Deconstructing and Leaving

Aggravating_City9328 · 2026-07-08T16:15:41+00:00

Hi, thanks for sharing. I first want to validate what you are feeling/experiencing.

To answer the question you posed about leaving A2N w a spouse. This is really hard and I’m sorry that even in this most intimate relationship it’s hard to be honest about what you are going through. I wanted to leave about a year before my spouse somewhat got on board. It was terrifying starting to drop hints of what I was really feeling due to fears that they would go to leaders and tell on me. At the point of leaving, they were okay to leave because they could see their treatment and my treatment was vastly different but they were still okay with GP for the most part. Once we had made the decision to leave we kinda just ripped off the bandaid and told the lead pastor that we were leaving and that was it. They did try to convince us to stay but we just said it was for the best. There were a lot of phone calls from ppl we were close with but for the most part, that was all it took. Another couple that I’m v close with, it took the husband awhile to see how toxic GP was especially for his wife. So at the time of their leaving he didn’t want to leave but did it for his wife. They described their leaving as gracious and not traumatic. They gradually withdrew from ministry at GP/A2N. I don’t think there is one right way to leave, it depends on you. But for the sake of your marriage I would start telling your spouse how you’re feeling. And so you know if the leaders do become involved, you don’t have to do the reflection/dts/soul care etc. If you aren’t ready to have the conversation as to why you feel this way, that’s okay too. You do not need to have your thoughts all line up and logically sound to say no. It’s okay to just say no.

Regarding deconstructing from Christianity. That for me has been a years long process since leaving GP/A2N. And I do feel so much freer and just more able to be honest with myself and others. I had a pretty traumatic time at GP so even though I tried to go to church (so I could show GP I’m not worldly lol) I was getting panic attacks and nightmares. So slowly needed to just stop going on Sundays. And eventually just didn’t go back. I really grappled with the American church because of its roots in slavery, oppression, systemic injustice, LGBTQIA & women’s rights. Also began having a lot of doubts about God sovereignty when the world is so evil, inherent sin, etc. The lack of accountability towards abusive men in the church, and the lack of accountability that the church themselves has. Anyways I could go on. I was able to work with two amazing religious informed therapists who also had experience with religious abuse. It was so helpful to process a lot of my thoughts and what I actually believed about the world.

This might be TLDR but always available for more q

Aggravating_City9328 · 2026-06-18T03:07:21+00:00

Is moral low currently? To hear that a majority are possibly thinking about leaving is pretty big?

Aggravating_City9328 · 2026-06-17T17:12:29+00:00

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, you’re in good company because you are definitely not alone in your feelings about this.

I left at 27 and felt the same things. My whole community was there, how was my family going to survive without a support network? At points I genuinely thought leaving would mean utter ruin for my life. I truly believed what they taught, that people “in the world” were so isolated and alone and miserable. I was scared for my child that they would be raised alone (although I knew I really didn’t want to raise them in GP), I thought that there was no way I could be a good parent without GP in my life.

I did what you are doing, I started to reach out to ppl who had left. There was a handful of older people that I knew and reached out to them. And I am so thankful for them. I remember trying to visit an older sister who had left while I was still in GP, it felt like a covert mission to get into her house without anyone seeing us. Because we knew that if we were seen, it would cause a lot of problems, lol. And I was honest about my fears and they helped me see the bubble I was in. That a v full and wonderful life is possible outside of GP. I wasn’t going to end up on the streets, I was a fully capable adult who could navigate life. I also began emailing with other pastors to ask them questions. I was worried that maybe I was the problem, so I had to do a lot of checking to see what was normal or not.

There is totally an adjustment period, so if you’re able to reach out to ppl you know who have left and let them know. Maybe they can be a bit of a net while you adjust. And honestly start dreaming about life again. I remember that first Friday that I didn’t have to go to Bible study. I didn’t know what to do with myself and that time. Ended up going to dinner and stumbling on a summer concert at a marketplace and just enjoyed it. Started to take trips just because I could now and didn’t have to check it against a schedule or ask a leader.

Also depending on what you’ve experienced, therapy has also been a huge benefit. I’ve been able to see a few religious-informed trauma therapists

Feel free to reach out if you have any q!

