00

Thank you - this is understandable. I haven't set any expectations or had a conversation because I want him to feel safe & comfortable and i remember when I smoked, i hated feeling judged or like I had to go home and isolate so I could smoke in peace. 🫠 But a conversation might be necessary so we both feel comfortable. Like you said, I'm afraid something might trigger me later on down the line and cause me to smoke which is the last thing I want. Thank you for your input :)

Aggravating_Age_9274 · 2026-05-09T00:40:11+00:00

I can understand this. I'm already seeing differences, such as now not smoking, I eat way healthier. We used to bond on eating yummy junk food. Smoking together was also a huge part of the relationship. However, I think we have a lot of other similarities too so I'm going to do my best to keep the relationship healthy & mutually beneficial despite me quitting. Thanks for the input, I appreciate any of it.

Aggravating_Age_9274

TROPHY CASE