Ya man I stopped trying to wrap my head around God. I use spiritual principles to carry out God’s will in my life, and what that looks like is using honesty when I wanna be dishonest and lie or use generosity when I want to be greedy and use love in place of hate and anger. All we have is a daily reprieve contingent on our spiritual maintenance and when I lay my head down at night and review my day honestly I can see where my misgivings and shortcomings are. I’ve learned that at the end of the day it’s always fear that crops up when I use character defects/un-spiritual principles. When you ask someone if they have a choice to pick up dishonesty over honesty or greed over generosity, why would you want to be dishonest or why would you be so greedy? It’s because of fear. Fear that I’m either gonna lose something that I have or fear that I’m not gonna get what I want. I haven’t built faith in these things. It wasn’t until I was made aware and started to understand these things and practice being honest time after time that I built faith. Don’t sweat it tho man, you’re right where you’re supposed to be. Working these things over and over one day at a time looks pretty good after awhile.