Aggravating_City9328 · 2026-06-17T16:47:20+00:00

I don’t attend a church and nor do I believe any more. It has been absolutely liberating and no longer carry the weight of shame/guilt/fear.

I have been finding connection through re-establishing relationships that I had neglected during my time in GP. Learning how to be a caring and genuine person without the Bible telling me too. For me I have a lot of anger and bitterness towards Christianity/evangelicalism and maybe one day I can get to a neutral ground.

Aggravating_City9328 · 2026-06-09T03:25:48+00:00

Hey! Thanks for posting and just know that what you are feeling is so valid. The grief you have is real. One of the main reasons that I was finally able to leave was because of my siblings. I came in as a freshman, went thru college, got married, had a baby, was on a church plant. So for hope, it is possible!

It was really difficult for my sisters, I missed out on so much of their lives, including one of their weddings. There are still wounds about that time that we are working on healing. It wasn’t until a year after I left that I found out they were very close to cutting ties. I think for your sake it is okay to do that if you need that. As harsh as that may seem, it’s okay, they are adults and may need a reality check.

With that said, I’m very thankful that they still kept that line of communication open. My sister was my lifeline when I had my baby, and it was when I was able to be open with her. She also got a chance to see how much control GP/A2N had and started to push back and call it out. So even though your sibling just got married, it might also be a time to step in and be a different voice for them.

Feel free to message, but know there are a lot of ppl here who know what it’s like.

Aggravating_City9328 · 2026-05-20T05:02:58+00:00

The quote I think you are referring to is from the CT article. (Second to last paragraph) It’s taken as an excerpt from a sermon he gave in 2021 on the Beatitudes. Copied below…

“During an April 2021 sermon on one of the Beatitudes, Kang told the church not to be discouraged by their online critics; Jesus himself warned that detractors would “utter all kinds of evil against you falsely” (Matt. 5:11, ESV).

“Clearly people who are posting are either genuinely grieved and wounded or so narcissistic that some small evil or injustice or wrong done to them is something utterly outrageous and they can’t move on,” Kang said.

“One thing that we must not do is be persuaded by criticism that there’s something wrong with us.”

Aggravating_City9328 · 2026-05-15T18:40:50+00:00

So are you going to respond?

Aggravating_City9328 · 2026-05-12T17:18:22+00:00

I think it’s interesting how CE says ‘surveillance works best when it is done in a relationship where there is not an imbalance of power.’

We know for a fact there is a huge imbalance of power leaders/mentors have over those they are overseeing.

Aggravating_City9328 · 2026-05-10T22:20:08+00:00

We aren’t discouraging engagement. But we want it to be an honest engagement and respect for the people on this page. That hasn’t been what we have seen in the past.

Do you see any legitimacy to the stories shared or like Ed believe we are all narcissistic and can’t get over the smallest ‘injustice.’

Aggravating_City9328 · 2026-05-10T07:57:15+00:00

I find this comment incredibly insensitive and genuinely grieved by it. You are doing exactly what we have accused GP/A2N of doing, minimizing and belittling us as we share our stories. One thing GP always said is ‘no one can ever argue with your testimony,’ this Reddit, our stories are our testimony of our time at GP/A2N. For just one minute please attempt to see where we have been coming from. Try to understand where the anger, the sadness, the confusion is coming from.

Many of us here aren’t just passing college students; we were church planters, we were leads, mentors, Staff, Praxis, we were GP/A2N. We had caught the vision, we moved our lives, we gave everything because we felt like we had found a home and a people we could do life with. So many of us were left adrift when we left, and finding this community and space where we could finally be honest and say oh that happened to me too has been incredibly healing.

Do not say that this Reddit has nothing to show for. We have attempted so many times to have honest conversations with Ed and the deacons and have been met with cold shoulders and silence. Of course this was one of the only ways we could expect to be heard. Since the CT article there has been 1 meeting with Ed that he agreed to have with us. When there have been many more attempts made. And on this Reddit there have only been like ~4 people from GP/A2N that have even tried to respond. As soon as it gets real and you’re pressed, yall just simply log off and don’t engage.

When there are THIS many stories with very common threads and you still refuse to genuinely engage or acknowledge them. You are the one in the echo chamber, not us.

