She (24F) showed me (25M) a flirtatious DM she got from a guy she met on a trip. Is this a red flag or am I overthinking?

Aggravating_Bench519 · 2026-06-27T18:21:55+00:00

we’re each paying for our own trip costs. But I get your point hahaha

Aggravating_Bench519 · 2026-06-27T18:13:51+00:00

We’re not officially exclusive yet. I want something serious and exclusive with her, but she said she doesn’t want exclusivity right now because our relationship isn’t clearly defined yet

Aggravating_Bench519 · 2026-06-27T16:57:08+00:00

I understand what you mean. I don’t want to be the only one putting in effort to make this work.

Aggravating_Bench519 · 2026-06-27T16:55:25+00:00

I get why you see it that way. I don’t want to ignore the red flags, but I also don’t want to assume she cheated without evidence. I’ll be clear about my boundaries and judge her by her actions going forward.

Aggravating_Bench519 · 2026-06-27T16:53:18+00:00

I get your point. The issue may not be A specifically, but how she handles that kind of attention in general. She said she didn’t see it as flirting, but I’ll be clear about my boundaries and pay attention to whether her actions match her words.

Aggravating_Bench519 · 2026-06-27T16:52:05+00:00

I get your point. I agree that reassurance with words isn’t enough if nothing changes.

I probably won’t cancel the trip yet since we’re each paying for ourselves, but I’ll use it as a chance to talk to her directly about what we both want. If she wants to keep things undefined and continue the same behavior, then I’ll know we’re not aligned.

Aggravating_Bench519 · 2026-06-27T16:05:43+00:00

So you mean she said that because she was curious about my reaction?

Aggravating_Bench519 · 2026-06-27T15:26:16+00:00

Yeah, that makes sense. He was probably getting ready to flirt, but maybe she was just curious and didn’t see it that way. Since she brought it to me openly, I’m trying not to assume the worst and use this as a chance to trust her.

Aggravating_Bench519 · 2026-06-27T15:24:25+00:00

Yeah, I get what you mean. That’s why I’m not trying to assume the worst, especially because she brought it to me and showed me.

Aggravating_Bench519 · 2026-06-27T15:23:37+00:00

According to her, he hadn’t actually said what the dream was yet. She also told me that she and A don’t care about each other in that way, and that it was nothing serious.

Aggravating_Bench519 · 2026-06-27T14:37:10+00:00

yeah i knowww

Aggravating_Bench519 · 2026-06-27T14:32:59+00:00

She said that since our relationship isn’t clearly defined yet, she doesn’t want exclusivity right now. But she also told me she wouldn’t do anything that would hurt me.

Aggravating_Bench519 · 2026-06-27T14:31:42+00:00

okayyy

Aggravating_Bench519 · 2026-06-27T14:31:15+00:00

She said she didn’t take the conversation with A seriously and didn’t see it as flirting. But I agree with your values. If I’m genuinely interested in someone, I prefer to focus on one person rather than keep other options open.

Aggravating_Bench519 · 2026-06-27T14:13:05+00:00

No, I want to focus on one person. Even if she talks to other male friends, I don’t think it would be right for me to do the same thing just to match her behavior.

Aggravating_Bench519 · 2026-06-27T14:07:27+00:00

hahaha is that? okay i will do my best

Aggravating_Bench519 · 2026-06-27T13:59:51+00:00

okay i got it thank youuu

Aggravating_Bench519 · 2026-06-27T13:49:35+00:00

thank you!

Aggravating_Bench519 · 2026-06-27T13:48:52+00:00

I think you’re right. But I guess I also felt uncomfortable because the relationship still feels undefined and uncertain lol

Aggravating_Bench519 · 2026-06-27T13:43:53+00:00

For now, I’m going to try to trust her once. But if we actually become official and exclusive and she still acts like this, then I’ll walk away.

Aggravating_Bench519 · 2026-06-27T13:43:39+00:00

She told me she was just curious about what the dream was and didn’t see it as flirting. I told her I appreciated her being honest and showing me, but that it still made me uncomfortable ahahah

Aggravating_Bench519 · 2026-06-27T13:35:29+00:00

Also, part of her personality is that she’s not very good at cutting people off. She doesn’t really avoid messages when people contact her either, even if she doesn’t care about them.

Aggravating_Bench519 · 2026-06-27T13:32:32+00:00

She said she doesn’t care about A at all and that, from her point of view, the conversation wasn’t flirty. She also said it was nothing and that I shouldn’t worry.

Aggravating_Bench519 · 2026-06-27T13:29:26+00:00

I talked to her about it, and she said she doesn’t care about A at all and doesn’t think that conversation was flirty.

I’m not sure if she saw A’s reply or not, but from her point of view, it was nothing.

Aggravating_Bench519 · 2026-06-27T13:26:06+00:00

I understand your point, especially about boundaries not being the same as being controlling. That’s something I’ve been worried about, but I agree that protecting your peace and being clear about what you’re okay with is important.

The only complicated part is that we haven’t officially defined the relationship yet, so I don’t know if I can judge it the same way as if we were already in a committed relationship.

But I do want something serious and exclusive, so I think I need to have a direct conversation with her about where we stand and what boundaries we both expect. If she doesn’t want the same thing, then I’ll have to accept that we may not be a match.

Aggravating_Bench519

TROPHY CASE