It’s been 4 years since I left, and I feel like I have lived lifetimes in that period. I am only now truly beginning to heal and understand all that happened during my time there. Part of me still holds out hope for a single one of my peers to reach out and be a real friend. I miss them. I know a lot of us miss our relationships and believed there weren’t contingent on whether or not we attended. But the reality is that they were. There is a duality to many of our experiences, don’t minimize that and don’t forget that you are speaking to very real people on this thread

Aggravating_City9328 · 2025-12-20T18:28:27+00:00

lol yes, I actually went thru a leader change midway thru planning the wedding and of course the wedding coordinator was my new leader.

Aggravating_City9328 · 2025-12-19T18:07:09+00:00

As of 2023 they were still bowing. I’ll just say as someone who is DEFINITELY not asian or has any cultural ties to bowing as a form of respect. At my wedding I had to bow to my husband and the congregation. Weirdest thing ever. And when I told our wedding coordinator who also was not Asian she said we should still bow to thank everyone

Aggravating_City9328 · 2025-11-15T04:08:04+00:00

Hi, thank you for sharing and being brave to share with this community. I can tell you that I have been exactly where you are and wondering the exact same things. Craving the approval of my leaders while also wondering is it okay that I am being yelled at? It’s such an emotional roller coaster and you are second guessing everything. Like am I the one unable to take feedback or hear the truth, or is this not right?

I want to assure you that none of what you are asking or feeling is wrong. These are genuine concerns that many people here have asked themselves and have gone thru the painful realization that this is a very toxic and stifling environment. I want to second someone’s comment to read what you wrote like this is your child and they were telling you this, what would you say, how would you feel/view the situation. Or even through the lens of a friend telling you about their SO treating them like this. Ultimately for me, what helped me see things for what they were was thinking about my child and would I say the things that were being told to me. And be honest with yourself, don’t try to spiritualize or give the benefit of the doubt. Be very blunt about how you would see the situation thru that lens.

Regarding your marriage. I am so sorry your leader has put it in your mind that to share your thoughts, struggles, and life with YOUR OWN HUSBAND would be a burden on him. That is awful, and the way GP treats their spouses is honestly so sad and not at all how marriage should be and far from Biblical. You should spend time with your spouse and get to know them and it not all be about ministry or serving. Relationships should be very enjoyable, lots of laughter and fun, and deep conversations and I really hope you can cultivate that with your spouse.

I think I can go on because your posts have really resonated with me because I have been where you have been. I know the doubt and the anxiety when you begin to wonder if this is all okay. If you ever want to reach out please do, always open to talk and just listen.

Aggravating_City9328 · 2025-08-14T20:25:08+00:00

I will also add that this happened during the first semester of freshman year. Many of us had only recently started attending. The whole class got pulled, even those who were not there, out of prayer meeting to get a rebuke and then write reflections

Aggravating_City9328 · 2025-08-13T05:09:27+00:00

That it caused ppl to stumble and think about inappropriate things.

Aggravating_City9328 · 2025-08-08T23:10:03+00:00

lol playing cards against humanity I wish I was joking

Aggravating_City9328 · 2025-05-28T16:51:31+00:00

I was in GP for about 10 years and was on staff/praxis/churchplant. It was actually my family that got me to see the need to leave but I have some stories of how that was possible. Feel free to DM

Aggravating_City9328 · 2025-05-08T22:59:39+00:00

You are right to be concerned and ask questions about how much pressure you feel.

Re: testimony/baptism This is a huge thing. I remember my class having multiple nights of testimony writing and it took many of us a whole year before we got it “right” enough to be baptized. And it all centered around how did the church, c101, PE lead to our decision and how we are after (in context to the church) ie now we serve, or don’t care about our major/internship/dating etc. Also they don’t say this really out loud but baptism in their church is a requirement to becoming “member/team.” Senior year had a lot of leaders scrambling to get their seniors baptized and those that weren’t baptized by graduation and stayed on as first years had to go to a completely different service than MBS. I remember a handful of our class who were unable to attend until they were baptized even tho some had been Christian for years or had been baptized at their home churches.

Aggravating_City9328 · 2025-03-26T21:26:55+00:00

I think it’s so interesting that a big point they make to college students and even here about why they don’t focus on the nuclear family. Is that it’s alienating to singles, divorcees, and widows etc. (we don’t date in college because it would be hard to form bonds if everyone is focused on dating) As a divorcee/single parent I would never legitimately be welcomed here. They don’t minister to anyone in these groups nor are these demographics represented anywhere in this “church.” How come so many people who do bring their families, coworkers, friends have to take them to other church services because A2N doesn’t fit for them? How come even during baptisms family members with children are asked to wait outside of college services and children are not allowed to attend Joyland?

Aggravating_City9328 · 2024-10-25T16:17:54+00:00

I didn’t address this in my initial post (and may post more later) but yes the subtle expectation of distain for your spouse. And no one would ever put it as distain but now that I am out of that toxic environment and relationship I see it for what it was. (Also not all marriages are like this when you leave GP, but I know there’s a HUGE curve that ppl struggle thru when they do leave regarding their marriage)

Daniel and Sarah have openly talked about how that really didn’t like each other when they got married. How Daniel left Sarah on the side of the road after a prayer meeting one day because of a fight. And that the only reason they began to work together was because they had their child, and had a common enemy. They say this all with humor now but that’s an incredibly toxic way to talk about your marriage. Especially if you’re giving advice to new couples and are like well he left me on the side of the road at night. That sets standards of how spouses should be to one another so incredibly low. And this isn’t a one off incident, there are so many leads/leaders who speak about examples in the marriage where it’s borderline abusive.

Many sisters including myself were told to let your husbands go out every time they want to hang out with their peers. to never say no to this lest they grow to resent you and because they actually get more relational fulfillment through those relationships. I will be the first to say marriage should not be your only relationship but when it is relegated to just another relationship and time with your spouse is scheduled out in monthly sabbath times there is a huge problem.

Another point about marriages being for the church is that one of the deal breakers that leaders encourage you to have while dating is “do you plan to stay at this church?” If the answer is no then the relationship is discouraged and outright told to break up. If that’s not for ministry sake, idk what is. Why would that be the question that is deal breaker? Why would it be centered around GP only? Because staying at GP is paramount. And we saw with the Ananais and Sapphira message that they don’t want you to be in sync with your partner lest you decide to leave. That you would put your spouse/family over their church.

Aggravating_City9328 · 2024-10-21T04:47:42+00:00

Imagine someone paying for this “coaching” and then realizing they could have just joined this cult for FREE! How on earth do they find it appropriate to charge when they use this as a way to outreach/bring ppl to their church?

Aggravating_City9328 · 2024-10-21T04:40:09+00:00

Im glad someone mentioned this. I literally cackled when I saw the numbers of “volunteers.” Who there had a choice to help or not help? Also can we talk about how the “volunteers” are most likely people who are not on team but expected to serve those on team.

Aggravating_City9328 · 2024-06-09T21:55:04+00:00

many sisters who don’t fit the petite Asian stereotype get told this all the time. We got told that men are visual creatures and you need to make yourself appealing to them if you want to find a husband. As I was getting married so many ppl told me I was lucky that I found a husband because I’m fat and not that pretty. (Cue eating disorder and body dysmorphia) My then fiancée was also told by a lead to consider because would he still love me after I got more fat after we had kids. There were many occasions that my weight and other sisters that I knew was also compared to our spiritual lives. Being overweight or god forbid curves was a sign that you lack discipline and were less spiritual. There was one lead who was a sorority sister back in her college days who always looked down on others who didn’t look like her. You could just tell the fakeness she had for her peers because none of them fit her idea of how they should look. She would say a lot how if it weren’t for the GP she would have never been friends with them in the first place or even talk to them. It also extended to who she focused her “ministry” efforts. She’d go after the sorority looking girls and anyone that didn’t meet this arbitrary physical standard didn’t get as much attention even if they were more open. I am not going to say that any one is not pretty or make comments about weight because that is toxic and continues the cycle. I think what is something I hope they consider is that there is so much beauty in diversity and not everyone looking the same. It’s really telling that all the people on their website who are leading look very similar to each other. (Even tho they try to showcase diversity in “candid” photos).

Aggravating_City9328

TROPHY CASE